Kirwond

I remember this piece, Rusalka. And I still greatly admire it.

Note: I wrote this for an Attic Quiz, and recently remembered I'd done so. My memory is so shot.

     On a quiet evening such as this, one could see many things in the forests near Imnesvale. There was a great horned owl, perched on the stout branch of a great oak tree. Over there, a brown bear curled protectively around her cubs, sheltering them from the crisp night air. And there, in the distance, was a campfire, surrounded by a dozen small forms, and one big one.

     ?Aye, gather round now, me little Xvart Scouts, while I tell ye of? the Umar Witch!?

     Cries of protest filled the air. ?What? Oh, no, not again! You?ve been reading from that book every night for a week!?

     ?Shut it, you?I mean, settle down now, children. This story ain?t from me book, all right? 'Tis a true tale, of the night I met the Witch!?

     ?But she doesn?t exist! Willet told us??

     ?Do ye WANT sausages and mustard later? Or should I just send ye to bed now??

     Silence spread throughout the crowd.

     ?Well, then. Now to begin wi' me tale. It all happened a month ago. I was out in the woods, searching for oyster mushrooms for the Ranger-Protector?s dinner, when??

     ?Oooh! Rosalie is such a nice lady! She was the one who showed Da about splinting and poultices and herby stuff.?

     ?Yeah! My Da says she?s a Bhaalspawn! What?s a Bhaalspawn??

     ?Can you tell a story about her??

     ?Quiet! Who?s tellin? stories, ye or me? Now, I was searchin' for mushrooms when I came across this creepy cave. ?Twas a nasty place, wi? glowing moss and slimy rocks and all.?

     ?So why?d you go in??

     ??Cause that?s where mushrooms grow best, of course. I went deeper into the cave, pickin? away, keepin? the mud and slime off me clothes as best I could. My basket was almost full when I saw her, the Witch herself! Oh, she was foul, wi' long, stringy white hair and flowing robes the color o? blood? and the hat! The hideous, hideous hat! ?Twas black and pointy, and that?s how I know she be a witch!? Vincenzo looked around at the little uncomprehending faces. ?Cause witches wear pointy black hats, see?? he explained.

     ?Neler?s momma has a pointy black hat! She?s a witch!?

     ?Shut up, Kent! It?s called a dunce cap. She makes me wear it when I?ve been bad.?

     ?ANYWAY, there I was, alone in the cavern, wi' the Witch before me!?

     ?Did she see you??

     ??Course not?else I wouldn?t be here, talking with ye! She was too busy performing evil rituals, dancing around the fire, cackling like a hen what?s had too much Baalor ale. And she wasn?t alone. Sittin' beside her were two?well, I dunno what they were, but I guess they were her evil minions, 'cause they kept whispering wicked magical words.?

     ?Like what? What did they say?? The boys all leaned forward, their faces excited and eager.

     ?Let?s see?? Vincenzo scowled in fierce concentration. ?Well, one of ?em was sayin?, ?Heheheheheheh? heheheheheheh? hehehehheheheh?? And t?other one would snigger and say, ?Yeah, fire! Fire! Heheheh? heheheh?? Oh, ?twas all I could do not to run away shriekin' in fear!?

     All of the boys were now shouting excitedly, all except for three.

     ?Dirbert! That sounds like what we were doing in the cave the night we got drunk on??

     ?Shut up, Valsben!?

     ?Ya think he saw it was us?? asked Neler fearfully.

     ?Are you nuts? He thought I was the Umar Witch, what with that wig and outfit I borrowed from your mother! We?re safe?just play it cool.?

     ??and I ran faster than I?d ever run before? and I didn?t stop until I was safe in me own inn.?

     ?Did you ever go back?? asked a particularly frightened-looking boy.

     ?Nar, no need. They be there still. If ye listen real close on a quiet night such as this, ye can still hear them.?

     The boys fell silent, scarcely daring to breathe. They strained their ears, struggling to hear something beyond the normal rustlings and creakings of a forest at night?

     ?HEHEHEHEHEH! FIRE! FIRE!?

     The boys jumped up and ran around, screaming.

     Vincenzo was aghast at the result of his little joke. ?Hey, come back! I didn?t mean it! Jus? settle down and we can have our snack.?

     Half an hour later, the Xvart Scouts were happily munching on roasted sausages in rolls. Valsben sidled up to the innkeeper. ?Er, Vincenzo??

     ?Yeah??

     ?That was a cool story. Thanks.?

     ?Yer welcome, Valsben.?

     ?But Vincenzo? about the Witch... you didn't really see the Witch, you saw...?

     ?Yeah??

     ?Er?never mind.?