an affair

Hello. I've been lurking around this site for a while and I have decided to post a little story I wrote. I hope its as much fun to read as it was to write.

***Warning***
This story does contain some graphic material, (at least I think so. My views on graphic don't neccessarily match others) but to be on the safe side, here's your warning all the same.



(This is taken from a transcript written while Marcus the Bold, an aging storyteller, asked Journey for a story from her days as a Bhaalspawn.)


















A lot of people have asked me why I have done the things I?ve done. Simply put, I don?t know. My life is a series of consistent moments of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, even from the moment of my birth. You don?t even know the amount of debate Sarevok and I have had about that. He?s come to terms with the split second decision that defined our lives when Gorion plucked me from my mother?s sacrifice. I haven?t. Needless to say, we try to speak of it as little as possible.
Now how did I get started on that? Here my intent is to relive a rather delicious moment in my past and I start babbling about philosophy. Hmmph, we won?t get too far if you let me ramble on like that.
Ah yes, Saemon Havarian.
Now there is a name that invokes more than a light reaction. People loved him, or hated him desperately. But no one ever made the mistake of trusting him.
Well, except for me, but understand, I was young at the time. His intentions seemed good enough and I was worried about chasing down Irenicus. So I was distracted and made a mistake.
Ah, but what a night that mistake had created. I still think of it from time to time. But I?m getting ahead of myself here.
We had just stolen Desharik?s ship, in an act of sheer audacity. My comrades and I had just fetched Imoen from Spellhold and we were hot on the trail of Bodhi and Irenicus. Both of us had just had our souls ripped from us during some sort of ritual and we tried to live with our discomfiture of soulnessness. Imoen seemed to rebound more quickly than I, but then she didn?t have Bhaal?s focus on her as much as I did. I could feel the angry God lurking around me, waiting for the slightest slip in my resolve. It was, ah, disconcerting to say the least.
Anyway, we set sail in the dead of night. I spent a large part of that night introducing Imoen to everyone who had joined me in her rescue. Naturally they were all curious about the sister that cost me 15,000 gold pieces.
She still owes me that, by the way, bet she won?t mention it if you talk to her though.
I guess that first night on the ship was sort of a reunion party. I introduced her to Keldorn first off. You wouldn?t believe how quickly those two bonded. I know Keldorn reminded Imoen of all those stuffy uncles we had back in Candlekeep and it took two blinks of an eye before she fell into outrageously teasing him. He took it well, much like ribbing from a favored niece.
Of course I had to introduce her to Anomen, even though he and I weren?t really talking at the time. It didn?t matter. Once again, seasickness plagued him the moment he set foot on board and he spent most of the night holed up in his cabin.
Jan had managed to out-annoy Imoen, which was probably the greatest thing I had ever seen. To this day Imoen won?t have anything to do with turnips, gives her indigestion I guess.
And then there was Kelsey. It was unfortunate that I had met Kelsey after Anomen and I had gotten together. If it hadn?t been for Anomen I would have made a play for him, but the way things happened I?m guess I?m glad I didn?t. Besides, he was a merchant and I had made a living relieving merchants of their goods.
When I introduced them, Kelsey took her hand and shook it, like he would have any other colleague and he almost pulled it off.
?Hi-lo,? he greeted, cleared his throat and tried again. ?Uh, I mean, hello.?
?Hiya,? Imoen responded and then grinned at him.
He lost the ability to speak after that, so I left her with him. I wanted to check on Anomen anyway.
When I got to Anomen?s cabin, I saw him curled up on the floor, sweating and shaking. Something in my mind chuckled. He had the ability to bring back the dead, but apparently Helm hadn?t granted him the power to cure seasickness.
?How are you feeling?? I asked gently. I tried to ignore the wall that had grown between us since we left Spellhold.
?Fine,? he replied in a weak voice. Of course he was fine! How could I not see how fine he was behind the green tint to his skin?
?Here, I?ll help you into bed,? I tried again. Still I could feel the tension between us knot up in my shoulders.
?I can do it,? he said and clawed his way toward the hammock. I took a towel I had filched from the Vulgar Monkey and soaked it down in cold water; the act intended to hide my irritation. I wonder if all clerics make such horrible patients?
He managed to climb into his precarious bed but he still had his armor on. I walked over and began to unfasten the straps to his breastplate when he angrily knocked my hand away.
?I can do it,? he snapped.
?Fine!? I shouted and threw the wet towel at him. It smacked him in the face and I stormed out of his cabin. It looked like this wasn?t going to be an easy wall to breach.
To this day Anomen won?t admit that me turning into the Slayer and trying to kill him had any affect on our relationship. But I remember differently. If its possible, that transformation scared me more than it scared him and he called it right when he said I was a beast within. Still, it was a hard knock to our relationship.
I left Anomen?s cabin in an edgy mood and I simply wasn?t ready for bed yet. So I paid one of the crew to take me to Saemon?s private stock of alcohol and liberated a bottle of rum. Then I went above decks where I could pace and drink myself insensate. I have always loved the ocean and it was a shame that Anomen suffered from seasickness. Many times I had imagined the two of us standing at the fore of a ship, letting the wind wash over us and staring up at the moon.
What was that look for? What, just because I was Bhaalspawn meant that I didn?t have romantic inclinations? Well, my old friend, in between the murderous tendencies, saving the world from the likes of Sarevok, Bodhi, Irenicus and Melissan, and deflecting Bhaal at every turn, believe it or not, I did manage to find time to indulge in schoolgirl fancies and daydreams.
May I continue?
Thanks.
Now, I leaned against the rail of the ship, the prow, a half-clad woman, soared toward the waves from below me. I uncorked the bottle of rum and took a long pull. Rum is scarce in these lands and of course, the prices are outrageous, but its worth the risk of having my hands cut off to get a bottle. A drink made from sugar is as close to the Heavens as I can think of.
There was a biting chill in the wind as it poured over me, but after the confines of Spellhold, it was just the thing to purge me of my claustrophobia.
?Ah, Journey, you enjoy the lead so much that even on my ship you take the closest thing to the front you can find, eh??
I turned and saw Saemon approach me.
?Gee, Saemon, I would have figured you would be abed by now. Or can?t you find any man?s wife to join you??
?Ah now, you wound me, love. And here I came to check on you. To see how you?re doing now that part of you is. . . uh, missing.?
?Fine, I suppose. ?Tis strange though, at the weirdest moments I can feel Bhaal ready to seize my body.?
Saemon jumped back and his eyes grew wide.
?Really? Well, I. . . uh. . . gotta go. . . ?
I had to laugh.
?Oh Saemon, I?m kidding!?
He glanced at me warily.
?Mighty odd sense of humor you have there, love.?

