166 replies to this topic

[DalreïDal]

Hi!

What do you mean, that the interaction had restrictions? In game, or in my text?

In game, feels more artifical in the game with the dialog setup and all, like I said you presented it in a more involving (character wise) and realistic (situation wise).

Ah! Thanks for the clarification... and for the compliment, too!!!

Hey DalreiDal! Apologies for taking so long to review again. I really liked the last chapter... the great depth to the fight scene regarding Valen's blood contrasted nicely with the philosophical aspects later, and your descriptions of the emotions overall were beautiful. Awesome work.

No worries, Shadowhawke. Oooh, philosophical aspects. Didn't know I had any grasp on any of those. lol. Thanks a lot for the kind words

[Shadowhawke]

They're not blindingly obvious (the philosophical elements), I think, but they come out subtly and well . And I loved your description of Aribeth and the Sleeping Man in this chapter, DalreiDal. It was very sweet, and Aribeth's reaction was almost heartbreaking. Very nice indeed .

[DalreïDal]

Hi Shadowhawke

Poor Aribeth, she is heartbroken and heartbreaking, isn't she... or at least I try to make her be, unlike some lousy game developers who let her down terribly... *grumble, grumble* *ahem* Poor thing, anyway I thought she'd deserve some happiness now, if she can accept it after all she's been through.

And thanks for reviewing again

[Shadowhawke]

*Cheers!* Good to have you come back to us, DalreiDal . Although by the sounds of it, Mass Effect was a trusty companion. Still, I must admit that it's good to see another of your chapters up, even though you left us with a rather nasty cliffhanger. I'm sure you'll make up for it, though. Good chapter as always, although I felt the ending was a little rushed with Aribeth and Valen's reactions to Mephistopheles. Then again, from what I've seen of Bioware, that's the extent of the pre-battle stuff, and it was very small compared to your great descriptions! Your working of Somnus was very good too... despite never having played HotU, your writing has given Somnus a clearly defined character in the space of a few chapters, so awesome work!

Can't wait to have your little cliffhanger resolved.

[Solar's Harper]

Hmm, I find it surprising Mephistopheles didn't spare even a word directly for Somnus, though definetely good work on the whole, I gotta agree with Shadowhawke about the way how Aribeth's decision to not join him was carried out... but given the way it is done in-game, suppose it can't be helped.

Although they still have that trump card...
Oops! Devil-boy was listening.

Very much looking foward to the climax to this fantastic story DalreïDal.

[DalreïDal]

Back after another spell of frantic Mass Effect. I'm nearing the finish on insane difficulty. God it feels good to kick ass. Yeah, bring it on, more rockets straight at my face! My shields are going to love it! *ahem*

*Cheers!* Good to have you come back to us, DalreiDal . Although by the sounds of it, Mass Effect was a trusty companion. Still, I must admit that it's good to see another of your chapters up, even though you left us with a rather nasty cliffhanger. I'm sure you'll make up for it, though. Good chapter as always, although I felt the ending was a little rushed with Aribeth and Valen's reactions to Mephistopheles. Then again, from what I've seen of Bioware, that's the extent of the pre-battle stuff, and it was very small compared to your great descriptions! Your working of Somnus was very good too... despite never having played HotU, your writing has given Somnus a clearly defined character in the space of a few chapters, so awesome work!

Can't wait to have your little cliffhanger resolved.

I promise to be a good girl and get some work done on fan fiction soon. Hm, yeah, maybe a little rushed, but yeah, that's Bioware. Besides, Mephistopheles is a little impatient to ge the battle on, so that might explain it, too. But as always, thanks a lot for the review

Hmm, I find it surprising Mephistopheles didn't spare even a word directly for Somnus, though definetely good work on the whole, I gotta agree with Shadowhawke about the way how Aribeth's decision to not join him was carried out... but given the way it is done in-game, suppose it can't be helped.

So true. I went back to the text and corrected that, now. There's a new paragraph where Mephistopheles attempts to turn Somnus. I'll let you speculate about a celestial's response Thanks for the constructive criticism. Much appreciated.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey DalreiDal! Sorry for the delay, I just caught up on your latest chapter. Nice work with the aftermath, I loved the way you described the epic-ness of it. Although I was surprised Chama didn't use the name earlier... and saved them the battle. Still, I assume that was also based on canon?

