232 replies to this topic

[Solar's Harper]

Note to Solstice & Solar: BAM! Out in time with 26 minutes to spare at the time of transferring this to the forum!

hehe, you forgot to add:

Ok review time:

Well, it seems as ever loveable Alexandria causing trouble again, and being the strong individualist all the while. That little kiss she gave Ajantis was also perfectly timed, Tempest.

Reactions just as predicted

heh, and I loved the idea to include "genetics" and "museum" into the chapter, I'm suprised Immy didn't chime in to that bit I mentioned above, it would have been so like her to do so, just to make Ajantis blush or something.

I can say a lot more, but your fic chapter has left me without words, Tempest.

Great stuff, look foward to the next one. As always.

Edited by Solar's Harper, 14 September 2007 - 09:43 PM.

[Tempest]

Oh, Imoen's going to have something to say to Alexandria in the next chapter, that's for sure. Given the lack of characterization of BG1 npc's, Xan and Ajantis are being heavily inspired by the BG1 Npc Project, as you may have guessed, but I am taking something of a creative license with Ajantis. Whether he and Alexandria will end up falling in love, however, remains to be seen. Attracted to each other they might be, but I'm not quite as sanguine about whether they could actually form a stable, happy relationship (and Kellen, don't say a word).

But I guarantee you, the next chapter is going to be combat-heavy. I think ASE will always be a more dialogue-and-contemplation heavy version of the Baldur's Gate tale, but there's a time for talk, and a time for mayhem.

[Dark-Mage]

Yay, I have finally caught up *dances*

Anyway, I am really enjoying your story so far Tempest. The characterisations(sp) of both Jaheira, and Ajantis are brilliant and I love how much you are including the political element.

The action scenes are well paced, with good descriptions of Alexandria's mind blade (which is still not mary-sueish in anyway) and the dialouge, especially between Alex and Ajantis feels geuine and good :-)

Keep up tje excellent work.

[Solstice]

But Alex and Ajantis are so cute to imagine together! The maniacally law-abiding noble paladin of Helm and the free-spirited athiestic tiefling soulknife.

Seriously, I think Fault Lines is one of your better chapters. Then again, I'm a sucker for romance. The way Alexandria and Ajantis went from one boiling with anger to a moment of deep introspection to joking to flirting to kissing was just gold.

And there's something I'd like to point out that I've really noticed about your writing-your chapter titles and last lines. They're a minor part of things, really, but you have a way of starting and ending each chapter on an interesting note. It's a nice touch.

Bah to more action, though. I like talking and romance.

[Tempest]

Anyway, I am really enjoying your story so far Tempest. The characterisations(sp) of both Jaheira, and Ajantis are brilliant and I love how much you are including the political element.

I like to think my focus on the bigger picture is one of the things that sets At Soul's Edge apart from other fanfic tales, since very few ever seem to ask what effect the player's actions are having on the greater scheme of things. Alexandria started as just another innocent bystander caught up in events far beyond her understanding, let alone control, but she's slowly establishing herself as a player in the world. You'll see this theme come to the fore in the future, though. As for Jaheira and Ajantis, I think they make wonderful counterweights for Alexandria's fierce devotion to freedom and independence. The interplay between them is very interesting for me to consider as Alexandria evolves, both as a force in the world and as a person.

The action scenes are well paced, with good descriptions of Alexandria's mind blade (which is still not mary-sueish in anyway)

I told you I'd work hard to keep Alexandria and her gift from becoming Mary-Sue-With-A-Mind-Blade. She will learn a few more tricks with it in the future (one of which will show up in the next chapter), but I consider it more a character tool than a weapon. When, say, Alexandria's soul gets stolen, her mind blade will be an eternally present reminder of what has happened.

and the dialouge, especially between Alex and Ajantis feels geuine and good :-)

I really felt awkward writing Ajantis initially, and basically approached him as a milder version of Anomen. He's since come into his own, I feel, though I would never want to try both Ajantis and Anomen in the party. And considering I initially introduced him with the intent of Alexandria killing him in the Nashkel Mines, we'll see just what becomes of this unintentional addition to the tale.