Now I have to add that Saemon had known so many women, he couldn?t possibly remember all their names. His use of the word ?love? was not a gesture of affection. Merely a nickname he gave every lady he had ever known.

He finally became comfortable enough to stand next to me and I shared his bottle of rum with him. We stared up into the velvety throat of the night sky without saying anything.
?So, how?s Sir Anomen?? he finally asked.
?Don?t ask me, we?re not speaking,? I replied. I realized the mistake of saying anything instantly.
?Really? Something to do with what happened back in Spellhold??
?Aye. Forgive me though if I don?t want to talk about it,? I told him. I shouldn?t have bothered. I knew that Saemon didn?t give one whit about Anomen our fight or his illness.
?So I take it you won?t be staying with him tonight??
Well, THAT was direct enough.

You have to understand something here. Saemon was a scoundrel, a thief and a liar. I knew that up front. But there was a reason that he still lives to this day. There was something else about him. It was almost indefinable. Me, I say that it was the way he oozed charm the way a dirty man oozed stink. It was perceptible in the air around him. And I have to say, the way he stood, with his chest bare, his undone shirt flapping in the wind, and the golden hoop earring winking in the moonlight, well, I dare any woman to resist that. Even if I could have ignored how he looked, his sexuality hit me in the loins and all of my senses stood at attention.

?No,? I replied calmly. ?I won?t.?
?I see,? he replied with a smirk. ?That?s too bad.?
?Yeah, I?ll bet.?
?So,? he said, smoothly changing the subject. ?I see that Imoen is relatively unharmed, so that must mean a good return on all the money you spent.?
That damnable man was playing games with me. I?m not saying I didn?t enjoy it, but it irritated me that I hadn?t initiated the game playing first.
?Indeed, although I could say that my investment could possibly net me even better results,? I told him and let my eyes rake him from head to toe.
?Oh?? he said with a grin that could melt a demon.
?Yes, I introduced her to Kelsey and they seem to be getting on well together.?
His bland look clearly told me he had caught on to my side of the game and I couldn?t help but smile toothily.

