1 reply to this topic

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Orm! It's great to see a piece up of yours, and with a charming start might I add. The innocence of Candlekeep has always been dear to my heart.

Now for some constructive criticism. While I was reading the piece, I noticed that you jumped around with your tenses a little, such as

She grinned and starting to laugh as well.

That's easily fixed with a little bit of proof-reading, and I also find that reading out aloud helps. The same goes for a few easy grammatical mistakes like 'its' and 'it's'.

Aside from that, what you've written is certainly intriguing. Sounds like both of them are thieves, yes? And who is this Mr. Jingles they are talking about? I'd love to read more, thanks so much for posting up.

[Orm]

Hi Shawdowhawke
Thanks very much for your thoughts and constructive criticism.  They are greatly appreciated.  As far as the problems you mentioned, I do read my material aloud.  However, even though I do catch a lot of my mistakes, I still miss quite a few.  One of my major problems is that I leave words out!!!  I have to read and reread.  Grammar and spelling are not my best subjects in school.  My subjects are science and math.  In fact, I teach high school chemistry and physics.

They are thieves.  But as far as Mr. Jingles is concerned, you will just have to wait.  

Lee

Edited by Orm, 23 September 2009 - 10:10 PM.