470 replies to this topic

[EpitomyofShyness]

I hate making restrictions... But you are all right and Sarevok would be an incredibly picky guy.

Strength: 10-13?
Dexterity: anything
Constitution: 10
Intelligence: 12
Wisdom: anything
Charisma: 12-14

Rather high restrictions but as someone mentioned he is wonderfully picky.

By the by HighTime, I'm gonna mess with that dialog if you don't mind? Plus I was thinking. In the Longer Road mod there is a scene where your character has a dream, they dream about when Ellesime contacts the character through their dreams and Irenicus is going "Kill the elves HAHA!" For that dream it actually cutscenes to the original dream from SoA. Maybe we could do something similar with this talk? Except back to the first opening scene of SoA. A thought. Not sure it would work but it would be cool.

[HighTimeRodeo]

I hate making restrictions... But you are all right and Sarevok would be an incredibly picky guy.

Strength: 10-13?
Dexterity: anything
Constitution: 10
Intelligence: 12
Wisdom: anything
Charisma: 12-14

Rather high restrictions but as someone mentioned he is wonderfully picky.

By the by HighTime, I'm gonna mess with that dialog if you don't mind? Plus I was thinking. In the Longer Road mod there is a scene where your character has a dream, they dream about when Ellesime contacts the character through their dreams and Irenicus is going "Kill the elves HAHA!" For that dream it actually cutscenes to the original dream from SoA. Maybe we could do something similar with this talk? Except back to the first opening scene of SoA. A thought. Not sure it would work but it would be cool.

Hm, those stats look good. I can't really see any need to change them.

And sure, go ahead and play with it. I realize some of it was a bit OOC, but I finished it at least!!

Here, I'll post the dialog for you.

(Before Rest)

(You awake in the middle of the night from a dream with knives, tables, restraints and a pair of haunting blue eyes that still scare you. You're frozen, unable to move, barely able to breath and your heart is beating so hard that you're afraid it might burst.)

(A sudden shifting in the bed startles you and you jerk against a pair of strong arms that hold you tight as a rumbling voice sounds from behind you.)

Sarevok: S'okay. Just a dream, go back to sleep.

(Suddenly your muscles relax as you realize where you are and who's behind you. Your eyes drift shut and you fall back asleep, content with the knowledge you're safe, secure and that should those eyes ever rise again, you won't have to face them alone.)

(Change to Rest Screen)

(Sitting at the breakfast table, you're aware that Sarevok is watching you.)

Sarevok: Did you wake up from a nightmare last night?
1. Why do you ask? <innocent>
2. Yes. <honest>
3. It was last night, it doesn't matter this morning. END

<innocent> Sarevok: Because you tensed up and I thought you going to burst from the bed and take my arms with you.
1. Why should I tense up? <dodge>
2. I suppose you should know the truth of it.... <leading>

<honest> Sarevok: What could scare you so badly that you'd wake up ready to bolt?
1. It...He... His name was Irenicus. He was an elven mage who thought my soul would restore his immortality. If you truly have some of my memories, I have have to say nothing else. END


<dodge> Sarevok: You tell me. What was so bad?
1. (you look at him curiously, hearing the concern in his voice and seeing the willingness to listen on his face.) <unsure>
2. You're a Deathbringer, used to intimidation. Have you ever tortured someone? <setup>
3. It's nothing close to what you felt in the Abyss, but..... <pause>

<unsure> Sarevok: (He looks back at you expectantly and one eyebrow raises when you fail to start your story.)
1. Okay, okay.... We left not long after defeating you in Baldur's Gate. We were on the road back to the Friendly Arm Inn and we stopped to rest for the night. It's a little fuzzy, because we were all kind of sleepy. But it wasn't just that... There was a mist and figures in the mist. They knocked us out, before we could even get to our gear. When I woke up, we were seperated. I....It gets hazy from there. I remember the pain and the knives. Long story short, after he took my soul, we chased him to hell, killed him and got my soul back. None of us know what trigger the nightmares. A smell, a sound, something, anything. <explination>

<explination> Sarevok: Figures.
1. What do you mean? <soft>
2. What the hell does that mean? <harsh>
3. What figures? <question>