Pardon? Didn?t I care about Anomen?
Of course I cared about Anomen! As much as a person without a soul can care about anyone or anything. It was like Irenicus had once said. I clung to the memory, and then the memory of the memory of our love. But come on, without a soul, my feelings lacked conviction. I never once claimed I was a good person, and without my soul, my conscious was virtually gone.
And Saemon and I were a lot alike. I have never understood what Anomen had ever seen in me. He took my council on matters of morality, never noticing the irony of receiving noble council from a thief. Somewhere, he saw honor in my grubby little soul and he often looked to for some wisdom when he was in doubt. To Anomen I was a diamond in the rough.
Saemon never had that perception. He was a scoundrel and he related to the dark underbelly of whatever good side I had. We both knew what it was like to leap from a second story window because our lover?s spouse had come home. We had seen the race of man from a view of the gutters and knew their darkest secrets and deepest vices. We had a lot in common.

Pray, let me go on with my story, I?m nearing the good bit.

An uncomfortable silence passed while we stared at each other. The very air between us was charged with signals so animal that neither one of us understood them on a conscious level. Yes, I hated Saemon Havarian. He had betrayed me to Bodhi?s vampires, and I hadn?t forgiven him for that. But the urges he switched on when he came around were stronger than my hate.

Has that ever happened to you? You find someone that has no redeemable qualities, the very thought of them disgusts you and you can?t even stand the world because they?re in it. Yet, the minute you get within two feet of them, all of your feelings are overridden by the beastly sexual need you have for them?
No? That?s too bad.
I?m here to tell you, it?s like a drug. You?re addicted to their bodies in a purely chemical way. That is the only way I can think to describe it.

Anyway. The same primal need that stirred within me stirred within Saemon. We may not have said a word to each other, but our beasts within spoke volumes and we could feel every word of their writhing dialog. I could feel a sweat break through my skin below the belt and I heard Saemon?s whispering moan. With that signal we crashed together. His mouth burned, as I tasted this salty sailor for the first time. He yanked my shirt up my back and I tore his away completely. We made our way across the deck as one creature melded of two bodies, stumbling over ropes and battling the rocking of the ship. If any crew saw us, they merely stepped out of the way and let us continue to Saemon?s cabin.
As we reached his door, he latched onto my neck, devouring and tasting my skin with such a force, I fleetingly wondered if Bodhi had turned him vampire. But then he raked his nails down my back and I threw my head back, moaning, and the thought dissolved.
?A minute love, I have to unlock my door,? he growled. He dug into a pants pocket and struggled against the tightening leather to bring forth his key. I took that opportunity to yank off my shirt and to free Saemon from his pants. He fumbled the key into the lock and the door crashed inward. As we stumbled inside, our progress was hampered by the blinding darkness. Saemon tripped over a trunk and stumbled to the floor. I?m sure he was thrown off balance by the fact that his pants had slipped down around his knees.
?Damnation,? he grumbled. I heard him flop around on the floor in an effort to stand.
I chuckled as I easily stripped off my remaining garments.
?You laughing at me?? he asked. Suddenly, he snatched my arm and yanked me to the floor next to him. His mouth found mine once again and he ran his hands over my bare skin. I rolled until I was on top of him, our sweat soaked bodies slid easily across each other.
?Saemon?? I asked against him mouth.
?What??
?Shouldn?t we get in bed??
Our tongues tangled for a moment before he answered.
?Yes,? he breathily whispered.
?Where is it?? I asked panting.
?I don?t know.?
?Okay.? I sucked on his bottom lip and he pulled on my hair until my neck arched to him.

My dear Marcus, if you don?t take a breath soon, you?ll suffocate. Oh, now look, you?ve dropped your quill. Well, pick it up, come on; I have to be somewhere soon.
What?s that?
Well thank you. Yes I do pride myself on my excellent memory. How nice of you for noticing.

I?m not sure what Saemon had in mind, if he had anything in his mind at the time, but what he got was wholly different, I can assure you. My passion was high, my blood burned and without a soul as a barrier, part of the Slayer broke free. I could feel its mental claws gripping me, trying to wrench away control. My empowered and highflying ardor fueled it and I was in for a battle.