Keep up tje excellent work.

I'll certainly try.

But Alex and Ajantis are so cute to imagine together! The maniacally law-abiding noble paladin of Helm and the free-spirited athiestic tiefling soulknife.

A romance between Alexandria and Ajantis would rate just below Mazzy and Korgan on the WTF-O-Meter, but then again, there were some hints...

Seriously, I think Fault Lines is one of your better chapters. Then again, I'm a sucker for romance. The way Alexandria and Ajantis went from one boiling with anger to a moment of deep introspection to joking to flirting to kissing was just gold.

Once I finally figured out what they were going to talk about after the museum crack, everything fell into place pretty as you please. The progression into flirting felt very natural, and from there things were rather inevitable.

And there's something I'd like to point out that I've really noticed about your writing-your chapter titles and last lines. They're a minor part of things, really, but you have a way of starting and ending each chapter on an interesting note. It's a nice touch.

I'm glad you noticed-titles and last lines are something I spend a fair amount of time on. When writing, I notice that each chapter tends to have its own identity, and that identity never really becomes clear until I've titled the chapter. And once the identity of the chapter is clear, everything tends to flow much better. Some, such as Come Devils, Come Darkness and Undertow, were very easy to title and were hence rather fast to write. Others, not so much. In particular, I consider In the Land of the Blind to be one of the toughest chapters to name, though Last Moves/First Moves and High Tide were very close.

Bah to more action, though. I like talking and romance.

I do, too, but there's a time for talk, and a time to give that mind blade a workout.


I've already got the basic elements of the next chapter in my head, but I may be delayed. As I've stated, I'm doing a new chapter for an older fanfic of mine, and a combination of playing NWN2 again and reading Orthodoxia's excellent Silver Shards has given me a bit of an itch to try a NWN2 tale of my own. All that, on top of trying to get Darian out for alpha testing and general business in real life, makes me wish I was an elf... there never seem to be enough hours in the day...

[Solstice]

I prefer peaceful, dialogue-heavy chapters to action, but chapter 20 was good. It's a relief to see a Charname who does make mistakes in a fight and does get wounded. I also liked how she got nauseasted fighting the spiders-I hate even small spiders, so it's fun to see someone who shares my phobia.

That said, I'm concerned about Mary Sue Syndrome beginning to rear its ugly head again with Alexandria's new trick with her mind blade. But I think I trust you to keep it from getting out of hand.

The fight with the druids felt a little awkward, but I liked your mention of even Imoen being an experienced fighter by the Cloakwood, and the scene with Faldorn dying fit nicely-I assume you're going to immediately pick up on Faldorn's mention of Alaundo? And I take it this means Faldorn won't be coming back to cause problems in BG2?

[Tempest]

I prefer peaceful, dialogue-heavy chapters to action, but chapter 20 was good. It's a relief to see a Charname who does make mistakes in a fight and does get wounded. I also liked how she got nauseasted fighting the spiders-I hate even small spiders, so it's fun to see someone who shares my phobia.

Yes, Alexandria has discovered she really doesn't like spiders, especially of the giant variety. She can and does make stupid mistakes in battle on occasion, and she's far from invulnerable.

That said, I'm concerned about Mary Sue Syndrome beginning to rear its ugly head again with Alexandria's new trick with her mind blade. But I think I trust you to keep it from getting out of hand.

I won't let it get out of hand, I promise.

I assume you're going to immediately pick up on Faldorn's mention of Alaundo?

Yep-Chapter 21 is going to begin soon after Faldorn's death. But remember that simply mentioning Alaundo doesn't mean much-Alexandria and Imoen were raised in Candlekeep, and hence know most of his prophecies forwards and backwards. They're not exactly psychic, though, and won't be connecting the dots between the prophecies and what is happening for a while yet. It's simply another hint that there is something going on that's far deeper that just a war between Baldur's Gate and Amn.

