60 replies to this topic

[MorningGlory]

Don't know if this will help, or not, Ashara, but here goes..


There once was an heir to a hold,
To the poor she would give daddy's gold
Will she wed to a whelp
Or will tighten her belt
And end up turned out in the cold.

I will try to break between meters and mark them with a makeshift 'accent' where the emphasis goes within the individual meter.. As I think I said before, for a limerick, it is five lines total, with lines 1, 2, and 5 containing 3 complete meters, and lines 3 and 4 containing two complete meters. A meter here is an anapestic meter and should contain two 'short' sounding syllables, followed by one with the emphasis. Like so..

There once' -- was an heir' -- to a hold',
To the poor' -- she would give' -- all her gold'
Would she marry' -- a whelp'
Or will she tighten' -- her belt'
And end up'-- turned out' -- in the cold.

Mind you, the last meter in each line doesn't garner the emphasis from a practical pov because of eol.

Hope that helped -- hard to explain the cadence in words.

As for your second one.. Whatever word falls at the end of line 2 needs to rhyme with "skin" in line 1, and "kin" in line 5. Anything with a clipped "...in" sound will work.

As a suggestion..

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in decadent sin,
Now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And, the drow has been cast from her kin.

MG




MG

Edited by MorningGlory, 30 October 2005 - 04:13 PM.

[Rabain]

It's the long vowel sound associated with the a in daddy and father, it throws of the meter and just at the point when the stress should be on the very last word...gold. It makes the line seem longer than it is even though the number of syllables is the same.

Apart from the father/daddy thing i like the rest but it might be better to switch the Or and And of the last two lines:

And tighten her belt (which she will have to do as the Roenalls are mean!)
Or end up turned out in the cold (which will probably happen if the Roenalls get her land).


"Lived in decadent sin" is better but needs to be one word longer to match line 1. Perhaps a such before decadent?

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in such decadent sin,
That now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And the drow has been cast from her kin.

Edited by Rabain, 30 October 2005 - 05:31 PM.

[MorningGlory]

Ashara, on Oct 30 2005, 05:44 PM, said:

Could you, perhaps, elaborate on the difference between

'all her gold'

and

'father's gold'/'daddy's gold'

Both you and Rabain seems to think that the latter falls out of the line while the former fits in. To me, both all her and father's/daddy's sound like the same two syllables. So, what I am missing?

I think it is merely the sound of the 's' on the end of each word here.. In a spoken sense, it is difficult to enunciate and then proceed to the harsh 'g' sound in gold. With the word 'her', the immediate preceding sound is a clear 'r' (or 'er') sound, making the transition easier for the speaker. Have someone read both to you and what we are attempting to explain may become more clear to the ear. I know how difficult it is trying to explain 'sound' in 'print.'

Quote

Heh, I don't take the credit for Viconia's one, I just wanted to suggest a second line that made a bit more sense to me. "Lived in decadent sin" sounds better to me than the previous 'sin' versions.

That may be because of the sing-song cadence of the word as it is used here. And, that's all part of it.. Finding the words that not only fit in the meter, but interlock in a lyrical way as well.

MG

[Rabain]

If you look at the other rhymes it is line 3 and 4 that are linked and line 5 that is always the choice.

If the Or remains where you have it then the And puts the last line with tighten her belt not as another choice. Whereas if the Or was on the last line then the choice is two..stay and get married Or get turned out.

The tighten her belt works either way for meaning as she would need to tighten her belt if she got turned out but will probably need to tighten it anyway if she stays with Roenall due to his greed.

Anyway to me it looks odd...anyone else?

[MorningGlory]

Ashara, on Oct 30 2005, 06:26 PM, said:

Okay, I think I see it - it is either a 3 syllable word with the accent on the last syllable, or one syllable word followed by a two syllable with the accent on the last one, or the 3 short one-syllable words. An inclusion of a two syllable word in *front* of the one syllable one screws the metre.

Quote

Anapest
Two unaccented syllables followed by an accented one, as in com-pre-HEND or in-ter-VENE.

Oufff... I guess, I will take a look at Kiv's later on to cont the accents and syllables for the proper metre.

As for OR and AND, the way I think about it is that her alternatives are either married and stay or go adventuring (ie tighten her belt/turned out in the cold)

That's the gist of it. But don't depend totally on the engineering of it. The proof is in the pudding, so to speak, so find someone to read it to you (that way you have independent ears from your own voice) and you, in turn read it to them. I know it sounds corny, but it actually works most of the time.

MG

[Rabain]

Getting rid of the "will she" on line 4 would make it perfect in my eyes.