Whoa.
It intensified any and every sensation on my part and Saemon noticed the change.
I have to give him credit here; there aren?t many men who could survive such an erotic onslaught.
Heh, I have to thank Edwin for that particular turn of phrase, even if he has no idea what it really means. You know, it might prove interesting to teach him.

Oh come on, Marcus, of course I?m kidding. . . kinda.

I suppose I can skip over the messy parts. There was some spurting, a number of explosions and a great deal of screaming in pleasure. No stars though. Now I have done this a time or two in my life, and not once have I ever seen stars. But that?s neither here nor there. Needless to say, I left Saemon Havarian so exhausted he had to work at the simple task of breathing. I stood and searched the room until I found a lantern. A few sparks and the room filled with a warm glow. Saemon laid on the floor, his hair, once arranged in a rakish fashion, stuck out on end and I saw that his pants still dangled off one of his legs. Speaking of pants, I had to search the cabin for a moment before I found mine flung over an elegantly carved teak chest. I slowly redressed, pausing to find all of my garments and when I finished, I found that Saemon was still on the floor, staring at me. I grinned, dug a few gold out of my pouch and tossed them on the nightstand by the bed.
?Thanks love,? I said, winked and left his cabin. I went back to my cabin and ordered up a warm bath.

Yes, Marcus, that?s the end. I guess it has to be; you look like you?re ready to bolt. Feel free to come back any time. I?m sure I can dig up more stories.

(It is noted here that Marcus literally ran from Anomen and Journey?s home. It isn?t clear whether Journey?s invitation to return caused him to flee or the fact that Sir Anomen had just returned from the Temple of Helm.)

It has been a few months since Journey told her tale to Marcus the Bold. I sat in on the discussion, taking notes to buttress what Marcus had written down. After we left, we made the long trek back to Marcus? home where we immediately began the task of writing her story.
I am happy to say that it is complete. It has been bound in a beautiful gold-inlaid leather and I have never seen Marcus so full of himself.
My name has been left out of it all together, but at this point I really don?t care. The completion of this project means that my apprenticeship is also through. It is now time for me to strike out on my own. Once I was called Brody the Assistant. From here on out I shall call myself Brody the Quill.
And what is in line for me now that I have cast off Marcus? shackles? Well, I am heading back to speak with Journey. Marcus had been scandalized by her story, but I had found it wonderful. She had been so honest and so frank, I really had to admire her.
But yet, I still had a few questions burning in my mind. What happened next? Did she tell Sir Anomen? I found it hard to believe that he would have tolerated such a thing, as knights aren?t known for their forgiveness of such sins. But there was one question in particular that I needed to ask.
Why did she tell that story? If I try, I can picture Sir Anomen forgiving his love anything, but I simply couldn?t picture him agreeing to advertise such an infidelity.
Instinct told me there was more to this then simply telling a tale. I couldn?t wait to find out if I was right.

I have arrived back in Athkatla. The first thing I did when I got here was to send a runner to Journey?s posh residence in the Government District. He came back with a strange reply.
?Her Ladyship says that you are welcomed back and she would love to speak with you.?
I was startled that she had remembered me, but then it was as Marcus had said. The Lady had an excellent memory.
?She also said that you came back just in time,? the boy told me.
?Just in time for what?? I asked, but he just shrugged his shoulders.
Interesting, very interesting.

