53 replies to this topic

[WeeRLegion]

I wish for a wish cookie with a note of paper in it.
Paper is so deliscious! ^^


Erm... Well, maybe not...
But, ehh, a chilli cookie sounds good.

Edited by WeeRLegion, 27 April 2006 - 07:25 AM.

[Psycho Data]

I wish for a wish cookie with a note of paper in it.
Paper is so deliscious! ^^


Erm... Well, maybe not...
But, ehh, a chilli cookie sounds good.

Buddy, you deserve a whole truckful of cookies.

...As immature as I know this is going to sound...the next time you get a fortune cookie, add the words "in bed" to the end of your fortune.

It sounds childish, but it usually ends up to be pretty amusing.

[WeeRLegion]

Hohoho, sounds like good entertainment!
Maybe you can incorporate it into your story somehow?

Edited by WeeRLegion, 28 April 2006 - 04:38 AM.

[Psycho Data]

Hohoho, sounds like good entertainment!
Maybe you can incorporate it into your story somehow?

Oh the temptation.... maybe I will....

actually, there will be at least one funny, awkward moment involving nudity..... and that's the last spoiler for a while.

And yes, I am indeed working on the story. Time is currently divided between working on chapter 10 and rewriting some earlier chapters to be less sucky.

[WeeRLegion]

Of course, one has to be careful with such as it easily goes "overboard" so to speak.
Eh, does that look more like translated finnish expression or does overboard carry any relevant english meaning here?
What i mean is that such might get out of hand if treated without care.



"Beware of ze traffic lights" -in bed

In truth i've never had such an fortune cookie, or at least i haven't noticed that i'm chewing on paper, so i wouldn't know what such notes say exactly.
Naturally something that the recipient probably has some measure of intrest in, which easily narrows down to... simple things, as the audience most likely isn't all that carefully picked.

[Psycho Data]

Of course, one has to be careful with such as it easily goes "overboard" so to speak.
Eh, does that look more like translated finnish expression or does overboard carry any relevant english meaning here?
What i mean is that such might get out of hand if treated without care.



"Beware of ze traffic lights" -in bed

In truth i've never had such an fortune cookie, or at least i haven't noticed that i'm chewing on paper, so i wouldn't know what such notes say exactly.
Naturally something that the recipient probably has some measure of intrest in, which easily narrows down to... simple things, as the audience most likely isn't all that carefully picked.

Oh aye, it could get out of hand. Usually they just say simple things like "Your hand will succeed in all of your endeavors" -in bed. or "Great fortune follows wherever you go"-in bed.

Ever heard of a band called "Amorphis"? They speak finnish in some of their songs...and, being the ignorant, mono-lingual american that I am, I have no idea what they are saying. Makes me kind of grateful that most of their songs are in english. one of my favorite bands, though.

[Psycho Data]

Ok, rewrote chapter 9 to be less flagrantly awful, and also posted chapter 10 as well. Go me!

[WeeRLegion]

Righty.
It's better now.
Just a few little things that seemed a little strange.
Like Vessa's "Strangeness".
It's just such an horrible word.
Maybe "odd looks" or "weird appearance" or whatever would have served better?


...


So is the Shaman dude the reason for the trouble in the werewolf village or is he just a strange guy meant to distract us readers from seeing the actual culprit?



EDIT

Right, a walk in the forest has a tendency of clearing one's thoughts; maybe now that Anomen's break up speech is less dramatic the prank the rest of them play seems a little bit misdirected; with Anomen handling things without useless fuss and emotion, such an trick seems somewhat pointless and uncalled for.
It's not serious, merely a simple case of over-repair.

Edited by WeeRLegion, 07 May 2006 - 03:37 AM.

[Shadowhawke]

May I just say that I love the new chapter? . The prank was very light-hearted and amusing, and I like how you've woven in all that romance . I also like the new tangent that you've taken with the lycanthropes... and I'll echo WeeRLegion here . Is the Shaman the main guy, or just a distracting element? Whatever the answer, this looks to be shaping up really well. Your improvements to the last chapter has made the situation a lot more realistic. Keep it up.

[WeeRLegion]

And there she makes a wonderful observation, yes, you've managed to write the romance part rather nicely.
Mayhaps you've been reading too many Romance Novels?

Just kidding.


Ack, just a wee little point that i, being the terrible critic that i am, will still make.
A few of the dialogue lines leave a hint of a cheesy taste to my mouth, like the characters would have been prepared for the surprises they encounter.
Or something, now it's out of my system.

[Speed_Demon]

And there she makes a wonderful observation, yes, you've managed to write the romance part rather nicely.
Mayhaps you've been reading too many Romance Novels?

