Hi everybody, it's me. I hope everybody's enjoying the new stay here so far. SC, Liam, and everybody at SHS has been so gracious to us, lets try to take some time to thank them for the new haven.
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2. The second issue is perhaps a little bit tougher to deal with, but I'd like to get it out in the open right now so there's no doubts. Unfortunately, we've discussed this over and over and I think some people will never accept it, and so we'll always be battling the stigma but I'm giving it another try. There is no "inside" and "outside" group. I really hadn't even heard the term until a few weeks ago when Mirrors messaged me about it. We (and I mean every last person that has ever posted in the thread) are a group of friends. For some reason, people feel alienated and excluded from us. I don't really understand why they feel that way, but it's more than one person, and I would like to squash this right now because we want to promote SHS as a place where anyone and everyone should feel welcome. The last thing I want to do is scare off new people from participating or joining in because they feel there's an "in crowd"
I'm sure all of us at some point in our lives have felt alienated, left out, singled-out. We know how much that feeling sucks. The last thing I want to do is make someone else feel like that. I know some of you like Kalia, and Shadow', and GF1 (oh how we miss your presence GF) have tried to take time out of their day to make sure and comment on everybody's pictures. That's extra-special coming from Kalia, bless her heart, I feel honored, and grateful she uses the energy she's allotted on us That says a lot. I also understand that people like Floydian, and Spike, and JazzJR aren't very good with words, as are a lot of us.
I think a good example of what can come from just mustering up the courage to open your mouth and participate is Popcorn. He wanted to post, we welcomed him. He had questions and problems with importing faces, we tried to accommodate him. Now he's taking great shots, and joining in on the rest of the discussion like we all love to do.
So the question here is, what can we as a group do to obliterate this notion that there's an "inside" click? Of course there is only so much we can do, 99% of it is just people speaking up and participating. Like my dad always used to say, closed mouthes don't get fed. Regardless, I'm hoping we can come up with some sort of gameplan here to include everybody in the fun. Lets discuss this, and get it out of the way so we can move on with our postings.
Thanks for reading.
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Hi everyone! I have been exploring around a bit. Thanks for all the kind words and PMs!
I saw your post here SeV and it prompted me to get registered tonight and connect here with all of you. Been a bit rough of late over at TES having been away and then returning to see the Pics thread in the state it's in. But it is a good reminder that it is not so much the house but the family that lives in it that counts. Plus, this looks like a very very fine house - a beautiful site here!
I took a while to get here mainly because I am so rl busy, and partly because my Oblivion is dead, and partly because I didn't know where to even post, since I have no new screenies. But seeing your post here, SeV, made it easy. In fact, I wrote a kind of "see you later" on the TES Picture thread earlier today and tried to address the insider/outsider syndrome that was being brought up there in a negative manner once again. I have long been aware of the politics of people living/working/playing together and wanting to relate and cooperate, but also the great difficulties this can cause. People have been presuming insiders/outsiders probably as long as there have been more than one being!
It is great you are actively looking to undermine any obvious ways the insider/outsider syndrome can creep into our gathering. But try as we may, if someone really "wants" to feel betrayed and left out, they will find a reason. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "how no one comments on new poster's shots, but only on the insiders (regulars)". To be honest, I almost never commented on Floydian1's and almost always commented on new people's posts - to not only welcome the new people, but also to undermine this insider/outsider mentality that some people just have to assume. (Plus Floydian1 already knows I love his shots.)
But even today on TES, I felt obliged to address that same criticism about leaving new people out. For some people, e.g., Mirrors, I have repeatedly PM'd him to post screenies and to join the party, and he confessed he felt left out, but he never took me up on any offer to participate. For him to do so would not allow him to feel excluded any longer. So yes, do what we can, but still know people will feel betrayed.
A funny aside about this betrayal/exclusion mechanism in all of us: My daughter, when she was 5 years old, came home from school very sad. My wife at the time and I asked her what was wrong, and she finally confessed that she felt really bad because all of her classmates had TWO homes to go home to - one with mommy and the other with daddy! (California divorce rates are very high.) Here my wife and I are proudly thinking we were giving her a very happy family/home - and she hits us with this! I saw very clearly that this mechanism of betrayal/feeling excluded may have little to do with actual reality!
gf1 (greatfool1's "mini-me"): "Hey wait a minute! I feel left out - I go away for a week, and I get back and most of my friends are gone! They left me Layla!"
Layla (my pc): Good for them! But why didn't they come for me????
J/k... That is my mini-me "dramatizing" the exclusion game. Many of you left me a forwarding address! So thanks for that. Though it did sadden me to leave that thread. And now to see some of the types there currently trashing it - I do feel bad for all the lurkers there. Thanks Spike and Floydian1 for countering some of the BS there today. I am surprised the mods are just letting certain people bash away. I guess I am still connected to it in some way - a whole lot of time spent there. Lots of great fun. But hey, a whole new place here! So thank you hosts and hostesses for this!
But I think what saddens me the most is that I won't be able to participate too much here for a while, as I have said before - too many rl matters to handle. But I still wanted to check in and say hello and I really enjoy seeing your screenies - damn! 5 threads already! And also all the regulars here. Hey wait, we are the outsiders here now! Yay!!!!!! Finally, we can prove we are not insiders! Sorry....
Back to regarding your topic, SeV, mainly I want to say if people take the time to comment, and particularly welcome new posters, the thread will grow and at least this insider/outsider syndrome can be shown to be just a presumption made at an individual level - and not necessarily at a group level. And it really is a presumption - who are the insiders? Who are the outsiders? You describe it well in your post, SeV.
Another reminder, we went from 140 unique posters at Thread #50 to about 420 unique posters by Thread #100 - and I think this is due to both the excellence of everyone's posts and also the relational nature of the threads, via comments, etc.
Btw, where is Cosmic-Banana? I haven't seen anything from him. Also, he did that great avatar wall in case we need to look for other MIAs.
Anyway, forgive my ramblings... I am fried.
Oh yeah, I read all the prior posts here, and I like the idea of separate Pics and Comments threads like we did at Thread #100. I also think it worked well to allow comments about other people's pictures (without quoting the whole img pic) within one's own post on the Picture thread. Otherwise, comments alone would go to the Comments thread.
Also, how are the dialup users faring with the img tags? I wonder if we should post dialup size links and IMG tags if we do the latter? Many of you know I always post both a broadband link (1 MB screenie) and a dialup link (100K screenie), and about 35% of my hits were to the dialup link. I saw someone say it was slow downloading too many 500K img pics. Just wondering.
Glad to make contact here! Sorry about the lengthy post and any venting. Thanks for listening!