When I arrive at Journey?s estate, I am startled to see that she has a houseful of people. Mainly the Highborn ladies of the area and they are just finishing up their tea. There is something about the picture that just doesn?t fit. Don?t get me wrong, Journey can be as regal as any queen, but seeing her amongst the Nobility leaves me off balance. The Ladies are refined, arranged and polished and Journey is real. Like walking into a beautiful sculpture garden to see a clump of wildflowers growing up through the cracks.
?I?m sorry, ladies, but I will have to cut our tea short. Brody here wishes to speak with me about a story I told him a few months ago,? Journey announces.
?Oh, the one you gave to Marcus the Bold?? one of the ladies asks.
?Indeed, that very one,? Journey agreed.
?Oh, I had a copy delivered just before I got here. I can?t wait to get home and read it.?
?I can?t wait either,? Journey says blandly, but I notice a glint of humor dancing behind those eyes.
?It really was naughty of you to keep your story such a secret, my dear. I?m afraid the suspense is going to kill me. I bet it will just grab my attention!?
?Dorthea, you can bank on it.? Journey?s grin is vicious, but goes unnoticed by the ladies. They gather their things and quickly leave Journey?s house to go and read Dorthea?s copy of the book and as Journey shuts the door, her low chuckle is wicked.
?I didn?t mean to interrupt tea with your friends,? I apologize.
?They?re not my friends. I hate them,? she says.
?Oh,? is all I can say. Journey laughs again.
?Please, sit down. Are you hungry? I have a number of biscuits, cookies and other trifles that the ladies made. Frankly all this delicate food gives me indigestion, but that doesn?t mean you can?t eat your fill.?
It seems I have caught Journey in a strange mood, because she keeps looking at me with a knowing smile and laughing. But I accept her offer of food and sit down with my plate.
?What is it that you wish to know, Brody?? she asks.
The first question I meant to ask was what Sir Anomen?s reaction was when she told him about her night with Saemon. I quickly changed my mind when I saw her mood, however.
?Did you ever tell Anomen about that night with Saemon??
She looks at me, and I swear her eyes are twinkling!
?You know, Brody, when you and Marcus came to visit me, I knew you were smart. Marcus is all flash and no substance, but you?re different. I watched you, while you took notes and it looked like you were genuinely enjoying yourself.?
?I was, my Lady.?
?You appreciated my story for what it was. A gritty story of truth from a hero seemingly gold plated.?
?I couldn?t have put it better myself, my Lady.?
?I also noticed that you have good instincts. Very good instincts.?
?Thank you, my Lady.? And then suddenly it hit me. I felt my jaw drop as I gawked at her. ?Gods teeth! You haven?t told him!?
She throws her head back and laughter explodes straight from her gut. After I figured out the first part, the rest of the puzzle fell into place. No, she hadn?t told Sir Anomen, she was going to let Marcus the Bold do it for her. And once the Order finds out that Marcus had published such an immoral tale about one of their highest members? wives, they would be calling for his head to hit the chopping block! And because he was a pompous ass, he had left my name out of it and therefore, spared me the same fate.
Gods have mercy; this was a dangerous young lady!
It is then that I notice a pack filled with all sorts of adventuring gear, a set of leather armor and a sword, laid out neatly.
?You?re leaving him,? I state.
?Yes, I am. Now, Brody, would you care for a tale as real as the last one??
?I can?t possibly refuse!?
?Very good then. Shall we start??


Ask anyone for his or her opinion of Anomen, and the first thing you?ll hear about is his arrogance. That?s only scratching the surface, however. Underneath that arrogance, you?ll find layers upon layers of self-absorption, vanity, cold ambition, and snobbism. I can?t say if he?s always been this way, although I would like to say that he hadn?t. It isn?t an easy thing to accept that I have been duped from the very beginning.
You see, when Anomen and I first met, I did manage to see past his arrogance and find something worthwhile about him. He was scared, lost and in mourning for his beloved sister. I know for a fact that his grief was for her was real and I am beginning to think that her death was the start of his downfall. Of his two parents, Moira was most like their mother, honest, caring, non-superficial and content. Family and friends meant more than wealth and material objects.
Their father was the opposite and I mean the exact opposite. Their father?s good side only related to their mother and when she died, his good side died also.
And I?m afraid that when Moira died, Anomen?s warmth and compassion had also started to die and his father had started to grow in its place. It took many years for it to come to fruition, and by the time I noticed it, we were married.

When we first fell in love, we actually managed to have some fun in between saving the world. I can sit here and recall perfectly the moments of peace we had found, sitting on some river bank and tossing in a couple of lines. We baked in the sun, fished and talked about everything and anything. There were times we would get to laughing so hard, we couldn?t stop.
In fact, I remember the time when the whole party sat by the riverbank just talking and laughing. Except Edwin, he just sat there trying to figure out that damned Nether Scroll. A lull had fallen over the conversation when Edwin jumped up looking rather excited.
?I?ve got it! Prepare yourselves, fools, for once I read this I shall rule you all!?
?Are you sure you should do that?? I asked.
He ignored me and chanted the words on the scroll. I could feel the surge of force flow past me and into him as he channeled his magic. He cried out the last words of the scroll and there was a great flash of light.
He had promptly tuned himself into a woman. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life.
?You have got to be kidding me,? I choked. Everyone had his or her two coppers to add, but it was Anomen?s response that had me laughing so hard that I nearly wet myself.
He knelt down, his armor clanging noisily, and struck a pose.
?Oh, my dear lady, please honor this poor knight by bestowing your favor upon me, so that when I ride off into battle, I shall know one so fair as you is awaiting my return!?
Edwin was not amused.
?Bah,? he snapped and stormed off. The others rushed off to offer him their help, but Anomen and I stayed by the bank and laughed until we turned blue in the face.