And I take it this means Faldorn won't be coming back to cause problems in BG2?

Yeah, Alexandria won't be hitting the druid grove in BG2. Faldorn's dead.

[Solar's Harper]

Oooh, loved the deviatian of the story Tempest, unless some a** of a druid resurects Faldorn I doubt she'd ever be coming back from the grave... well maybe as an undead but certainly not a druid.

Meh, ok I'll stop acting like I didn't see your previous post now.

Nice to see that the tough decisions that Alex must face with her taint are still taking an active role. And that pun on the default BG2 biography was swell too, the whole taint thing coming in the most vunerable momment and the whole which is a better fate thing, y'know.

I can kinda picture Alexandria wielding two mindblades at once, even though it isn't exactly like wielding two scimitars and the like just yet, styled similar to Drizzit. I think you did an excellent job with the Shadow Druid conflict... just goes to show that even the normal druids still can hold some love for their more militant and tyrant like brethern.

I do have a nitpick about how Faldorn was kinda outside her usual character depiction, less wild than expected. Nonetheless I liked your depiction better anyways , really knocked some much needed sense back into her role. And the whole bit with Jaheria at the end was truly a beautiful, if sad setting to finish that chapter on.

Meh, and lastly I can't think that anyone would like those giant spiders, not only are they mutants of normal spiders, but they're ugly, big and very freaking hard to kill if armored like that Sword Spider Alex almost died at the... tentacles of.

Still nice to see she's finding out more about her own fears and so on. There's definetly something brewing between her and Ajantis... but then again I keep seeing the whole Anomen and cheerful chipmunk <Charname> situation all over again... it just ain't gonna end well.

Meh anyways, look foward to the next one Tempest.


Edit: Switched PC with Charname.

I also liked how she got nauseasted fighting the spiders-I hate even small spiders, so it's fun to see someone who shares my phobia.

I know what you mean... Of all the creatures I can deal with, snakes and spiders certainly are not part of them.

Edited by Solar's Harper, 25 September 2007 - 08:07 PM.

[Tempest]

If you like Shadow Druid stuff, go read Cold Fire. The protagonist for that story becomes a shadow druid.

Oooh, loved the deviatian of the story Tempest, unless some a** of a druid resurects Faldorn I doubt she'd ever be coming back from the grave... well maybe as an undead but certainly not a druid.

It's highly unlikely she'll be coming back. Won't say for certain that she won't, since I have no clue what I may think of down the road, but there's a hammer and box of nails sitting next to her coffin.

Nice to see that the tough decisions that Alex must face with her taint are still taking an active role. And that pun on the default BG2 biography was swell too, the whole taint thing coming in the most vunerable momment and the whole which is a better fate thing, y'know.

Alexandria prefers to have an enemy out in the open where she can fight it. It's what she can't see coming that scares her-she's already been possessed by the void once, and has no desire to have it happen again.

I can kinda picture Alexandria wielding two mindblades at once, even though it isn't exactly like wielding two scimitars and the like just yet, styled similar to Drizzit.

Under other circumstances, I'd be offended by you comparing Alexandria to Gary Stu... erm, Drizzt. Alexandria will stick to using the mind blade in its scimitar configuration under normal circumstances-she's not very good at fighting with two weapons at once, and prefers to fight with what she's familiar with.

I think you did an excellent job with the Shadow Druid conflict... just goes to show that even the normal druids still can hold some love for their more militant and tyrant like brethern.

Actually, the Baldur's Gate series does a terrible job of showing who the Shadow Circle is. It's an extremely secretive organization, and only the absolute leader of the Shadow Circle in a given region knows who any of his subordinates actually are-they operate in extreme secrecy, and are very careful about leaving no witnesses. Were Baldur's Gate Shadow Druids like they are in PnP, Jaheira could in fact be a shadow druid and you would never be the wiser...

I do have a nitpick about how Faldorn was kinda outside her usual character depiction, less wild than expected. Nonetheless I liked your depiction better anyways , really knocked some much needed sense back into her role.

