Cygnea

This is fun. It's like taking everything I've learned over the past seven or so years about writing and throwing it out of the window.

(Okay so Ive made a change of plans and decided to introduce a new chracter ^_~ Guess who it is!)

"It was alright" Elvis said but sapphira was looking passed him and towards the back of the crowded room. Her specail ability was letting her know that someone was trying to break into her mind which was almost impossible because she was protected by shields that no one could break unless she let them in and she would always know when someone was trying and be able to get into their mind instead. "I think I burned something important (lol could you imagine?)

"Sorry brother no time for that." Sapphira stood up and gestured for Hair'Dalis not to follow her "I have to do this alone" she whispered and he nodded because he new she could take care of her self

Sapphira stopped in front of a man. (Here he comes!! ) He had orange-red hair and wore a yellow bandada and great outfit that was medievaly but didnt make him look dumb (like those pictures in the book my mom bought me. the guys looks so stupid XP) He had great green eyes which Sapphira blushed under but she was made of stuff strong enough to stay strong. He also had a katana with a dragon on the sheath that looked real and had gems for eyes, and the handle was done up with black and white binding. the part where the handle met the metal had a pheonix on it and was done in pearl.

"Your trying to get into my mind," she acussed

"I was" he said and she was surprised he didnt try to deny it.

"Your the one that made Imeon act like that towards Elivs and you put those thoughts about her in my head" (Im thinking about making her and imoen not related because someone said girlongirl might bring in more readers. id have to make sure my parents didnt see though)

"I am" (You should know who is it now! He's super hot and I coudnt help but put him in)

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to get your attention."

Sapphira was schocked! But he wasn't lying. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen with long golden hair the color of sunflowers that shone like a bar of gold and eyes that were currently orange (cool orange,not lame) with shock and he just couldnt help himself. "In fact" he said "I want to journey with you"

"Oh no!" Sapphira cried "I forgot all about the person whose coming here to get revenge! we have to leave!"

"Can I come?" he said again pleedingly and saphhira nodded. "but whats your name?"

(ready?)

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"Sculdig." (THAT'S RIGHT FROM WIEB KRUEZ XDDDD!!!1!)

(I had an idea to make a lot of people fall in love with Sapphira because its way more interesting that way and this way she can have a lot to choose from because even though Hair'Dalis is awesome (I heart him) if i make this a crssover I can tottaly bring in every hott guy. By the way how old is Mowgli ^_~ I think i heard of him once in that live action movie with the hot actor so im going to check and if thats him then hes totally going to be in the story romance styel. Tarzans old enough but I need him to get a bath and stuff first]

Very nice. Great use of theme, unexpected but powerful.

Some of the sentences flow oddly, though. Except for the fact that the thing no longer moved, no longer made soft, strangled guttural sounds it looked no different than before Valygar had thrust the blade of his sword through where the things unbeating heart was, he felt no grief or remorse, but neither did he feel relief looks like it needs to be made into two separate sentences, for example.

But just then Hair'Dalis walked in (OMG, he's sooo cute!! ) with Aerie following behind, whining about her wings or something stupid like that, obviously trying to gain attention. (OMG, I hate her so much, why did they even put her in teh game)

He went right to Sapphira of course, walking by everyone, especially Jaheria (becuaes I don't like her either), and kissed her hand all gentlemanly like. "My raven" he said "seeing you once again is like watching the birth of a star"

"What" Imoen asked "You two have never met"

Sapphira didn't know what to say. She couldn't admit to her sister (who she totally didn't like that was, eww, she's straight and likes Hair'Dalis, duh!! XP) that she had sercretly met the bard months ago and had been trading letters ever since. "I Dont know what you're talking about" she said, winking at him.

He picked it up right away of course cause he's smart like that and said "I have seen your beauty in my dreams"

Aerie (who couldn't stand to be ignored for more than two seconds, the stupid whiner) shrieked "Pay attention to ME!!"

Sapphira turned her eyes towards her, eyes going from the purple of a new dawn to bloodred in her rage. One hand clentched and she let a fireball hover over her fingers, calling upon the ancienct destructive powers that had been with her since birth. No one knew where they came from but they were absutely unique and she was the only one in the world who could command them. When she was younger she used to be teased about being different and everyone was super jealous except Imeon and Goron and even though she used to cry herself to sleep sometimes she knew she wasn't supposed to hate those people because they just wanted to be like her and she should be glad she was so lucky. (Dont worry I'll totattly explain why she has these powers later but I never liked the fact that other people could do stuff my character couldn't. HELLO, I'm the MAIN CHARACTER! the most important person in the game? I'll give you a hint though. It has to do with a dragon and a divine being!

"You be quiet" Saphhira said "or you'll pay"

Aeire was dumb but even she was smart enough to know that saying anything would get herself killed so she shut her mouth and went to sulk in a corner. (Sorry, I want to do it but I have to save her for later - evil laugh) drunk men began to hit on her (are we still in the inn? Well we are now! lol)