123 replies to this topic

[Shadowhawke]

Hmm... I must agree that I really like the way you've portrayed Bhaal here. The overly menacing clunkhead in full armour got a little old and unbelievable, especially after we learnt he was an assassin, not a meatshield. This sophisticated, eloquent and crafty Bhaal suits my thoughts of him far more. I'd also like to mention that I liked how you changed the dream sequences in general and how Bhaal uses it to explain to Alex just what's happened with her memory. Nevertheless, I have to say I was surprised that Alex was writhing around like she was in a nightmare - it didn't seem too nightmarish to me, just a wary conversation.

That said, I did enjoy the direction it took, as well as Jaheira's talk with Nalia. Have fun on your trip, and I'm looking forwards to more when you return.

[Tempest]

Nevertheless, I have to say I was surprised that Alex was writhing around like she was in a nightmare - it didn't seem too nightmarish to me, just a wary conversation.

I was wondering if anyone would pick up on this, to be honest. All I have to say on it, for now, is that I'm glad someone noticed.

[Tempest]

I'm sorry, but the next chapter will be delayed again (though I WILL get another finished before I leave on vacation, a week from today). Partly is that I'm having trouble coming up with a chapter covering the transition between the last one and the next new incident of note, and partly that I've succumbed to the lure of an old game I've rediscovered-Wizardry VII: Crusaders of the Dark Savant (if "Burn them, my children! MORE, MORE, MORE! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" means anything to you, you know how eager I am to finish this part of the game in an... appropriately decisive fashion).

As it is, expect the plot to get moving faster soon. There's only one more major subquest to get out of the way before Chapter 3 starts, and a few or several secondary characters are liable to be acting more intelligently and befitting their station than how they act in canon.

[Tempest]

Okay, I lied about getting another chapter up before leaving. Got it about half done, but packing has taken more time than I expected. Maybe I can do some writing on the plane.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Tempest!

I'm really sorry it's taken me so long to reply... I've been away since July 2nd and haven't had internet access. But I just wanted to congratulate you on a most enjoyable chapter. I think your take on the city, its politics, intrigues and corruption were dealt with amazingly here, as well as the very real and realistic problems of reputation and practicality of a Bhaalspawn in charge of de'Arnise Keep. I'm fascinated by Selya, and loved the interplay between her and Nalia. Can't wait for more!

[Tempest]

A disclaimer: Selya is not actually a character I created. She was created by Ilmatar under other circumstances, and is being used with her permission, albeit tweaked. The original Selya was a vamp-ish seductress, but I chose to emphasize a different aspect of the character.

As it is, Selya is filling in a role that I had originally intended for Captain Vaenys before I realized that Vaenys would have ended up much too similar to Nathaniel Donos-she is the counterweight to Nalia, the politically savvy and moderately unscrupulous operator, balancing Nalia's own naivete and refusal to dwell on the dirty end of things. You'll see how that all plays out in time, and not, perhaps, in the most expected fashion.

And apologies for not getting another chapter out this week-I really do hope to get back to doing a chapter a week, but my new computer arrived this week, letting me finally play Mass Effect, and I've been enjoying the game tremendously, even as it eats up my time.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Tempest!

Great to see a new chapter up. I just want to say that, although it might have been a filler, it still did enough to keep me intrigued. The way Alex didn't have to deal with the Unseeing Eye was inspired, and I like to think of the way it might have panned out, given I always enjoyed Gaal's reaction when I betrayed him. Most of all, however, I love how you got the Temples and Council of Six involved in the undead business. That makes a heck of a lot more sense than no one in Athkatla paying attention the the damned infestation that you had to clear out.

So yes. As always, your realism was refreshing. I look forwards to whatever you have in store for us next.

[Solstice]

I finally got caught up this morning, and I still like Malleus Animorum, but I find it's a much slower read than At Soul's Edge was, and less fun to read. I acknowledge that BG2 is darker and edgier than BG1, but I'm missing a lot of the fun that came from Alex/Imoen, Imoen/Xan, and Alex/Ajantis. Moira's coming off as pretty Sue-ish, to me, and I second the lack of chemistry with her and Alex.

It's still an interesting read, but it's less fun than ASE. Please don't tell me this will dive into wangst territory, too.

[Tempest]

Great to see a new chapter up. I just want to say that, although it might have been a filler, it still did enough to keep me intrigued. The way Alex didn't have to deal with the Unseeing Eye was inspired, and I like to think of the way it might have panned out, given I always enjoyed Gaal's reaction when I betrayed him. Most of all, however, I love how you got the Temples and Council of Six involved in the undead business. That makes a heck of a lot more sense than no one in Athkatla paying attention the the damned infestation that you had to clear out.

The Unseeing Eye quest got cut because I want one big sidequest to finish out the pre-Shadow Thieves section of the story, and the Unseeing Eye wasn't the sidequest I had in mind. The people of Athkatla being aware of the undead problem has been mentioned before, but now it's coming into the open, for good or ill.

I finally got caught up this morning, and I still like Malleus Animorum, but I find it's a much slower read than At Soul's Edge was, and less fun to read.

Unfortunately, that's the nature of MA compared to ASE. BG1 took place in a smaller region, and on a smaller scale of time. Despite the occasional side-stops and moments of darkness, ASE was, in my opinion, faster and looser. MA is indeed slower-paced, and I agree that it's less fun to write. Lacking any real comic relief hurts, too.

I acknowledge that BG2 is darker and edgier than BG1, but I'm missing a lot of the fun that came from Alex/Imoen, Imoen/Xan, and Alex/Ajantis. Moira's coming off as pretty Sue-ish, to me, and I second the lack of chemistry with her and Alex.

