How about the cast of BGII take on "The Rocky Horror Show"?
Featuring -
Terminsal as the Narrator
Aerie as Janet
Anomen as Brad
Keldorn as Frank'n'Furter
Minsc as Rocky
Edwin as Riff Raff
Jaheira as Magenta
Imoen as Columbia
and Haer D'alis as Eddie
All Together Now...
"When Haer D said he didn't like his Teddy
You knew he was a no good kid
But when he threatened your life with Entropy and Strife
What a Guy
Makes you Cry
Und I did
Haer.... DDDDD!"
"Oh my, a clever trick. One that my nephew Tim Jansen would pay a pretty penny for. He's in the theater you know. One of his favorite roles requires him to dress...ahem...ahem...as a female gnome and sing and dance on stage. It is a little embaressing for him, but as you know artists are required to sacrifice for their craft."
"Oh, and what is the musical called?" Charname asks innocently. He ignores the shushing motions of the others. Nalia was still a bit down after the revelations of last night and this morning. Jan was the perfect answer to a low mood.
"I forget what it is called, all I can remember is some of the songs...one goes like this...
'A sweet trans-sexual frommmmm Turnip-vania!"
And I think I remember a line from the showstopper song...
'Let's do the Timestop again! Let's do the Timestop again!
You gotta put your hands on your hips, you gotta shake it again,again,again,again,again,
Let's do the Timestop again! Let's do the Timestop again!'"
"I got it! It was the 'Turnip Horror Picture Show!'" Jan smiled as he finally remembered the name of the musical. "Poor laddie, he just doesn't have the legs to wear fishnet black stockings. I really can't think of a gnome I know of, by the way, that looks good in fishnet black stockings. Not even the female gnomes. Our legs are just too short. Why, gnomish legs are too short to even put them on properly. Timmy has fallen down more than once on stage tripping over the wads of fishnet hanging over his feet. Of course, the 6 inch stiletto heels on his pumps didn't help matters any. And the rest of his outfit is just shameful. My, what sacrifices he has to make for his art!"
"And what did the rest of his outfit look like?" Charname really hated to do this, but Jan's story brought a grin to Nalia's face, and Charname wanted that grin to grow into a smile.
"He was strapped into this black, lace corset, with little poofy pink bunnies and teddybears embroidered on it. And a shocking pink tu-tu. The worst part is when they lace Timmy up in the corset, it compresses his manly, gnomish belly so folds of his skin spill out over the top of the corset. Makes him look like he was the victim of a botched belly tuck." Jan replied with a grin.
"Groan!!!" The party managed a chorus.
"These days Timmy is doing the 'Turnip named Desire', at least that's what Aunt Beloo wrote the last time I received a letter from her. Interesting love story, it is the story of an adventurer who falls in love and settles down. The adventurer is a female half elven druid, and she settles down with the character Timmy plays, a gnome around town, who is down on his luck. Their love saves both of them, and they live happily ever after surrounded by their six children." Jan smiles fondly.
"And just what is the name of the half-elven druid?" Jaheira asks dangerously.
"Why, I think her name in the play is Aurora, Aurora Dawn, which of course changes to Aurora Jansen in the play." Jan replies.
"I don't understand something, Jan. I mean a gnome is pretty short, no offense, and unless the part of Aurora is played by another gnome, the kissing scenes would look...you know, odd?" Nalia asks this with a grin on her face.
"Ah, lass, you reckon without the sponsers of the play. Jansen Industries, of course. The Actress who plays Aurora is a half elf, just like the script calls for, but Tim uses the Jansen Stepladder of Love. Its a wonderful device, made of light tubular steel, and weighs almost nothing. A member of the vertically challenged races, like halflings, and dwarves and of course gnomes, can simply carry one to his or her lover. And a simple flick of the wrist, the stepladder can unfold, and the gnome, halfling or dwarf simply runs up the ladder, and can thus kiss a member of the taller races. Being picked up for a kiss is simply embarressing." Jan smiles benignly.
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Just to let you know, i've offered my songs to blue. Be afraid, be very afraid...
Edited by Userunfriendly, 07 November 2005 - 05:09 PM.
They call me....
Darth...
Darth Gizka...