While Shepard Watched, chapter 19
Ghosts of Memory
Alchera is bleak. It?s well outside the life zone for its particular star, and just failed to retain enough mass to become a second gas giant for the system. Instead, it has an atmosphere of methane and ammonia, that falls as ?snow? on a rough rocky surface. Three small moons provide some protection, but the surface is still pitted with asteroid impacts. Yet that?s where I find myself standing.
I?m on my own, without even the Cerberus crewman who normally would have flown the shuttle down to remain on board. I don?t think any of the Cerberus crew would have any emotional attachment to the site, and somehow it feels disrespectful to my dead to bring them here. Joker wanted to come, but his physical condition meant he wouldn?t be able to do more than stay in the shuttle, and he didn?t feel like that would show proper respect. Doctor Chakwas was going to come, except she?s suddenly performing surgery on one of the crew, whose appendix suddenly erupted. Garrus of course is the other Normandy survivor on board, and he regards it as a strange human custom to commemorate the dead in this way. It?s not that he refused, but we started to put together the Thanix cannon today, and he wanted to supervise it.
The only noise as I walk around the site is the crunch of my boots on the snow, and a faint hiss as more falls on the thin layer. While I suspect small fragments of the Normandy are scattered across half this hemisphere of the planet, the massier sections remained on the same general trajectory and have fallen within an area of not much more than a square kilometre. Shattered sections of hull and structural members with some of the plating attached loom over me as I walk around. Over there, the port side of the fuselage lies, half buried in the drifts. The letters Normandy still stand out proudly, declaring the history of this ship. I remember last time I saw them, standing on the Alliance dock on the Citadel, looking down at my ship. It was almost the only place I ever saw the name like that, since on most docks it was over my head. Near the hull, I find the first dog tag. Emerson, Hector; a big man, one of the marine guards who protected the entrance to the CiC, with a wheezing laugh that his friends used to tease him about.
I start to search the area, systematically covering each section. Dog tags are intended to respond to an interrogatory pulse, and my omnitool broadcasts is systematically. I spot a second almost immediately. Chase, Addison; head of third watch in engineering, due to go on leave as soon as our mission was completed as his wife was expecting their third child with a couple of months. Those three will grow up never knowing their father.
Pakti, Abishek; another engineer. Lived uptown when I was growing up in the slums. It?s funny how the things I knew growing up, he had a totally different perspective on, and vice versa. His father was a noted philanthropist, who argued that joining the navy was a bad career choice that would get his only son killed, which made Abishek unhappy sometimes.
Crosby, Silas; married two weeks before the Normandy left for New Eden. His childhood sweetheart, a blonde woman with a large bust, who came to wave the Normandy off and got in my way when I ws trying to board. He apologised, repeatedly, despite the number of times I told him not to worry about it. A marine private, he?d only been in for a year when he died.
One of the more intact sections of hull attracts my attention, and I clamber through the opening. This bit led up to the bridge. There?s the pilot?s chair that Joker was always in, the one without the leather seat he now loves so much. One more set of tags here. Caroline Grenado; ensign, manned one of the sensor stations on the corridor leading to the bridge. Used to spend hours in the female restroom, gossiping about the latest relationships on board, and speculating on who might be in one next. Last time I walked in there, she blushed scarlet and hurried out. Can?t imagine why.
Another one, just outside, peeking out from under a storage crate. Tucks, Carlton; another engineer, slightly overweight. I?d had to warn him to get into shape for his next physical, and he was sulking about it. He wanted to get out when his enlistment came up in six months, and didn?t see any point working in fitness he wouldn?t need. His family wanted him home to help run their delivery business in Florida, and he had pictures of the beaches pasted on the inside of his locker.
Tanaka, Raymond; his tag lies next to an escape pod that got ejected without anyone inside. A colonial boy, one of the few survivors of the Batarian attack on Elysium. He absolutely hated Batarians, which is hardly a surprise. I once heard him comment tha tTorfan was justice, but only partial jsutice. I?d made a note that he needed psychological help, but hadn?t forwarded it. Now, he won?t need it and there?s no reason to tarnish his memory.
