123 replies to this topic

[Tempest]

Apologies again due to unforeseen delays-my computer went out of commission again about a week ago, and I only got it up and running again yesterday. *Crosses fingers* I *should* have this done by the end of the week. I hope.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Tempest! Sorry it took me so long to respond - I half read your chapter, was summoned away, and only got back to reading it today. But I have to say - inspired work! I love your new take on the de'Arnise Keep, as well as the expanded talk with Nalia's Aunt. And as disturbing as Yoshimo's comments were, they were very in-character for him too.

Back to the detail, though - I thought your use of spells not mentioned in the game was very interesting and good - I take it they're D&D spells from different editions? Anyway, I liked the way they interacted realistically, and I chuckled at your little jibes about the unrealistic nature of buffs and potions. So yes, great work again on this chapter, and I'd like to see the rest of what you have planned out in the Keep.

[Tempest]

I do my best to inject a little humor into each chapter, and Yoshimo's over-the-top-ness and Alexandria's occasionally sarcastic mental observations are generally my favorite methods. The jabs at buffs and potions in particular are something that's honestly bugged me about DnD for a long time-some buffs, I accept being straightforward and effective without needing to adjust to them, but some are not. But oh well-logic be damned, they do work.

The spells I mentioned by name that aren't in BG2 aren't from different editions: they're spells from 3.5E that didn't make it into the game-levitation, spider climb, stone shape, reduce person, searing light, etc. Seeing as how everyone in the party bar Yoshimo is a spellcaster, I like to get a bit creative with the spellcasting.

I'm hoping to return to the chapter-a-week format, but it remains to be seen if I can pull it off.

[Choo Choo]

Nice chapter, Tempest. :3 I look forward to the next one - and I felt so sorry for Nalia at the end!

[Tempest]

:/ Nalia's going to be the centerpoint of the next chapter, if writing it goes as planned.

[Shadowhawke]

Wow, Tempest - great work for updating so quickly! I liked this chapter - the indepth look at Nalia's reaction to her father's death as well as Alexandria's brand of comfort was very well done. I also liked the parallels you've drawn between their situations - I never would have thought of those, but you did it remarkably well. Just one little nitpick - you accidentally slipped into present tense in one part

?You want to designate me the regent of the keep.? Alexandria?s response is not a question.

Aside from that though, I loved the descriptions as well as the metaphor of the fairytales and myths at the end. Great work, and I'm looking forwards to more.

[Tempest]

Gah. Fixed the tense slip.

Thank you for the positive review, but I'm also going to say now that my interpretation of Nalia in Malleus Animorum is not going to be the most familiar of characters. It's not that I really see Nalia in-game as being the way I intend to portray her here, but because my view of what Nalia should be, given her circumstances and history, is very different from her behavior in-game. She was clearly very close to her father, and I don't think she really would have gotten over his death as quickly as she does in-game, for example.

The parallels between Nalia and Charname are also something that's always struck me as odd that has never really been brought up before. They're both brought up in very sheltered lives, with a father figure but no mother. Both of their fathers were in positions of great influence, and both are thrust suddenly into situations they are not truly prepared for with their father's unexpected death, including powerful outside forces with malign interests in them. Whatever their philosophies and outlooks are when they leave home, unwillingly, their outlooks have never really met the real world, and I see Charname as also being very naive about the real world when he/she leaves Candlekeep-Alexandria certainly was, in her fashion. I intend to explore these similarities, but in a rather different fashion than one might think...

Concerning the metaphor of fairy tale and myth about the party, Alexandria, and the rest of the party, are certainly starting to get genre savvy at this point-they're definitely aware that they're in the midst of a fantasy tale and aren't above using that knowledge to try to second-guess things.

As I said before, I'm hoping to get back in the chapter-a-week pacing I had going earlier, and signs are looking good.

[Shadowhawke]

Thank you for the positive review, but I'm also going to say now that my interpretation of Nalia in Malleus Animorum is not going to be the most familiar of characters. It's not that I really see Nalia in-game as being the way I intend to portray her here, but because my view of what Nalia should be, given her circumstances and history, is very different from her behavior in-game. She was clearly very close to her father, and I don't think she really would have gotten over his death as quickly as she does in-game, for example.

That's fine with me. I never liked Nalia enough to take her through the entire game, so I'd be very happy seeing another interpretation of her. Since you've been very realistic in your portrayals so far, I look forwards to what you're planning.

The parallels between Nalia and Charname are also something that's always struck me as odd that has never really been brought up before. They're both brought up in very sheltered lives, with a father figure but no mother. Both of their fathers were in positions of great influence, and both are thrust suddenly into situations they are not truly prepared for with their father's unexpected death, including powerful outside forces with malign interests in them. Whatever their philosophies and outlooks are when they leave home, unwillingly, their outlooks have never really met the real world, and I see Charname as also being very naive about the real world when he/she leaves Candlekeep-Alexandria certainly was, in her fashion. I intend to explore these similarities, but in a rather different fashion than one might think...

Wow, stating it that way, I feel like banging my head against the wall for never noticing these things. Great thoughts, Tempest, and I'm really looking forwards to seeing how you plan to implement these ideas into your story.

As I said before, I'm hoping to get back in the chapter-a-week pacing I had going earlier, and signs are looking good.

Sounds great.

[Tempest]

That's fine with me. I never liked Nalia enough to take her through the entire game, so I'd be very happy seeing another interpretation of her. Since you've been very realistic in your portrayals so far, I look forwards to what you're planning.

Some folks, however, do like Nalia, and I always feel obligated to warn when I'm about to take something in a non-canon direction. For example, there is one nasty surprise waiting for Alexandria later on that the DnD system doesn't even allow for without DM making rules up on the spot...