Sigh.
If only things could have stayed like that, but it wasn?t meant to be.

I had first started to notice the change in Anomen while fulfilling Alaundo?s prophecy and battling against the five. He seemed to become preoccupied with the amount of notoriety and power the two of us had achieved. He was still sweet and fun to be around, but he often commented on our status in the world.
I couldn?t have cared less. I think I?ve mentioned before that I?m a thief, and what real thief wants to be famous? It makes it bloody difficult to steal anything when everyone?s eyes are on you.

It was also during this time when Anomen proposed to me. He had given me Moira?s ring and I promised him that when we were done with this battle, we would be wed in a small ceremony. Even at that time, his love had seemed sincere, but it was shortly after that when I really noticed the change in him.
For starters, he had figured out before I had that I would be destined for Godhood. I hadn?t thought things out that far, but it was something he seemed to concentrate on.
He also kept mentioning how important he would be within the Order. I was hoping that once this was all done, we could find a nice little cottage out in the middle of nowhere and maybe I could spend some time getting to know my brother, Sarevok.

You know, no matter how many times I say that, I still get a kick out of it. I have a brother. My brother, Sarevok. Watch it, pal, or I?ll have my brother beat you up. I have spent what seems like a lifetime killing off most of my siblings, that I can?t help but enjoy the ones I have left.

Anyway, as you can see by looking around the house, Anomen had no intention of living such a simple life. When Solar presented me with the choice of accepting Godhood or staying mortal, it was probably the easiest choice of my life. I wanted nothing to do with becoming a God. First of all, I would have had to deal with Cyric, who would not have taken my Ascension philosophically, and then I would have had to deal with Mask. My inclinations run toward thievery and I didn?t see that changing just because I became a God. All the power simply wasn?t that interesting to me.
Anomen was thrilled with my decision. We could finally just spend time together, travel, and be in love.
That lasted for a week.
The Order summoned him back to Athkatla and so we went. They presented him with all sorts of honors and awards. I didn?t know it until later, but they had heard how Anomen had dispatched the Slayer within me and he didn?t bother to correct them. And when they said that it was a good thing I had fallen under his influence, he didn?t bother to dispel that notion either.
They gave us this house, and sent us on a bunch of missions, which kept us from getting married right away. When we did finally get married, the missions soon became for Anomen to handle alone and I was left at home.
This didn?t happen instantaneously, you realize. It was a gradual process so slow that I didn?t notice it happening. I was distracted anyway. Imoen had started having problems with Kelsey and so she visited me frequently and I also spent the time trying to figure out what had happened to Sarevok. Before I knew it, I was deeply ingrained in this high society crap.
Suddenly, Anomen seemed dissatisfied with leaving me be whom I was. His suggestions had started out innocent enough. I honestly had no clue about high society protocol and I naturally relied on his advice. Even after a few years, I thought he would finish up his business here and we could move on. There were so many things that I still wanted to do. Anomen kept telling me that we would get to it someday and I believed him.
Ah, but then he got involved in politics. He had always believed that the Order could do more if they took a hand in running the government. He was a politicians dream. Everyone knew his name, from our various exploits and his opinion carried a lot of weight with the Order. Suddenly, how I behaved became a lot more important.
I had to dress a certain way and behave a certain way. I remember our first dinner party we held at our house. Anomen invited everyone from the council and he?d had two motives in mind. First, he wanted to form bonds to help kick his political career off the ground. The second reason was a little more complicated. One of the members of the council, I can?t remember what his name, was often found to carry lists of potential threats to Amn. Anomen had asked him several times to see that list so he could inform the Order, but this man had refused him several times. Anomen?s plan had been to talk the man into the list once more over dinner. Of course, Anomen has no people skills really, so it wasn?t surprising that the man had refused him once again. So I did what any wife would do in that situation.
I filched the documents.
You wouldn?t believe how mad Anomen had gotten. He acted like I had killed the man or something. I didn?t get it; he knew I was a thief.
I thought I was pregnant once, did I tell you that? I mention it now because it happened when Anomen first became active in the government side of things. I can recall the conversation perfectly. We sat here, like we?re sitting now, and he had his nose buried in an old text of laws and statutes. I was more than a month and a half late, and the possibility that I was pregnant had me thinking of nothing else.
?Anomen?? I said to get his attention.
?Hmmm??
?What would you say if I told you that I wanted to start a family??
?Why would you want to do that?? he asked. I had grabbed his full attention though.
?Why not? ?Tis the natural progression of things.?
?I don?t think it would be a good idea. The Order is having a hard time believing that you are ?safe?.?
?Safe??
?That your dark tendencies are really gone.?
?Why should that matter? I don?t give a damn what the Order thinks.?
?It might impede my progress with them if we had a child, that?s all.?
?Impede your progress?? My temper slowly started to burn.
?Look, they don?t understand what happened to you. All they know was that you once had the blood of Bhaal running through your veins. They think that if you had a child, it might bring Bhaal into the world anew.?
?So you?ve discussed this with them.? Would you believe that idiot didn?t even notice how mad I was?
?Naturally. We owe them all of this,? he said with a wave of his hand, indicating the house and everything in it.
?Hate to tell you, love, that having children can be a real possibility in about nine months.?
?Impossible,? he said with a chuckle.
?What??
?Well, I?ve been taking steps to make sure that wouldn?t happen until we?re ready.?
?What?!? I actually shrieked at him.
?There?s an herb that you can mix with beer that prevents a lady from, ah, conceiving.?
?You?ve been drugging me!!?
?Its for our own good, dear,? he stated, but he finally realized how angry I really was.

