91 replies to this topic

[Psycho Data]

Hey!

First off, I have to commend you on your characterization of Jaheira. In my opinion, you nailed her personality down quite well. Secondly, Nika is full of character, especially for a person written from scratch (I don't know why, but I love that you gave her a southern accent). You're doing a great job, and I certainly hope you write more.

[Shadowhawke]

Hey!

First off, I have to commend you on your characterization of Jaheira. In my opinion, you nailed her personality down quite well. Secondly, Nika is full of character, especially for a person written from scratch (I don't know why, but I love that you gave her a southern accent). You're doing a great job, and I certainly hope you write more.

Thanks Noctalys. I'm going to have to paraphrase DalreiDal and say reviews are awesome. . I'm glad you like my characterisation of Jaheira... I wasn't sure if I'd gotten her across well. Also glad you like Nika's southern accent. . I was debating whether to put that in, but in the end it just was too much fun.

Thank you for reviewing again. I'm hoping to post the second chapter soon!

[DalreïDal]

I hope we'll get to know the "stranger" in next chapter (and that the poor pickpocket wasn't actually Nika). I like your Jaheira too. Aerie's characterization was pretty good too in my opinion. I admit (a bit shamefully) that I'm just too lazy to read Starlight... when I went to Guate and came back 4 months later, I didn't have the courage to just read everything that had been posted in the meanwhile... even if I do like your writing style. So I welcome the chance to read something of yours I hope we'll get to know Nika & co better soon

[Balathustrius]

Well, all I can say is "Wow." The prologue is phenomenal. I loved your description of the Copper Coronet. The part about it being impossible to quiet the whole place down was a brilliant touch. But I liked the whole chapter.

Though I would never have guessed they have bathrooms at the Copper Coronet. To me, the word "bathroom" conjures up an image of a clean, porcelain lavatory replete with the tasteful furnishings of the 21st Century. I would've thought Lehntinan would let his patrons wash their hands in, say, a horse-trough in the alley, or something. But I suppose they would need to... erm... relieve themselves, too.

I loved your characterizations of Jaheira and Aerie. They were both spot-on, and you wrote their dialogue beautifully. I'm taking notes.



Nika is good, too. I like the accent touch, especially, and she has a great bard personality.

You really are a terrific writer - great style, great characterizations, great story. Looking foward to further chapters!

[Alandrea]

I have to say that I like your Aerie and Jaheira, you?ve written them quite well.

Nika seems interesting and I can?t wait to read more about her. I also look forward to learning more about the stranger in the Coronet (The atmosphere of which you made come alive).

[Shadowhawke]

I hope we'll get to know the "stranger" in next chapter (and that the poor pickpocket wasn't actually Nika). I like your Jaheira too. Aerie's characterization was pretty good too in my opinion. I admit (a bit shamefully) that I'm just too lazy to read Starlight... when I went to Guate and came back 4 months later, I didn't have the courage to just read everything that had been posted in the meanwhile... even if I do like your writing style. So I welcome the chance to read something of yours I hope we'll get to know Nika & co better soon

The pickpocket was actually just another thief I conjured up from nowhere. . . And I don't blame you for not wanting to read Starlight... I guess it is a bit hefty . This one might turn out to be rather long, though, but I hope I'll manage to go through it slowly/quickly enough so that everyone doesn't get bored or overwhelmed. . The next chapter also focuses a lot on the 'stranger', so I hope you enjoy.

Well, all I can say is "Wow." The prologue is phenomenal. I loved your description of the Copper Coronet. The part about it being impossible to quiet the whole place down was a brilliant touch. But I liked the whole chapter.

I'm glad you liked the prologue, Balathustrious. . I actually had quite a fun time writing it. In truth, this passage was actually originally meant to appear in Starlight, but then my imagination ran away with me and I knew I had to give it its own fic.

Though I would never have guessed they have bathrooms at the Copper Coronet. To me, the word "bathroom" conjures up an image of a clean, porcelain lavatory replete with the tasteful furnishings of the 21st Century. I would've thought Lehntinan would let his patrons wash their hands in, say, a horse-trough in the alley, or something. But I suppose they would need to... erm... relieve themselves, too.