The Haer'Dalis one is practically perfect except for the use of dare...I'm not sure it can be used in that context. Grammatically if should be daring but...

Perhaps you could mention his hair or "With the maids - he had grace - he had flair".

[MorningGlory]

Ashara, on Oct 30 2005, 06:41 PM, said:

Okay, I see your point. So you'd preffer it that way:

There once was an heir to a hold,
To the poor she would give all her gold
Would she marry a whelp
And will she tighten her belt
Or end up turned out in the cold.

And here, to try to see if I did assimilated the material of our small limerick workshop (forgeting about the artistic value for now) - does this sound right (Haer'Dalis):

There once -- was a fiend -- in looks fair
With the maids -- he was deft -- and so dare (//he was dare?//)
When the Duke -- set a trap
That locked shut -- with a clap
He knew not -- to fall prey -- to despair.

I like, but you might want to think of something other than 'dare.' The actual word that would describe him would be 'daring,' here, but I've always liked inserting something like "With the maids he was smooth and debonaire" (Well, for Haery, LOL) And, you might even think of replacing 'clap' with 'slap' or something similar. But, by george, I think you've got the hang of it. Hope it all helped.

MG

[Rabain]

Yes that was entertaining, there should be more topics like this...just for fun!

[MorningGlory]

Anything I contributed, you are most welcome, Ashara. And, it was/is fun.

Rabain, you've the makings of a first-class bard, lad..


MG

[Kellen]

Quote

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in such decadent sin,
That now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And the drow has been cast from her kin.

Perhaps a slight change in line 5

There once was an elf black of skin,
Who lived in such decadent sin,
That now Lolth causes pain
For a child went unslain,
And now she's been cast from her kin.

Immy! Probably not that great.

There once was a child pure of heart,
who from him/her but once did she part,

I really should have more,
I must go through a door,
because I ought now to depart

Btw Edwin's should mention his more feminine side.

Edited by Kael, 30 October 2005 - 08:23 PM.

[Kulyok]

Quote

Btw Edwin's should mention his more feminine side.

Edwina, I think, has her own one: "I once knew a Red Mage of Thay..." etc.


Hmm... now I am tempted to go and try to write my own one...

[Kulyok]

Okay, here's a try:

There once was an elf so upset
He'd lament to any who let
He waited for death
With notable faith
But Fate let him down in the end

Or "she" instead of Fate? I'm also not sure in the second line (grammar).

[Princeps]

Some suggestions of mine, the first two variations of NiGHTMARE's limericks. They should be metrically correct, but I'm a bit uncertain about the English here and there, particularly if the word 'blight' can be used that way.


Cernd:
There once was a man quite content,
Until one day he found new intent
In the druidic life.
But a 'No!' said his wife,
So alone from the city he went.

Edwin:
There once was a wizard in red -
A true inspiration of dread.
In a powerful spell
He could really excel;
Too bad he had such a big head!

Viconia:
An elf with a skin far from white,
Found that sparing a life was a blight
In the Spider-Queen's eyes.
Now she walks in disguise,
Marooned as she is in the light.

[Rabain]

Very nice however I think the fact that twice you have used line 3 as the finish for lines 1 and 2 breaks the rythm. When you read them first you get caught on line 3 when you realise it is a continuation of line 2 and you have to go back and start again reading it differently. You shouldn't have to do that.

Lines 1 and 2 go together (both in rhyme and meaning), lines 3 and 4 go together (both in rhyme and meaning), and line 5 should rhyme with line 2 and be metrically similar. That is if you want to keep the format of the bioware limericks.

[Kulyok]

I agree with Rabain, I think, but otherwise I liked these a lot. Very melodic.


Now, I've just found some limericks for mod NPCs, and I think posting them here would be on topic. After all, it is unfair that the hard, lovingly done work by Bioware gets appreciated, and similar work done by modders does not.

FADE:
There once was an elf with demon blood,
whom in the past treated all as mud,
but then she was captured,
and escaped broken and fractured,
And after her still they trudge!

KELSEY:
There once was a mage accidental--
--Whose powers grew beyond the ornamental--

- And then, sadly, Kelsey makes him run away.

KETO:
There once was a wandering lass
Fearful of her unknown past.
Yet despite her grim worries
she smiles and tells the stories
of lives far removed from an emptied wine glass.

NATHANIEL:
There once was a guard from the Gate,
An abandoning thief was his mate,
He looked far and wide
But the thief he did hide
And now he's without a date.


That's all I have for the moment. If you find some more, I, for one, will read them with great interest.

Edited by Kulyok, 31 October 2005 - 04:12 AM.