Anyway, I did really enjoy it, and I liked the little bit with Valen as well. The added part of Mephistopheles trying to turn Somnus was a welcome addition too.

[DalreïDal]

Hi Shadowhawke,

My first foray into serious metaphors (describing the "epicness" of the final battle) and someone likes it. Phew!

As for using the name of Mephistopheles only tardily, that is canon, yes. In the game, there are multiple possible outcomes to the battle; you can choose to use the name right at the start, or when he surrenders, and you can order him to die, battle you, or return to Cania. Chama's actions are one of the many choices available to her. She already explained that she wanted to weaken Mephistopheles before returning him to his stronghold, and there will be a bit more explanation of her motives in the next chapter.

As always, thank you so very much for taking the time to review!

[Shadowhawke]

Awww... that was such a sweet chapter. I love the way you had Chama and Valen move shyly from seriousness to lightness and then back again. It gave the chapter a very nice balance. And while this piece felt like it had a little less description than some of your other chapters, I really, really enjoyed the overall feel of it. Can't wait to see what happens next with them!

[DalreïDal]

Hello Shadowhawke,

(sorry for not replying sooner) Thanks for reviewing! Eheh, I like that little "fond smiley" you put in at the start Well, I think Valen and Chama were due for a bit of fluff after all those chapters of hardships! And some more should be coming too I should update my stories a little more often in the weeks to come...

Thanks for your continued attention to my stories despite their long-non-updated status I'll swear I'll finish them one day!

[Shadowhawke]

Hey again, DalreiDal . Don't worry, I believe that you'll finish these one day. I have full faith in you.

But on a more recent note, that was a great new chapter ! I loved the sweetness again, and the tenderness with which you wrote their awakening. It was also very amusing watching Valen's reaction to their unexpected visitor, and the scene which followed was very touching. Now I'm looking forwards to what Valen makes of it all! Great work again, my friend.

[Solar's Harper]

Well if Valen listens to the first instinct, I can bet it won't be all apple pies for breakfast after Mr To-Be-In-Law-Someday is done with him.
Very crafty work as always DalreïDal. And considering I'm playing catch-up here, I'll have you know that my cheekbone really can't stop hurting after all the laughter some of those scenes have given. You've really outdone yourself with the last few chapters.

Cheers!

[DalreïDal]

Hi you two!

Hey again, DalreiDal . Don't worry, I believe that you'll finish these one day. I have full faith in you.

But on a more recent note, that was a great new chapter ! I loved the sweetness again, and the tenderness with which you wrote their awakening. It was also very amusing watching Valen's reaction to their unexpected visitor, and the scene which followed was very touching. Now I'm looking forwards to what Valen makes of it all! Great work again, my friend.

Thanks for the review Ah, so you laughed at Halikouelle being intimidated, or at Valen being interrupted? But eh, wait until you get to know Halikouelle better before you see if there's gonna be any sweetness involving his daughter while he's around *snicker*

Well if Valen listens to the first instinct, I can bet it won't be all apple pies for breakfast after Mr To-Be-In-Law-Someday is done with him.
Very crafty work as always DalreïDal. And considering I'm playing catch-up here, I'll have you know that my cheekbone really can't stop hurting after all the laughter some of those scenes have given. You've really outdone yourself with the last few chapters.

Cheers!

Hey Solar's Harper! Nice to hear from you again and thanks for the review! Sorry 'bout the hurting cheekbones. lol I think your instincts about Mr To-Be-In-Law-Someday are pretty much right I'm very glad I've given you an enjoyable catching up and thanks a lot for letting me know!

[Shadowhawke]

Ooh! Welcome back, DalreiDal! As always, it was with much pleasure and excitement that I realised that you had updated. Although, leaving it the way you did... that was evil.

Now, to the content of the chapter itself; I liked the way you wrote the fight scene, and the part between Chama, Valen and the bandit was very powerful. I'm hoping/guessing that might have an effect on Chama's father's opinion of them. I was also a bit sad how Aribeth and Somnus left so suddenly - I do hope we'll hear back from them?