Just kidding.


Ack, just a wee little point that i, being the terrible critic that i am, will still make.
A few of the dialogue lines leave a hint of a cheesy taste to my mouth, like the characters would have been prepared for the surprises they encounter.
Or something, now it's out of my system.

Wow, what New York Times Best Seller have you written, Weer?

Just kidding. That makes it ok, right?

Noctalys, I think your fic is very well written. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to the rest of your story!

Edited by Speed_Demon, 10 May 2006 - 07:14 PM.

[WeeRLegion]

HAHHAH!
I'm not fooling anybody and i make no attempt to; i've written very little mysel.
But i have read a lot, and i believe i have a critical enough eye to notice things.

A shame it makes it harder for me to keep in mind also the value of compliments, as criticism without such can only lead to strife.
Pure compliments are also fairly useless if your goal is to do anything besides cheer someone up, they risk yielding complacency.

But if properly laced together the two will show anyone what to improve as well as inspire him to instead of whipping him to.


I'm in no way offended by your joke, but i just want to make it clear that if i have sounded patronizing here then it has been of thoughtlessness and not so much of an attitude.
I did begin making my comments carefully, but as they were welcomed i kind of felt the need for excess formality drop dead on the floor, writhing in pain with a sword in it's belly.


So, ummm, i think that about covers it. ^^

Hey, tell you what, i'll invite you to laugh at my own writings once i get my current short piece finished, hmm?

[Speed_Demon]

Hey, tell you what, i'll invite you to laugh at my own writings once i get my current short piece finished, hmm?

I have no wish to laugh at your writings. While I feel that constructive criticism can be a valuable tool to any writer, perhaps words like "cheesy" would be more.....palatable....in a private message, rather than on a message board for all to see? Just a thought.

Good luck on your writing project.

[WeeRLegion]

Thanks, and i shall do my best to avoid the offensive dairy products from now on.

[Psycho Data]

WOOHOOO!! And chapter 11 is up!

That is not the chapter entire, mind you; It has been cleft in twain due to the fact that it was pretty long. The chapter is completely finished, but I am not going to post the other half of it, yet. I'm just evil like that, you see.

Enjoy!

[Shadowhawke]

*accuses* Evil!

Well, I like the new chapter, even with all my inabilities to cope with suspense . The scene you wrote of the woman was quite damaging to my nerves. I kept on expecting something to happen...

The main part I liked, though, of course was the development between Solaufein and Vessa. . I thought that was very well done and true to the characters you've shown already. Good work, and I hope to read more soon when you relent in your evilness.

[DalreïDal]

I still like your Solaufein very much. It's nice to see him adapt to the surface, and nice to see him react to Vessa's personality.

You're a bit heavy-handed on poor Anomen - alright, I admit I like him, but still - but I really like how you changed the prank chapter. It was much funnier this way, and less cruel.

I admire your ability of incorporating original adventures into the storyline I decided to write "after the end" because I couldn't write outside the storyline if not. Your werewolves episode is good, and as it's been said, it's an efficient anti-climax. You keep expecting something to happen. That nothing happens is almost something in itself. Well done.

Well, when are you going to be less evil and post this other half of chapter that's prepared??? I'm getting impatient here!!!

[Psycho Data]

I still like your Solaufein very much. It's nice to see him adapt to the surface, and nice to see him react to Vessa's personality.

You're a bit heavy-handed on poor Anomen - alright, I admit I like him, but still - but I really like how you changed the prank chapter. It was much funnier this way, and less cruel.

I admire your ability of incorporating original adventures into the storyline I decided to write "after the end" because I couldn't write outside the storyline if not. Your werewolves episode is good, and as it's been said, it's an efficient anti-climax. You keep expecting something to happen. That nothing happens is almost something in itself. Well done.

Well, when are you going to be less evil and post this other half of chapter that's prepared??? I'm getting impatient here!!!

...um....OK!

Thank you for the praise! I'm glad you like the revised chapter. I guess I did go a little bit overboard, eh?

I hope you like the second half!

[Neferit]

The last sentence was wonderful! I almost fell off of my chair (oh yes, my laughing will kill me one day, I know it ) fantasic! just continue ... soon .. please

[Shadowhawke]

Lol! I've got to agree with Neferit, it was really quite hilarious .

Just as a note, though, I thought the chapter was slightly disjointed. I can understand why Jaheira and Anomen both would have wanted to talk to Solaufein and Vessa after what happened, but the jumping to and fro and then to the shaman and then to that rather amusing interaction between Vessa and the druidess was a bit much. Perhaps split it up and expand on some parts?

Other than that, it was an absolutely delightful read.