Ah, I see what you mean. Maybe I should have called it something else instead of a bathroom. Any suggestions? The idea I had in mind was more of a darklit hole with a place to relieve yourself and a bucket or somesuch in which to wash your hands... not the one with the 21st Centruy trappings

I loved your characterizations of Jaheira and Aerie. They were both spot-on, and you wrote their dialogue beautifully. I'm taking notes.

Nika is good, too. I like the accent touch, especially, and she has a great bard personality.

You really are a terrific writer - great style, great characterizations, great story. Looking foward to further chapters!

Thankyou. . I must admit, I've always been worried about my characterisations of characters. Jaheira I've always found particularly hard to write, but I'm glad you like them. . Nika's also a fairly recent creation for me, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to flesh her out.

I have to say that I like your Aerie and Jaheira, you?ve written them quite well.

Nika seems interesting and I can?t wait to read more about her. I also look forward to learning more about the stranger in the Coronet (The atmosphere of which you made come alive).

Thanks for the feedback, Alandrea. I'm glad that you all seem to like Aerie and Jaheira. . I hope that stands for the rest of the story, I have a habit of slipping up with the characterisations.

Thank you all for your wonderful reviews. . I have a horrible track record with the time in between my posts, but the next chapter will be up today, thanks to your encouragement. . I hope you enjoy it, and please tell me if there's anything you think I can improve.

[Kaeloree]

I have one thing to say to you, sweetie, and that is:

<3.



That is all.

[Ismail]

<3.

Quoted for truth. I quite less than three this fic as well. Most of what needs to be said is already said, though, so I'll just parrot that your <CHARNAME> is quite likable...

(though I still hope for the day that I run across a good, long fic that features neither Jan nor Minsc)

[Shadowhawke]

I have one thing to say to you, sweetie, and that is:

<3.



That is all.

Heh. Thanks Kae . I <3 you too. .

(On a side note... I never actually realised what that meant until a friend rolled his eyes and told me to look sideways. And I looked the wrong way the first time )

<3.

Quoted for truth. I quite less than three this fic as well. Most of what needs to be said is already said, though, so I'll just parrot that your <CHARNAME> is quite likable...

(though I still hope for the day that I run across a good, long fic that features neither Jan nor Minsc)

Thanks Ismail . I'm glad, and actually kinda surprised you guys seem to like Nika already. . I, for some reason, thought that she'd rather irritate people until I got further on into the story.

As to a good, long fic that features neither Jan nor Minsc, there are actually quite a few kicking around. . Check out the library, I believe Rush of Blood to the Head and most of Onyx's work don't feature either.

[Delight]

I like your story and protagonist .

[Shadowhawke]

I like your story and protagonist .

Thanks, Delight. . If you guys find the things that need improving, though, feel free to tell me. . A gal only wants to get better.

[Ismail]

Nice chapter again

Noticed only a couple of typos (or words that I do not know), but otherwise, all good :-)

[WeeRLegion]

It's good.
The first few chapters didn't quite manage to catch my attention, but this one's better.
And i only noticed two points which i took as mistakes.
Aerie wanting to get out of "her" being one of the typoish kind and the other was how any guards they met would kill them.
It had an odd sound of certainty to it, like they wouldn't have a chance fighting.

But that's about it.

...


Just a question... How, or where did Nika adopt that odd accent?

Edited by WeeRLegion, 06 May 2006 - 11:30 PM.

[Shadowhawke]

Nice chapter again

Noticed only a couple of typos (or words that I do not know), but otherwise, all good :-)

Really? I'll have to check them out. Thanks for telling me, and I'm glad you liked the new chapter.

It's good.
The first few chapters didn't quite manage to catch my attention, but this one's better.
And i only noticed two points which i took as mistakes.
Aerie wanting to get out of "her" being one of the typoish kind and the other was how any guards they met would kill them.
It had an odd sound of certainty to it, like they wouldn't have a chance fighting.

But that's about it.

...


Just a question... How, or where did Nika adopt that odd accent?

To Aerie wanting to get out 'her', yes, I think that was a typo >.<;;. With the guards, what I meant was that since they were venturing into territory they shouldn't be, any guards they met would most likely kill first and ask questions later, if you know what I mean.