Neutral evil =/= neutral stupid. Faldorn's clearly an important figure in the Shadow Circle of her area-that is not a position you attain and keep by being stupid, impetuous, or foolish.

And the whole bit with Jaheria at the end was truly a beautiful, if sad setting to finish that chapter on.

Thank you-that was one of my favorite little scenes I've written in At Soul's Edge thus far.

Meh, and lastly I can't think that anyone would like those giant spiders, not only are they mutants of normal spiders, but they're ugly, big and very freaking hard to kill if armored like that Sword Spider Alex almost died at the... tentacles of.

The description of the Sword Spider was actually based off of Volo's account of one in the Baldur's Gate 1 manual. They're not bad in-game, but I decided to go a little further than normal with one.

Still nice to see she's finding out more about her own fears and so on.

Then you're going to love the next chapter...

There's definetly something brewing between her and Ajantis... but then again I keep seeing the whole Anomen and cheerful chipmunk <Charname> situation all over again... it just ain't gonna end well.

Stranger matches have happened, but we'll see what we'll see...


As always, thanks for the feedback.

[Shadowhawke]

Another good chapter under your belt, Tempest. . For some strange reason, I think this has actually been my favourite chapter so far; the writing was exquisite, balancing both the emotional and action sides of it well. The little bits you added about each character; Jaheira closing Faldorn's eyes, Khalid's grace, Imoen throwing dirt, Alex and Ajantis' interaction... they all contributed really nicely. Similarly, the appearance of Faldorn and the mention of Galvarey was very well done.

Probably only one thing in the chapter seemed a little forced to me, that of Alexandria bringing on the ambush. Still, it was fairly minor. And the rest of the chapter certainly made up for it, and more .

[Tempest]

Thanks, Shadow.

And for those who have been reading the blacked-out stuff, I've made a major change of plans for Alexandria's future. Most of what I've said before in spoiler backout can now be disregarded. Sorry for the bait-and-switch, but those plans were always tentative.

[Tempest]

Okay, a quick head's up: I've got chapter 21 written, but it's a bit different in format. It's basically wrapping up the Cloakwood, but is split into two parts, which deal with two very different but important events. In the event my effort to bridge them smoothly doesn't work, I'm apologizing in advance if it seems a little jarring-it's more along the lines of two sub-chapters thrown together. And for Xan fans, you only have to wait one more chapter before you get your turn again-Xan's scheduled to take the spotlight in chapter 22, assuming nothing changes.

[Solar's Harper]

Dark, devious, nasty... I like it.

Not exactly sure how that whole floating in water business works, and even less sure on how to picture things after Alexandria breaks out of trance (lost a bit of the current looks to the characters, particularly her), but nonetheless the description of things deserves

And thank The Dead Three that I'm not a Xan fanatic.

Oh and nice work on making Bhaal's essence appear as a jackass
Really nice.

Good work Tempest, as always.
Always looking foward to more.

Edit: Oh, and that proclaimation was a good way to end the chapter.

Edited by Solar's Harper, 29 September 2007 - 07:28 PM.

[Tempest]

Dark, devious, nasty...

It was what I set out to make it, then.

Not exactly sure how that whole floating in water business works, and even less sure on how to picture things after Alexandria breaks out of trance (lost a bit of the current looks to the characters, particularly her), but nonetheless the description of things deserves

Yes, it was hard to describe. I wanted to picture Alexandria basically meditating in the water-letting herself float and let go of herself.

And thank The Dead Three that I'm not a Xan fanatic.

There are plenty of them around, though. I generally have trouble writing more than three of four characters consistently and well-you've probably noticed that Alexandria, Jaheira, and Ajantis are really the stars of ASE, though I make sure to get Imoen in as much as I can. Xan and Khalid, I just don't find very interesting to write or write about, especially Khalid. However, he will get a moment in the spotlight in the next chapter, which I had originally folded into Crush Depth, but ended up separating after I realized how much I was doing with the bathing/meditation scene. Khalid is both difficult for me to write, and really dull to write as well. This actually saddens me as a writer-I like Khalid, was sad to see him die in BG2, and know he has a tremendous amount of potential, but in ASE he's easily the character I ignore the most. I don't like it, it makes me sad, and I'll probably continue to ignore him.