The lack of comic relief is something that, in hindsight, I realize was a bad idea. Yoshimo was intended for the job, but I realized that I have a really hard time writing him, and the crew is much too uptight in general.

Also in hindsight, I regard Moira as a mistake. I think she'll still work out, but not in the way I had envisioned, and had I known when I started MA how she would turn out, I wouldn't have used Moira. I can't really single out a particular reason why she's failed to work, though I think my general inability to write convincing romantic relationships plays a part. Interpersonal chemistry is something I've only ever achieved by accident. By the same token, she's not coming off as flawed as I had intended, because Moira keeps certain parts of herself very close to the vest, and her relationship with Alexandria would have been the main vehicle for showing that Moira is ultimately a deeply flawed woman-unlike her brother, she simply doesn't talk about it. I overestimated my own ability to write Alex/Moira, and it's showing.

Please don't tell me this will dive into wangst territory, too.

It probably won't, but...

Spoiler

Alexandria will suffer a permanent major injury in the near future, though she'll cope with it pretty well.

[Tempest]

Dropping in to confirm that I will resume writing in the future, but I've been very busy for the last couple of weeks, and I'm returning to college tomorrow, so I have little spare time today. And of my free time, you can blame Guild Wars for eating it up. >_>

[Shadowhawke]

*nods* That's fair enough. We look forwards to when you return. Good luck with your return to college.

[Shadowhawke]

Good to see you back again, Tempest. Hope you're well. I enjoyed the dry banter between all of them, as well as a blacker look at the Shadow Thieves. It weaves very well into the realism you've already presented us with. I must admit, though, I was surprised as to Moira's conversation - it seemed one moment she was saying she found it very difficult to read Alex, and then the next moment Alex was complaining that she seemed to know her very well. Was that intended?

Xan was indeed very dry regarding Imoen, but I look forwards to seeing that shell crack. Take care, and I look forwards to your next chapter.

[Tempest]

Good to see you back again, Tempest. Hope you're well. I enjoyed the dry banter between all of them, as well as a blacker look at the Shadow Thieves. It weaves very well into the realism you've already presented us with. I must admit, though, I was surprised as to Moira's conversation - it seemed one moment she was saying she found it very difficult to read Alex, and then the next moment Alex was complaining that she seemed to know her very well. Was that intended?

Yes, it was. That conversation was dragging into the not-quite-open the key theme underlying Alex's character development throughout the story, though I probably won't come out and say what that theme was until the epilogue. Do bear in mind that, as the writer, I do not think Alexandria is remotely healthy, mentally and emotionally.

Xan was indeed very dry regarding Imoen, but I look forwards to seeing that shell crack.

You probably won't ever see his shell truly crack with Imoen-the scene early in Malleus Animorum when they found Imoen is probably the most emotional and open-hearted that Xan ever gets when he's not alone with Imoen, as it's chiefly an off-screen relationship, though I'm considering having a chapter written from Xan's perspective later on, when Imoen is back.


And perhaps it's a good thing that at the last second I withdrew the original ending for this chapter and decided not to go that route...

Spoiler

It would have ended with Alexandria lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when Moira shows up naked for an ending to the chapter that Alexandria would agree with the readers came out of nowhere, and that wham episode would have had repercussions for a long time.

As it is, this plot's messy enough without cracking open that can of worms.

Forgive me for painting the fourth wall once again, by the way. And for the Lord of the Rings homage. And the Star Trek nod comparing Xan to a Vulcan.

Edited by Tempest, 29 August 2009 - 07:03 AM.

[Dark-Mage]

Hey, Tempest. Just a quick note to let you know that I'm still reading and enjoying this story. I find your 'realistic' approch to the tale to be quite refreshing. Finally, the Bhaal dream was really well done. Keep uo the good work :-)

[Tempest]

I'm certainly trying.

Unfortunately, the last-minute change to the end of the last chapter seriously threw off my plans, and I'm having a hard time getting my plans back up to speed. Still, next chapter should be up on Friday. *Crosses fingers*

[Tempest]

An update and an apology for yet another long delay. I've found that writing research papers badly saps my writing chops, and I spent last weekend huddled in the library working on a paper. Doing the same this week. Looks like I'll be doing the same next week as well.

[Dark-Mage]

Hurray for education, eh?

[Tempest]

Folks, I'm aware I haven't posted in nearly two months, but I'm going to do my damndest to get this tale resumed within the next week or so. The hiatus has been half due to classes, half due to me DM'ing a DnD campaign for the first time and finding my creative juices sapped by that.

And, in all honesty, I've taken a hard, critical look at this fic, and I'm not so confident my writing skills can live up to my ambition. Still, I think I'll give it my best shot.

[Shadowhawke]

And, in all honesty, I've taken a hard, critical look at this fic, and I'm not so confident my writing skills can live up to my ambition. Still, I think I'll give it my best shot.

I think that many people who attempt to bring to life their artistic inspirations suffer from this. But by giving it a shot anyway, they always create something at least. Might not be the spitting image of what you envisioned, but often it's still pretty darn good on its own.

I'm glad that you want to give this your best shot, and I look forwards to seeing what comes out of it.

[Shadowhawke]

Interesting chapter. It's not often that you get to see the secondary characters speak up about their own motivations. It rounds out the story a lot more and gives us more to think about besides just Alexandria. Nicely done. And don't worry about the length - you're right, it did feel like you'd covered everything you needed in this little interlude.

Looking forwards to more.