Wow, stating it that way, I feel like banging my head against the wall for never noticing these things. Great thoughts, Tempest, and I'm really looking forwards to seeing how you plan to implement these ideas into your story.

It's uncertain at present how directly these will be dealt with-my intent with this sub-theme will definitely be obvious at the end of Malleus Animorum, but on the short term and small scale, it may never be brought up so directly. Or maybe it will. Don't know at this time.

Sounds great.

Heads up: Xan fans may enjoy the next chapter, if it keeps going the way my sketches seem to be.

[Tempest]

Romantic developments, if any occur, will happen at the pace and intensity I set. However, there are a couple of things I should point out-first, I can guarantee this story will have no sexual encounters taking place on-screen, as it were. I saw no need to inform the readers in ASE that Jaheira and Khalid were sexually active, because they were husband and wife and felt no need to call attention to that fact. If a sex scene involving Alexandria *does* crop up, it will almost certainly not be described. I am not comfortable writing such material, and as a more pragmatic matter, writing such material would probably get this story banned from SHS.

[Tempest]

Bad news: the next chapter may be delayed due to real life issues.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Tempest!

Sorry for the delay in reviewing - I really liked this chapter, and the practicality in it. Again, you made the game world so real with the concerns and worries that Xan was voicing, and I loved the duality between Xan and Jaheira as Alexandria's advisors. Very powerful. The recapturing of the dream was also done well.

Looking forwards to more.

[Tempest]

Alas, due to real life issues (3 exams this week, yeehaw), the next chapter will likely come out this coming Friday or some such. Apologies to the action junkies as well-Malleus Animorum is definitely feeling slow-paced compared to ASE, but I'm not sure if anything can be done about it. Got three major things left to deal with before the Shadow Thieves sequence starts (including more than one departure from canon in a rather dark fashion...), at which point the pace will likely pick back up again.

[Choo Choo]

Umar Hills, is it? I always liked that quest, and it'll be interesting to see how you handle it.

[Tempest]

As you can probably tell, I'm taking liberties with the setup and design again-no Mazzy, for example.

I would also like to go on record that I greatly dislike Chapter 2 of BG2 from a fanfic author's standpoint: by the nature of the overall goal, it isn't a very structured chain of events, and I feel the flow of this, as compared to ASE and BG1, has suffered for it, at least until Chapter 3 starts. I'll be trying to keep things flowing as smoothly as I can, but can't make much in the way of promises, especially given how abrupt the scene changes are in-game.

I probably will break up the scene changes with more slow-paced chapters further on, but for now, I was honestly a bit tired of straight dialogue-focused chapters.

[Shadowhawke]

Fair enough. As always, your own, more realistic take on BGII is great to read. I like the subtle changes you made; no confrontation with the Roenalls yet, since we've already met them before, as well as Alexandria's reaction to the four day ride. Not to mention how you've changed the Umar Hills approach with the introduction of Tanek and the change in the legend. It's great to see the townspeople (or at least some members) more clued in to what's happening around them, especially the ranger and the druid to their proximity to werewolves.

One tiny nitpick, though; I had the feeling that one or two of your sentences weren't quite flowing right. Like this one: "Alexandria, Moira, and Jaheira all listened politely but hearing much of the Gondar?s oration-" - I think perhaps 'but' could be followed by 'without' or something similar to make the sentence cohesive.

Aside from that, great job again, and I look forwards to any surprises you might have in store for us.

[Tempest]

Fair enough. As always, your own, more realistic take on BGII is great to read. I like the subtle changes you made; no confrontation with the Roenalls yet, since we've already met them before,

I should note that "yet" is the key word here...

as well as Alexandria's reaction to the four day ride. Not to mention how you've changed the Umar Hills approach with the introduction of Tanek and the change in the legend.

Tanek may or may not be a recurring character in Malleus Animorum like Nathaniel Donos was in ASE-I introduced him mostly to lay the foundation for if I do choose to make further use of him, similar to Captain Vaenys in earlier chapters, who definitely will crop up again. The change in the legend was a mostly arbitrary move on my part-I felt the Shade Lord deserved a bit more explanation, ditto what was clearly a powerful temple to Amaunator for the child-prophet to be there. And also to set the stage for something you probably know is inevitable.

It's great to see the townspeople (or at least some members) more clued in to what's happening around them, especially the ranger and the druid to their proximity to werewolves.

Like in ASE when covering Baldur's Gate, I wanted the npc's to behave a bit more realistically here-being well aware of the dangers and working on the problem before the party ever reached the area. Call it a personal quirk, but I hate the idea of the npc's just running around like chickens minus their heads until the PC's show up in various games.

Also, to clear up a possible misunderstanding: Mazzy will not be showing up here. I have plans for her, and they're of a much longer term nature than you're likely to guess.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey again Tempest!

Sorry for taking so long to comment... I liked this new addition as well, can't wait until they get into the thick of things. One thing that really stood out here was the description of the dire wolves and the new take on Anath - I could almost see the vivid imagery you painted of the sudden attack. It's interesting that you called them 'dire wolves', though... I thought they were shade wolves?

But yes, even though your party dispatched of them relatively easily like mine did in the game, you managed to paint them as relatively formidable opponents at the same time, which added a very nice touch of realism. And I also liked the self-awareness the party had about their 'heroics'. Heh.

Can't wait for more. Great work again.

[Tempest]

I could have sworn they were dire wolves in-game, but oh well.

Thanks always for the feedback (and in case there's anyone else out there-I don't mind negative criticism as well), but a heads' up-if you've missed the philosophical discussion that cropped up periodically in ASE, it will return to Malleus Animorum before long.