<soft> Sarevok: Figures that the one man I want to kill is already dead. At least his death was by your hand, though.
1. Aw, you're being protective. <teasing>
2. Yeah... But seeing as the way my life has gone? I wouldn't be surprised if he showed back up. <cynical>
3. I guess. But it doesn't stop the nightmares. <quiet>

<teasing> Sarevok: I am not. I'm just.... Dammit.
1. (You laugh as he flushes and you're still laughing when the others wake up. It's the start of another day and maybe another layer peeled from the man who started you on this road.) END


<harsh> Sarevok: It means that I'd like to string him up by his entrails as a wall hanging.
1. Yeah... But seeing as the way my life has gone? I wouldn't be surprised if he showed back up. <cynical>
2. That's sweet. But it doesn't stop the nightmares. <quiet>

<cynical> Sarevok: Then we'll put him back down. He won't bother you again.
1. (You go back to your meal, smiling a little. Another day has begun and perhaps another layer has been peeled from the man sitting across from you.) END

<quiet> Sarevok: Only time will make a difference. But remember, they are only nightmares and cannot hurt you. The worse they can do is scare you and even fear can be beaten.
1. (Silence reigns and for a second you think he was just saying it. But when you think about the look in his face when said it... You're sure there was genuine warmth in his voice and face.) END


<leading> Sarevok: Know the truth about what?
1. That I'm pregnant and the thought of it was keeping me awake last night. <lying>
2. Imoen, Anomen and Syrup. Don't ask. <squick>
3. Clowns. END

<lying> Sarevok: (His eyes widen in alarm and when you can no longer keep a straight face, his look sours and you wonder if you've offended him.) Do not joke about that. END

<squick> Sarevok: (His eyebrows go straight up until he realizes you're mocking him, then he just shakes his head and goes back to eating without a word.) END


<setup> Sarevok: I have.
1. And I have been tortured. You've seen the scars for yourself. They are product of the former elven mage Jon Irenicus. He thought my soul would restore him. It did, in a way. That is why we fought in hell. That is why I was there in the first place. So now you know. That's why I woke up last night. <reveal>

<reveal> Sarevok: (His eyebrows are up and he is silent for a few moments. Then he reaches across the table and silently squeezes your hand. You know he is a man of few words and great actions. This little guesture tells you a great deal and you're grateful for it.) END


<pause> Sarevok: But what?
1. Do you know what it feels like to have knives dragged across your skin? Sometimes just touching, sometimes cutting so deep your afraid your going to burst open? The Abyss is not a nice place. I know that, but there are somethings in this world that are just as bad, if not worse. <curt>

<curt> Sarevok: Whose knives?
1. A former elven mage named Jon Irenicus. He thought my soul would restore him and his power. It restored his power, but not him. We tracked him to Suldanessellar where he had released a horde of monsters on the city and her citizens. We stopped him, saved the city and got my soul back. Is that explination enough? END

I realize there's probably more action dialog than you guys like, but it sets up the talk. So if you feel like changing it, go ahead.

[Choo Choo]

Yes. Action dialogue. Too much. Baaaaaad. It overpowers the actual dialogue. It does need proofreading, and Sarevok is a bit out of character. (To begin with I could never picture him saying "S'okay", for example.. and again, less PC responses than one would like.

[Cal Jones]

Premise is fine, but what Choo Choo said. Need Aeryn to come and Sarevok-it up a bit.

<sp> separated
(it's separate... unlike desperate.) I used to proof read a lot as part of my job so if you need any help on that count, I'm happy to oblige. Bear in mind I'm UK English though.

[Thanatos.]

Symptoms such as clenched fists, bared teeth, you know, anger stuff. Wanting to kill everything. Those kind of symptoms.