A little further round the area is another large chunk of wreckage. I walk up to it, and realise where I?m standing. Ahead of me is the section of ramp that I walked up so many times to look at the galaxy map and set a course to our next destination. The controls around the display are shattered on the deck, having been opened to space by the original attack. Oddly, part of the top plating still extends above me on the right, and there?s a response from under it. I slip past some broken structural members, and recover another tag. Grieco, Marcus; I wonder what he?d have been doing in CiC, as he was an engineer. He was looking forward to his next leave, since he was planning to propose marriage to his girlfriend. They?d rented a room on the Citadel on their last leave, and according to gossip didn?t come out for two days.
As I stand up straight from lifting the tag, I notice a loose data pad. Wondering whose it was, I pick it up and try to transfer some power to it from my equipment. It flickers faintly to life, and there?s the index. Commander Pressley, my navigator and theoretically second-in-command, though I hardly treated him as such, using the Normandy more as a transport for my regular ground team. A few diary entries are already readable.
[data unrecoverable]/*/**(/ [data recovered] spoke to the Commander about this. I [corrupt] all these damned aliens aboard the Alliance?s most advanced warship. I just don?t trust them. Esp[data unrecoverable] damned Asari. And a Quarian! What does Shepard think this is, a zoo?
[data unrecoverable] hfg/$%/tr.n?phg*/w¬[data recovered] spoke to the Quarian. It seems she?s on some sort of pilgrimage, trying to improve the lot of her home ship. I can understand that. I would [data unrecoverable] babysit my children, or something like that, but if she has to be on board I suppose it?s not so bad.
[data unrecoverable] `fme/* wte /$%/gfg?^feiq~ [data recovered] for a while now, and I?m taking a look back at past entries in this journal. I [corrupt] believe how blind I was at the time. I came on this ship firmly believing humanity was on it?s own in the galaxy [data unrecoverable] Shepard brought all these aliens on board, and there?s no way we could have accomplished what we did without them. I am proud to say [corrupt] would die for any member of this crew, regardless of where they were born.
Oh, Pressley. With your smart little beard, and your willingness to try to do whatever would keep me happy. I knew you didn?t like aliens, and there I was thinking I?d ask for you to be replaced if you couldn?t react better to them. I hadn?t even realised how much you?d changed.
Outside, there?s another dog tag. Bakari, Jamin; newly assigned after the Battle of the Citadel, and so excited to be on the Normandy. A distinct case of hero worship, leading him to offer to carry Chief Williams bag. She looked at him as if he was an insect, and suggested if he thought she couldn?t carry her own he could come down to the exercise area and spar with her. He looked so embarrassed, I let him carry mine instead.
Neguluso, Monica; her dog tags lie in a ccrack in the ground, which I have to stretch to reach into. She was a new recruit when the Normandy set out to New Eden, and came on board at the same time I did. Bursting with enthusiasm for her first posting, actually seeing combat shook her up. After a few days, and a couple of talks, she was back to her bubbly self. If the gossip I heard was right, she was showing a lot of interest in one of the other engineers.
Barrett, Germeer. His tags are lying a long way from the main site, where part of the Normandy balances over a crevasse. He was a weapons maintenance technician, and played the guitar badly in the mess hall when off duty. It didn?t seem to bother him when people threw food at him, as long as they didn?t mess up his uniform. He?d been in a band at school, and three of his band mates also served in the military, though not on Normandy.
On a ledge next to the remnants of an engine, I notice a black combat helmet. One of my marines must have lost it. Except that there?s a red marking on it. My heart beats a little faster, and I clamber up onto the ledge. An N7 logo looks back at me from my old combat helmet. It?s cracked down one side, and the visor is clearly broken, but it?s still mine, that I?d had with me since before Torfan. Now, it?s coming home with me.
LaFlamme, Orden; his tags are just off the end of the ledge. Another of my engineers, this one a specialist in power systems. He was going through a really messy divorce, his wife blaming his permanent absence as a factor. I bet she claimed the widows pension, though, when he went missing. Noiw she can have the bonus for losing her husband too confirmed.
Waaberi, Amina; her tag responds from under a crate. For a moment, the hiss of snow is broken by a burst of gunfire echoing around the wreckage as I blast it open. Her parents came to see her on the Citadel after the battle, the first time they?d ever been off Earth. They were so proud of her, and seemed equally happy to meet me. They thought I?d take care of their daughter.
