Star Dragonmaiden

In yet another campaign, our party happened upon a Kuo-Toan shrine with a trident on it by a lake in the Underdark. On the altar were a bunch of glowing runes. Our warlock, played by someone well-known for doing dumb things, went up to the altar and read the runes before the warmage had a chance to roll a Knowledge Arcane check. As we all figured they would, they exploded and we fought three spectres. After the battle, the (slightly crispy) warlock asked the DM what the runes had said, guessing that they said, 'I memorized Explosive Runes today,' (Google Order of the Stick if you don't get the reference) to which the DM replied:

"No, it said, 'DUMBASS!'."

Okay, here's another.

I'm playing a paladin of St. Cuthbert in a Temple of Elemental Evil campaign. We're inside the Moathouse and the ranger decided to forgo a Spot and Listen check and sticks his head inside a chimney. A giant tick drops down and latches on to the back of his neck. The ranger throws himself on his back to try and squash to tick, but that didn't work. The monk then tries to kick it (don't ask me why) and kick the ranger in the head instead. The mage uses her turn to roll the ranger on to his back so we can get a better shot. I can up with my Heavy Mace, and line up my shot, telling the ranger not to move. I wind up and swing, knocking the the tick off and splattering it against the wall after rolling a critical. I didn't think that would work. FORE!

Okay, while I didn't start to actually PLAY DnD until late last year, I do have several stories to tell.

My first campaign was a tournament module. I think it was called "In the Hall of The Dragon King," but the group and I "affectionately" called it "The Campaign of Death," mostly because at least one person would die before the session was over, usually the sorcerer. I was playing with one of the module's pre-made characters, a level ten Ranger/Cleric who couldn't do either class very well. The spell options I had were terrible, my saves weren't all that great, and my arrow selection sucked (I could use either monster bane arrows or +2 arrows. I didn't get +1 arrows until long after the +2 were used up.) Despite my character's short comings, he wasn't killed until my fourth session when he physically dragged the sorcerer out of an acid ooze-like monster that grabbed him. The monster managed to critical me. While that didn't kill me right way, a blow from a second one finished the job. Damn my chivalrous ways.

I have classes to get to, so I'll tell my other stories later.