[Aeryn]

The dialog premise is great, and the writing is as well, but a mod cannot be written the same way as a fanfic or other prose. I'll come right out and bash my own work since I've learned a lot in the last few months: Sarevok RE was not written the way an in game dialog should be written, period. Telling someone how their PC feels is a huge no-no. Not only does it take away their rights as a roleplayer, but it breaks the flow to demand that someone's PC must feel a certain way. For example, my CE Bhaalspawn wouldn't feel afraid to dream of Irenicus - she'd be pissed and wish she could resurrect him and kill him again just for laughs. So, instead of starting with a "this is how you feel" statement, I'd start something more like this:

(You awake in the middle of the night from a dream with knives, tables, restraints and a pair of haunting blue eyes.)
1. (Sigh and try to go back to sleep.)
2. (Turn your face into the pillow and try not to cry.)
3. (Grind your teeth as anger washes over you.)

(The bed shifts suddenly and a pair of strong arms hold you tight as a rumbling voice sounds from behind you.) Calm yourself. It was only a dream.
1. (Snuggle into his arms and relax back into sleep.)
2. (Blink away your tears and pray the dream does not return.)
3. (Shrug off his embrace and hope you are able to calm down enough to rest.)

That way the player has the ability to choose how their PC feels and all those options can still lead to Sarevok asking what happened the next morning. Of course, the goal is to avoid parenthetical text as much as possible, but I'm more sympathetic to the use of it than most other people, so meh. I'd also like to see more PC response options, like giving him some details, but not all, and maybe some harsher responses as well. If you want, I can tweak it, or wait to see what Epitomy changes first.

[Thanatos.]

[berelinde]

You have to be careful with punctuation, even if you aren't the coder. Doing so will save on bug reports.

If you use <carats>, the game engine will think it's a dialogue token and if it isn't something like <CHARNAME>, it will give you nothing but a blank space. So <honest> would give you just a blank space. It reads [square brackets] as sound files. That will probably also just give you a blank space. In BG2, the best convention to follow for parenthetical text of any kind is (parenthetical text). Ordinary, round brackets. Or you could use *asterisks*.

Style-wise, I cringe whenever I see only one PC response. I like to give lots, but you should always offer more than one.

Example:

<honest> Sarevok: What could scare you so badly that you'd wake up ready to bolt?
1. It...He... His name was Irenicus. He was an elven mage who thought my soul would restore his immortality. If you truly have some of my memories, I have have to say nothing else. END

Maybe the PC doesn't want to say.

Oh... I see. <honest> here is a state label. It's still adding work for the coder. You could just leave the carats out and just use plain text. Stuff like this makes life easier for the coder.

honest
Sarevok: ~What could scare you so badly that you'd wake up ready to bolt?~
PC: ~It... He... His name was Irenicus. He was an elven mage who thought my soul would restore his immortality. If you truly have some of my memories, I have have to say nothing else.~ statelabel1
PC: ~I'd rather not talk about it any more.~ EXIT
END


All I did was add ~tildes~ around the spoken text and substitute PC: for numbers, and change the spacing. This way, all the coder has to do is perform a "find and replace" to replace Sarevok: with Sarevok's dialogue file and PC: with ++. Much easier that way.

[GeN1e]

You could just leave the carats out and just use plain text. Stuff like this makes life easier for the coder.

I wouldn't be so certain, really, as at the very least it depends on the personal prefernces. Besides, what was posted isn't yet a code to be compiled. While it may seem that writing in 'weidu style' is good it's not necessarily so. Encoding may distract from actual writing at times.

[Icendoan]

Could you use {curly braces}?

Icen

[berelinde]

You can use any character you want to separate state labels from the original text. The coder will just have to take them out later. I'm just making suggestions that will make life easier for whoever's going to have to code this thing later.

It is about personal preference, but I've found that when I do actually write it out uncoded and go back and code something later (which is unusual, because usually, I code as I write, or sometimes before), it's the little things like punctuation that foul me up. YYMV.

[Aeryn]

Sarevok/Haer'dalis banter. I need to know if the humor comes through or if it's only funny to me...wouldn't be the first time. I was debating cutting out the first bit of poetry to avoid making HD look like a Sola/Tsujatha wanna be, but I kind of think it adds to the way he's poking fun at Sarevok. Both poems are Poe...was the only poetry book on the desk when I started writing the banter.