Any suggestions to making it clearer would be much appreciated.

Oh, and the accent will get explained later . [/Reallybadspoiler]

Thanks for your feedback, you two.

[WeeRLegion]

Any guard they met now would most likely kill them, they knew.

A simple "try to" or "attempt to" somewhere there inbetween would do something to change the impression, i'm sure.


Then again, things will certainly get more complicated if you wish to stress the use of necromancy in the post mortem interrogation of the intruders.

[DalreïDal]

Nalia's left behind, is she? Well, good luck to her and Glaicas, and I hope our friends get lots of greater adventures Btw, was it POSSIBLE in the game to dominate/turn/dispel magic on Glaicas?

Your Aerie is nice, Shadowhawke My favorite part of your last chapter was how Corgeig pointed them towards the Slavers' compound in the Slums. It was much better than just "stumbling" over Lehtinan's doubtful activities. Really nice touch.

I agree with WeeR Legion though that "any guards would kill them" was a bit out of flow and not letting us much hope as Danika's capabilities to fight back. But besides that, everything fine

[Shadowhawke]

Any guard they met now would most likely kill them, they knew.

A simple "try to" or "attempt to" somewhere there inbetween would do something to change the impression, i'm sure.

I can see why both you and DalreiDal thought that was strange. Thanks to both of you for pointing it out. .

Then again, things will certainly get more complicated if you wish to stress the use of necromancy in the post mortem interrogation of the intruders.

lol. Can you *imagine*?

*guards kill an NPC and then raise him again*

"What in Toril were you doing? Eh? Eh?!"

"Nuuuuuhhhhh..."

"Blast it, Korath! I told you to stop raising them as *zombies*!"



Yes, yes, my imagination can run away with me sometimes...

Nalia's left behind, is she? Well, good luck to her and Glaicas, and I hope our friends get lots of greater adventures Btw, was it POSSIBLE in the game to dominate/turn/dispel magic on Glaicas?

We'll be seeing more of her, don't worry. . And as to Glaicas... I *heard* you were supposed to be able to, and I *tried* heaps of times, but I never could manage to do it; I charmed him once but then the dialogue didn't come up, unfortunately.

Your Aerie is nice, Shadowhawke My favorite part of your last chapter was how Corgeig pointed them towards the Slavers' compound in the Slums. It was much better than just "stumbling" over Lehtinan's doubtful activities. Really nice touch.

Thanks. I always thought the PC *stumbled* across way too many things the government should have at least had a clue about, so yeah.

I agree with WeeR Legion though that "any guards would kill them" was a bit out of flow and not letting us much hope as Danika's capabilities to fight back. But besides that, everything fine

Thanks for pointing that out again. . As I said before, it was really meant to be just a note to say that any guards now would try and kill them, not meaning it to cast doubt on Danika's capabilities. But I think I phrased it wrong, so I'll fix it up.

Thanks for the comments, guys. . I'm sorry there's been such a huge gap... People are throwing Internal Assessments bodily at me at the moment that count towards a large percentage of my final mark, so I haven't been able to spend too much time writing >.<;; .

[DalreïDal]

I certainly tried to dominate Glaicas too, and even after a Greater Malison it was not possible for my sorceress. So I'm curious exactly how it's supposed to be accomplished...

Anyway, I'm impatient to see how you'll make him deal with Nalia, ahah!

[WeeRLegion]

I think i once turned his circle green with a charm earth elemental spell, the one you get with the Earth Ring (something like that) thing.
The subsequent dispel however did not make him talkative...

I heard somewhere that you must first charrm him and then dispel it...
Or something such... O_o


An unresearched guess would be that Nalia's presence in the party has something to do with Glaicas' reactions; i rarely had her tag along, it was such waste of experience since i didn't plan on dragging her the rest of the way.

[WeeRLegion]

Blue Circle the Square double post!


An intresting new chapter it is.

I guess the stranger won't remain a stranger for much longer then?



Mmm...
Either i'm just sleepy or you got lucky with your initial polishings; i didn't notice anything particularly odd...
Congrats. ^^