Another section of wreckage lies broken open on a ridge. I clamber into it, realising that it?s the old sleeper pd section from deck two. Two more tags in here, which is a surprise since there were always people on rest periods. I suppose I should write to the manufacturors, complimenting them on their emergancy alarm equipment.
Dubyansky, Alexei; assistant pilot. Given Joker?s tendencies, he had trouble getting enough flight time to stay technically qualified. I finally moved him to second shift, when Joker was supposed to be asleep, so that he could spend time in the chair. Which rarely helped, since we rarely arrived anywhere without Joker being at the controls, and monitoring the systems in FTL space wasn?t exactly demanding piloting.
Lowe, Helen M.; my senior petty officer on the navy side, as Ashley was my senior NCO for the marines. Kept the ship running, made sure any problems came ot my attention as well as Pressley?s, and did the neatest crochet I?d ever seen. Married and divorced twice during her first ten years in the navy, she was coming up to twenty-five years in. Originally she?d been a flight engineer on assault shuttles, and was part of the landing force at Shanxi when we threw the Turians out.
Outside, another tag beeps at me from under the edge of a crate. I push it aside. Felawa, Robert; he wanted to apply for special forces training, despite serving as a supply clerk. I interviewed him twice, and he had the right sort of personality in many ways, but he needed a lot of work to be ready. I was working with him on a training program that might get him ready.
One more large section of hull, and it?s from deck two. The old mess still has some of it?s furniture bolted to the floor, despite being crushed into a crevasse on both sides. My old office/bedroom is gone on one side, and sick bay on the other. And there, wires dangling from what?s left of the ceiling, is Lieutenant Alenko?s workstation. I half expect him to be standing there now, as he almost always was when I went through here. But of course I killed him on Virmire.
Gladstone, Harvey J.; another of my engineers. Deputy to Commander Adams, and commanded second watch. Thinking about it, most of the dead engineers are second watch. If I remember correctly, they would have been on station and probably stayed on longer than ws safe to try to keep things running as long as possible. Harvey was starting to go bald, was embarrassed about it, and wore a cap to try and hide it; which only meant he ws teased more any time he took it off.
Rahman, Mandira; a marine corporal, who was self confident enough to argue with me when the subject of combat drones came up. Her family ran an electronics company on earth, and she knew a lot about the subject. She doted on her baby brother, who I met on the citadel and who stood taller than either me or Mandira and probably massed as much as the two of us together. Not such a baby any more, but she still treated him like he was massively junior to her.
Criss-crossing the area, I find two more tags close together. Draven, Rosamund, and Draven, Talitha; Alliance regulations don?t allow relatives to serve on the same ship, normally, but these two weren?t related. Rosamund was one of Doctor Chakwas? sick berth attendants, a calm woman with a slow drawl, who knitted blankets nearly as well as Chief Lowe crocheted them. Talitha had a fiancé on one the Kilimanjaro, who she married on the Citadel with an Asari priestess performing the ceremony, one day after the Battle of the Citadel, and with both commanding officers in attendance. She claimed that she couldn?t know what would happen at any point, and damned if she was going to die without getting married.
That?s all twenty missing tags. The last pair lay close to a lump of rock near the centre of the area. On top of that rock is the Mako, its belly broken open by the impact. A piece of equipment that went all the way from Earth, through scores of worlds to Ilos, and then half way across the galaxy in a Prothean-built mass relay, before being abandoned illegally parked at the base of the Citadel tower. This isn?t that one. This one didn?t even get to leave the ship, and doesn?t have any of the scratches and dents I remember from my Mako. Yet it still reminds me of what the new Normandy is missing, and I stare at it nostalgically for a few seconds.
There was one other thing the Alliance wanted me to do here, and that was to put up a monument. I look around, but there?s only one appropriate place. Walking over to the shuttle, I open the cargo hatch and lift out the monument. It?s not really what I was expecting, a stylised Normandy on a flare of metal representing it swooshing through space, with a simple inscription telling visitors the name of the ship, it?s construction and destruction date, and a piece of poetry.
Cattle die, kindred die
Every man is mortal
But I know one thing
That never dies
The glory of the
Great dead.
I pilot the shuttle away, leaving the Normandy?s ghosts behind to haunt the wreckage.