66 replies to this topic

[farsal]

First, I like this story very much and have read it before. I won't discuss the plots and turns that occur later in the tale but I found them very plausible and it was definitely a good way to tie up a loose thread.

Secondly, take my opinion with a grain of salt because I can't write my way out of a paper bag, but some of the sentences seem a little awkward. Very pretty in their intent but with simple re-arranging or changing of tenses would be better. I am sorry I don't know how to use the quote feature so I cannot give specifics. Also at least one mis-spelling, it is stature not statue.

Overall, I like it very much and I think it has a lovely tone. Although I have read it before I was still on the edge of my seat when reading it and was very cross when it ended. I would definitely like to read more.

[thecursed]

i'll have to read the rest before i can make an honest opinion about it, but its starting as a good tale. is the main char a former bhaalspawn?

[MorningGlory]

Celestine! I am so glad you decided to dust off this little gem and give us an updated version!!

Thank you for such a niiiiice treat.. It's even better the second time around.


MG


PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..

[Celestine]

First, I like this story very much and have read it before. I won't discuss the plots and turns that occur later in the tale but I found them very plausible and it was definitely a good way to tie up a loose thread.

Secondly, take my opinion with a grain of salt because I can't write my way out of a paper bag, but some of the sentences seem a little awkward. Very pretty in their intent but with simple re-arranging or changing of tenses would be better. I am sorry I don't know how to use the quote feature so I cannot give specifics. Also at least on mis-spelling, it is stature not statue.

Thank you Farsal. I agree with your comments, couldn't have said it better myself. I will work on the sentence flow more and the grammar. Always one of my weakess point.

Thanks for your support.

@thecursed: yeah, the main character is an ex-bhaalspawn. I asked MG to remove the old thread since I will be making alot of changes to the storyline.

[Celestine]

Celestine! I am so glad you decided to dust off this little gem and give us an updated version!!

Thank you for such a niiiiice treat.. It's even better the second time around.


MG


PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..

Thank you so much MG. *hugs*

[farsal]

PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..

Actually, I did wonder but I still think it is an appropriate comment. I think most people post stories in the hopes, with the exception of MorningGlory and other writers with her level of expertise, to entertain but also to receive the reader's impressions and at times, criticism.

Obviously, I still don't understand how to quote.

[MorningGlory]

PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..  

Actually, I did wonder but I still think it is an appropriate comment. I think most people post stories in the hopes, with the exception of MorningGlory and other writers with her level of expertise, to entertain but also to receive the reader's impressions and at times, criticism.

Obviously, I still don't understand how to quote.

Farsal, don't worry about the quoting.. There's a bunch of us that, er, don't know how to quote.. LOL LOL *blush* *blush* Er, me included..

Yes, it is/was an appropriate comment you made. But, many here are unfamiliar with Celestine's work, and I just wanted the other readers to know that English isn't her primary language.

Hey! And I keep the calluses on my fingertips 'in shape' in hopes of coming up with something to entertain you guys, too!

MG

[Celestine]

Yes, it is/was an appropriate comment you made.      But, many here are unfamiliar with Celestine's work, and I just wanted the other readers to know that English isn't her primary language. 

Hey!  And I keep the calluses on my fingertips 'in shape' in hopes of coming up with something to entertain you guys, too! 

MG

thanks MG, no problem Farsal. It is an appropriate comment, and its something I agree with. I have only myself to blame when I chose to sleep through grammar classes.

[farsal]

I too slept through my grammar classes,probably pretty obvious, but practice makes perfect. Again, I think the story has a great concept, a lovely tone, and I cannot wait to see the changes you make!



ps: still working on quoting.

[thecursed]

PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..

just out of curiosity, what is your native language?

[Celestine]

PS: And for those of you who may not know it, English is this lovely lady's second language..  

just out of curiosity, what is your native language?

It would be chinese, though I can hardly write in that either.

Just a short note, i re-posted chapter 1. hopefully its better.

[thecursed]

It would be chinese, though I can hardly write in that either.

right.

[g'lain]

This was the very first BGII FF that I ever had the delight to read and so many wonderful memories come rushing back to see it again!!! Thank you for bringing this incredible piece back for all to read! I can't wait for the rest of it! *wink wink*

*hugs* to you my friend!

-g'lain

[farsal]

Hmm. Chinese, I would have thought one of the Romance languages but then again I know nothing about Chinese or for that matter the Latin languages.

I re-read the redo and thought it flowed very nicely!

Minor Note: In the paragraph about the dagger you use the name "Rivian(sp.?)."

[Celestine]

This was the very first BGII FF that I ever had the delight to read and so many wonderful memories come rushing back to see it again!!! Thank you for bringing this incredible piece back for all to read! I can't wait for the rest of it! *wink wink*

*hugs* to you my friend!

-g'lain

awww.. *hugs* thanks lady g'lain.

Minor Note: In the paragraph about the dagger you use the name "Rivian(sp.?)."

arggh. can't believe I actually missed that.. Rivian is a character I'm playing on NWN, oh boy. Thanks for telling me about it. I'll edit that straightaway. how embarrassing.

[Shadowhawke]

Hi Celestine!! I remember this awesome fanfic from the other forum, and I remember leaning back after and thinking perhaps I should PM the author to say how awesome they were!! I never got around to it, but yeah...
My native language is Chinese as well, so I kind of understand how you feel. You're absolutely great at English!
And I like the changes too!
And don't be too embarassed about the NWN character slipup. I do it all the time...

[Celestine]

Hi Celestine!! I remember this awesome fanfic from the other forum, and I remember leaning back after and thinking perhaps I should PM the author to say how awesome they were!! I never got around to it, but yeah...
My native language is Chinese as well, so I kind of understand how you feel. You're absolutely great at English!
And I like the changes too!
And don't be too embarassed about the NWN character slipup. I do it all the time...

thanks so much for your kind words Shadowhawke. NWN-HOTU is such an awesome game, my mind's still on it even though I'm writing a BG fic. my bad.

[Beyshaliban]

*does happy dance*

I love Enielle's Disappearance and my lips are sealed about content and conclusion! Just know that I'm eagerly awaiting your updates!

ahem, may we hope that you bring back your wonderful other stories as well?

Bey

[Celestine]

Awwww Bey *hug* *hug*. thanks so much. I'm re-writing all the chapters, hopefully a second time round would improve the overall story flow and loopholes. If I manage to survive the re-writing, i would do the same for the other stories too. *hugs*. thanks.

[farsal]

Yay!!! Very fun and you do know how to keep the reader on the edge of their seat.