But whatever and however you decide to finish this up - awesome work. As always, each chapter draws me further into your wonderful story, no matter the distance between them.

[DalreïDal]

Hi Shadowhawke!

Ooh! Welcome back, DalreiDal! As always, it was with much pleasure and excitement that I realised that you had updated. Although, leaving it the way you did... that was evil.

Hm, really? I didn't think that was so bad Of course, if you were waiting on the steamy sex scene, then yeah... maybe there was some evil meddling involved. Blame Halikouelle. I had absolutely nothing to do with it. No ma'am.

Now, to the content of the chapter itself; I liked the way you wrote the fight scene, and the part between Chama, Valen and the bandit was very powerful. I'm hoping/guessing that might have an effect on Chama's father's opinion of them. I was also a bit sad how Aribeth and Somnus left so suddenly - I do hope we'll hear back from them?

Hm, I admit to a possible loose end with Aribeth and Somnus. Promise I'll do sth about it. Also, thanks for your compliments on my fighting scene - phew, I pulled it off!

But whatever and however you decide to finish this up - awesome work. As always, each chapter draws me further into your wonderful story, no matter the distance between them.

The question would be "whenever" Thank you for hanging on. I promise to try and post more regularly until March.

A big warm for your much appreciated review!

[Shadowhawke]

Whoah. That was powerful. Chama's showdown with her father was just waiting to happen, I agree, and the sense of calm and tenderness that you had after the battle fit perfectly well after the craziness of the fight. I especially like how you just showed the strained tension in just a few sentences. Great work.

Just one tiny nitpick, though. There's a part where you say "He took a few seconds to strike their coats". I think you meant 'stroke', yeah?

But yes. Awesome work, and I can't wait to hear what Halikouelle overhears!

[DalreïDal]

Whoah. That was powerful. Chama's showdown with her father was just waiting to happen, I agree, and the sense of calm and tenderness that you had after the battle fit perfectly well after the craziness of the fight. I especially like how you just showed the strained tension in just a few sentences. Great work.

Just one tiny nitpick, though. There's a part where you say "He took a few seconds to strike their coats". I think you meant 'stroke', yeah?

But yes. Awesome work, and I can't wait to hear what Halikouelle overhears!

Hello!

Well, since the bump in the road the size of the island of Brynnlaw is finally out of the way, so I should be getting started on Out of the Dark and the Mist again soon. Thanks for complimenting on tension Also, absolutely right on "strike" and "stroke". Apparently I can't wrap my mind about those. "strike" becomes "stroke" in the past, and then there's "stricken", and "stroke" and "stroked"... I always get all confused. I'll go get it right right away Thanks for pointing it out!

[Shadowhawke]

Hey DalreiDal!

Welcome back! It's great to see you again - sounds like you've been very busy. Good to hear that things aren't quite so hectic now.

As for the chapter... After being completely inspired by Mistress Elysia, I actually went and played through NWN, and then SoU and HotU. Looking back over your work with fresh eyes, I really appreciate it so much more. You've woven a wonderful story here, my friend, and a very real and palpable romance that makes my toes tingle. Watching Chama's father's reaction to their talk was very satisfying, and I could feel how human his character was. Nicely done! And Valen's part at the end - the absolute cherry on top.

So yes, thanks so much for continuing to share your work! I'm looking forwards to reading more.

[DalreïDal]

Hey Shadowhawke!

I swear, you're my most dedicated and faithful reader and reviewer. Thank you so much for sticking with the story despite the repeated delays.

Yeah, life's been hectic, but in a good way! I'd been stuck in Québec city for so long that it was very very good to leave again. I'm a traveller, you see, I tend to get restless after a couple of years in the same place. Although, now that I've been suffering from scorching heat, rash and swelling from usually benign insect bites, and plant allergies - me who NEVER, EVER had any of those reactions to my usual fauna and flora - I kinda want to get back home. But still, I wouldn't trade my time here for a return to Québec. I love it here. Just a little homesick.

It's funny to think you've read my story before you played the game... I could never much read fanfiction before I finished a game. Although I'm happy to know I've made a story that stands on its own, even without the original game.

Thanks for your steadfast support and appreciation!