Sarevok: ~What foolishness is this, bard? Unhand me!~

Haer?dalis: ~Nay, stay your blade, my ever armored hawk! T?was merely a handshake to congratulate thy triumph. Come, come, share a drink with this sparrow and let us toast your victory o'er the battlefield of love!~

Sarevok: ~I am in no mood for your nonsense. Begone!~

Haer?dalis: ~Such murderous looks you give this simple bard! So love is not all bliss as they say, then? Pray, pour out your melancholy woes to me and I shall find a way to bring thee cheer!~

Sarevok: ~My only sorrow is <CHARNAME>?s tolerance of your presence.~

Haer?dalis: ~Ah, so ?tis denial then? Truly, I sympathize with your plight as no man wishes to admit defeat, but all things must end, as the dawn brings the dusk and order strives for coveted chaos.~
= ~Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire?~
= ~Ah, well, my fierce friend, mayhap your love for <CHARNAME> was worth the pain I see writ upon your brow?~

Sarevok: ~What? Are you mad? I never said things were ill between us, fool!~

Haer?dalis: ~Ah, so they are well then? What joyous news! Come, join me and the wine and share all the tawdry details! Surely you have gleaned many of <CHARNAME>?s wicked little secrets by now, have you not?~

Sarevok: ~Bard, not only do I have no desire to spend one moment more than necessary in your presence, but <CHARNAME> would likely unman me if I spoke of the things I know.~

Haer?dalis: ~Hah! And does that not make the temptation to tell me all the sweeter, dear Sarevok?~

Sarevok: ~Hmm?~
= ~For once, you may have a point. But I have no desire to sleep alone.~

Hae?dalis: ~As you would have it. Go to her, then, with my blessing!~
= ~But list, O list, - so soft and low
Thy lover?s voice tonight shall flow,
That, scarce awake, thy soul shall deem
My words the music of a dream.~
= ~Thus, while no single sound too rude
Upon thy slumber shall intrude,
Our thoughts, our souls ? O gods above~
In every deed shall mingle, love.~
= ~Go, <CHARNAME>?s unarmored hawk, and mingle with thy love.~
END

[Orthodoxia]

I have to say, I like your style of writing. It goes very well with the game itself

Though the only thing I can't figure out is whether Haer'Dalis would be so insistent about such a frivolous subject. I'm not sure, I hadn't played the game in a while.

[Lykainon]

I have to say, I like your style of writing. It goes very well with the game itself

I agree. Especially impressive since I found Haer'dalis pretty hard to write for.

Though the only thing I can't figure out is whether Haer'Dalis would be so insistent about such a frivolous subject. I'm not sure, I hadn't played the game in a while.

Since shame seems to be a fairly foreign concept to him, I'm pretty sure that if he was curious enough about something, he would be very insistant about something. He strikes me as the kind of guy that could walk up to a stranger a start discuss their parents' sexlife if he felt like doing so. (Granted, most people probably wouldn't realize what he was going on about with all of his poetry and bird-names but that's not the point. )

[Cal Jones]

He's the only character who is ballsy enough to ask Sarevok what it's like to be tormented in Hell. Ballsy or stupid... make your own mind up.
I think Aeryn's nailed him (as always!)

[Lykainon]

I think Aeryn's nailed him (as always!)

First she's drooling all over naked Sarevok then she's nailing Haer'dalis...

That's interesting...

(Yes, I have a dirty mind and a lousy sense of humor when tired. So friggin' sue me. )

[Aeryn]

Heh, to be honest, I dream of a Haer'dalis romance (and have been since even before I lusted for Sarevok), but that's a whole other topic. I do love writing him though. And, yes, a Sarevok romance is long overdue! I keep forgetting, but I have to put in a flirt request: "Trace Sarevok's tattoos."

[EpitomyofShyness]

I want a Haer'Dalis romance too, but I don't adore him as much as Sarevok.

And I love that flirt idea! Just added it to my list.

And seeing as how everyone else is putting up samples, I figured I should allow my work to criticized.

Anyways, I put it in code, I think. I hope I did it right... Probably not... But oh well... Let's see what the general masses think eh?

