10 replies to this topic

[BobTokyo]

The start of a well written take on a difficult subject. The ending "Have you ever been used" tag line takes a bit away from the impact of the piece by breaking immersion; you may want to consider re-working that, unless you intend to keep the reader at a distance. This is mature subject matter; were I to post something similar, I'd use a tag in the topic description to make that clear.

[farsal]

I liked it and the various detail, ie, the description of her room, etc. I thought the repitition of the phrase was fine but perhaps the phrase could be more powerful if changed from a question to a statement.

I would also prefer a less prescient ending. But the prophetic device is not a favorite of mine. I suppose why I don't like the device is that it sews up the character's life and in this case, makes the declarative that she will never recover. It takes away hope and potential. Possibly your point.

Anyway, interesting read.

[Pirengle]

I hate to be a facist troll, but why is this here? I mean, it's a nifty piece. But what does it have to do with fan fiction based on Bioware/Black Isle games? Yeah, the protagonist is working on what seems to be BG2 fanfic. But the rest of the piece feels too much like teenage angst.

If something Forgotten Realms-related does appear in this story, I suggest you hold off on updating until you can add that bit. I don't run this place, obviously, so whatever the mods say goes, but why post a story that isn't fan fiction on a fan fiction forum? If you're looking for other places to post your work, I can give you links to places more suited for your genre and style.

[Pirengle]

Yet fan fiction implies that that a fan is writing fiction about something. I assumed that, since this is a fan site for the Forgotten Realms game series, the fan fiction would also be about the Forgotten Realms game series. (And the subheading of this forum was ginked from FWP, and, as far as I can remember, that forum held fanfic from the Forgotten Realms games, nothing more.)

And mind you, and anyone else who cares to read, your interpretation of fan fiction sets up a nice laissez-faire relationship with this board's contents, this board's relation to the total forum's contents, and quite possibly this board's connection with reality itself.

So, if nobody really cares, I'm going to post my Gospel now.

[farsal]

She asked MG before posting. MG said it was fine to have an off topic story. Perhaps the title of the forum could be changed to fiction by FW members, or a writer could add "off-topic" in their comments on their story to warn a reader that their story is a non fanfiction. Personally, I did not find reading a non fanfiction story disturbing.

[Gothic Raven]

Wow... I go away for a couple days and look at all the comments. Not that I don't like the comments.

I however especially appreciate the criticism. I always prefer that over compliments, but I like those to.

@BobTokyo: MG sent me a pm asking me the same thing. So I put them in.

@farsal: When I wrote the first chapter in USED I had intended it to be a short stand alone story that would make you think. Thus the "...Have you ever been used?" line. But thanks to the encouragement of some really great people I kept writing. But I will most likely take it out now. Thank you for the advice on that subject. I was wrestling with taking it away or not.

@Pirengle: I thought about that, that's why I asked MG. But the main reason I'm posting here is because I'm a former member from before the merger. I'm just using another name.   So I wanted to contribute more to the site.

@Notmrt: No apology necessary . And yes I'm going to change the end.


Thank you all for reading and/or commenting. Their will be more!