And I must say that out of the entire party, Jaheira is my number-one favorite character to write.

Oh and nice work on making Bhaal's essence appear as a jackass
Really nice.

I actually originally wrote Bhaal's essence as self-aware; I had planned for Bhaal's voice to taunt and mock Alexandria before drawing her into the visions. In the end, I decided to make things a little more subtle-the essence was showing Alexandria some of Bhaal's memories, including some from when Bhaal was a mortal man. And now Alexandria knows something of the future-she knows something unspeakable is going to happen to Imoen and Khalid, and the rest of them won't be much better off. She's expected bad things to happen to them, but now she knows it will happen. This will have some interesting effects on how Alexandria sees the world, which you'll start to see in the next chapter or two.

Edit: Oh, and that proclaimation was a good way to end the chapter.

Personally struck me as corny as hell, but there's no accounting for taste.

[Solstice]

Interesting as the visions and stuff were, I loved the relationship between Alexandria and Jaheira. It was great to finally see a protagonist somewhat insecure about their appearance compared to one of their companions, and I really like how they've started to bond, in their fashion, after being so prickly and argumentative at first. I also like how you've been insinuating in the last couple of chapters that Alexandria isn't the only child of Bhaal-the little references to Imoen are a welcome sight. Alexandria's meditations on her soul were interesting, and the ocean analogy worked great.

I never liked Khalid much, so I don't mind you ignoring him. But I do love Xan, so that balances out. Jaheira always has been one of the most compelling characters in the Baldur's Gate series, I feel, so I can't blame you for featuring her heavily. And Ajantis rounds it all out nicely as the love interest, though he's much more than that.

[Tempest]

Thank you as always. The Jaheira-Alexandria relationship is the most interesting relationship in the entire party, as a writer. They are in many ways kindred spirits-they are headstrong, prone to action, utterly determined to do what is right, and gods help anyone who stands in their way. They may have started off on the wrong foot, but there is a definite bond between them now, a bond which will be sorely tested come SoA.

[Tempest]

Apologies for the delays in getting the next chapter out: I've been busy trying to hammer out the last problems with Darian, and I have midterm week coming up, but the next chapter should be out sometime in the next few days.

Also, I have a confession to make: Crush Depth was a chapter inspired by one source in particular, but it's a source I fear may get me lynched here: a music theme from Halo 3 that tends to play right before things start blowing up (for those who have played it, I'm referring to the theme that starts with those five piano chords-it plays during the big airstrike before the first Flood level, among other places). Really, music has played a crucial role in writing At Soul's Edge, and Crush Depth was far from the only chapter in which music played a big role in writing. For example, When the Wind Blows (Chapter IV), was heavily inspired by the music theme from Crimson Tide (at least I think that was the name... it was about a mutiny on a US nuclear missile sub), and I was humming the Age of Wonders theme while writing Come Devils, Come Darkness.

Edited by Tempest, 06 October 2007 - 11:30 AM.

[Solstice]

Halo 3? BURN THE HERETIC!!!

I'm eager to hear more tales of Alexandria whenever you have time-you're more reliable about new chapters than some folks whose tales I would like to hear more of *coughcoughilmatarcoughcough*. Midterms > Darian > ASE.

[Solar's Harper]

Exams, oh boy there is never enough for anybody is there? Got some coming up for myself too in the next few weeks... so, in advance, good luck with yours Tempest.

Edit:
Neg on that: Best of Luck!

And if that doesn't happen, well lets just say fortune cookies will never be safe from this day foward.

Edited by Solar's Harper, 06 October 2007 - 05:25 PM.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey Tempest. I really enjoyed this chapter, I think because the way you intertwined the visions into each other. I also don't mind at all your focus on Jaheira, since I absolutely love her character .

Good luck with everything.