IF ~~ sa1ar
SAY~(You see Sarevok Anchev, the man who has tried to kill you in the past and set you on the path you now walk standing not far away. You)~
++~Flirt~sa1ar.1
++~Turn Away~
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.1
SAY~~
++~Stare at him.~sa1ar.2
++~Walk up behind him.~
++~ Trace Sarevok?s Tattoos.~
++etc.
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.2
SAY~(You watch Sarevok?s tall form and are struck by the sense that he is a tightly coiled weapon. Each movement seems deliberate, down to the simple clenching of a fist. The ripple of hard muscle beneath the bronzed skin of his neck is almost hypnotic. You don?t even realize when his gaze comes to rest upon you.)~
IF ~~ + sa1ar.3
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.3
SAY~ Exactly what are you looking at?~
++~ Wh- what? Oh? Um? Nothing.~sa1ar.4
++~ You.~sa1ar.8
++~ Hmm? Oh. I was thinking.~sa1ar.4
++~ Nothing.~sa1ar.4
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.4
SAY~ Oh really? Couldn?t you, my dear sister, Terror of the Swordcoast, think of a better excuse than this?~
++~ It?s not an excuse!~sa1ar.5
++~ Erm? No? I was distracted?~sa1ar.6
++~ Fine. I probably could have if I weren?t so distracted.~sa1ar.6
++~ I was thinking, Sarevok.~sa1ar.5
++~ It was not an excuse, Sarevok. You are just reading into it is all.~sa1ar.5
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.5
SAY~ Truly sister, I would have thought you to know me better. Do not presume that I cannot tell a lie from the truth.~
++~ (blush) I wasn?t lying.~sa1ar.7
++~ I wasn?t lying.~sa1ar.7
++~ Why do you care?~sa1ar.9
++~ Fine. I was looking at you.~sa1ar.8
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.6
SAY~ Oh? And just what is so distracting about my face?~
++~ Umm? Something?~sa1ar.10
++~ ?Your face?~sa1ar.10
++~ ? Honestly? Everything.~ sa1ar.9
++~ I don?t have to tell you anything.~sa1ar.11
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.7
SAY~ Truly? I think you are lying again, sister. What is it you find so fascinating about my face then? Is it the tattoos? Or perhaps something else? Are you still unable to believe that I live? Gorion?s murderer, brought back by your own will? Having second thoughts, sister?~
++~ That?s not it at all!~sa1ar.12
++~ Don?t you dare say Gorion?s name!~sa1ar.13
++~ No, I wasn?t having second thoughts.~sa1ar.12
++~ I wasn?t having second thoughts until now.~sa1ar.14
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.8
SAY~ Why <CHARNAME>?~
++~ I don?t know.~ sa1ar.9
++~ I wanted to.~ sa1ar.9
++~ Do I need a reason?~ sa1ar.9
++~ I? I?m not sure.~ sa1ar.9
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.9
SAY~? You should be careful <CHARNAME>, you might find yourself more than you can handle.~
IF ~~ EXIT
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.10
SAY~ I?ll let it go for now <CHARNAME>, but you should be careful. You might find yourself more than you can handle.~
IF ~~ EXIT
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.11
SAY~ Really? Very well <CHARNAME>. I see no further need to speak to you.~
IF ~~ EXIT
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.12
SAY ~ Oh? Then what is it?~
++~ I was looking at you.~sa1ar.9
++~ I wasn?t doing anything.~sa1ar.11
++~ Nothing Sarevok.~sa1ar.11
++~ I? I was looking at you?~sa1ar.9
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.13
SAY ~ Does that truly bother you so <CHARNAME>? As you will. I see no further need to speak with you.~
IF ~~ EXIT
END

IF ~~ sa1ar.14
SAY ~ Ha! Surely you jest? Come now, sister, what were you looking at?~
++~ I was looking at you.~sa1ar.9
++~ I wasn?t doing anything.~sa1ar.11
++~ Nothing Sarevok.~sa1ar.11
++~ I? I was looking at you?~sa1ar.9
++~ It was not said in jest.~sa1ar.11

[Thanatos.]

Lovalehya!