Now in my defense, I did leave him that night. I went to the docks and stayed with Aran Linvail. He offered me passage on a ship but I wasn?t ready to go that far yet. As soon as he had mentioned ships, I immediately thought of Saemon and suddenly felt guilty about not having told Anomen I had cuckolded him.

Anomen had come to me a few days later, contrite and apologetic. He seemed so miserable that I went back with him, despite Aran?s misgivings.

Yes, I suppose you would think it odd for Aran to get mixed up in my marriage. I had kept in close contact with him, however, when Anomen and I moved back to Athkatla and he sort of took up the ?father figure? role. After Anomen and I got married and he went off on his own travels, I would go to the Shadow Thieves headquarters and assist Aran in running things. He liked having the assistance and I liked keeping my hand in things.

What?
Oh, no, Anomen didn?t know about those activities either, no one did, save Aran. I saw no reason to tell Anomen either.

Where was I?
Oh yes, I had just taken Anomen back, that?s right.
Well, after that, Anomen had told me that if I wanted to have children so badly, we could. Of course, by then, I wouldn?t have had Anomen?s baby if he had begged me to, which he didn?t. We continued on with our lives in the same fashion and nothing had changed, except my perception of things. When I was staying with Aran, I was finally removed enough from our situation to see it clearly. The first thing I noticed above anything else was how miserable I was. It?s amazing how long you can be unhappy before you realize it. Actually, if it hadn?t been for Aran spotting it first, I never would have seen it. Once I was back with Anomen, I tried to do something about it. A week after I had come back, I talked with Anomen about changing a few things. He listened and agreed.
?But I?m doing some really important things with the Order, right now. Once that?s finished, we?ll go wherever you want to.?
That?s when I finally saw how Anomen valued his own life and happiness above mine. Here I had just left him, came back and told him how miserable I was living this life, but it didn?t affect him one whit. I was to continue being his trophy.
Foolish optimism saw me through the next year, however. I believed that things would change. I wore all the right clothes, behaved in all the right ways, and Anomen was often congratulated on how nice his wife was.

Gods, that just sounds horrible! I can?t believe that it?s taken me this long to leave that insufferable bastard.

Now all of this stuff continued to pile up, but it only kept building up until the catalyst came in the form of a letter from my brother, Sarevok.

Hee, there it is again. My brother, Sarevok.

A few weeks ago, a young boy and girl came to my house. They looked half starved and exhausted, so when they told me they had a message for me, I let them in, fed them and let them sit for a while.
?His lordship wasn?t at the Order, so we thought he would be here,? the boy stated.
?No, Anomen is out training some new recruits. Why would you take this to him if the letter?s for me?? I asked.
?His lordship told us too, milady.?
?When?? I asked with mounting confusion.
?When the letters started arriving, milady,? he replied. ?His lordship said that you didn?t want to read them and that he would take care of them.?
I finally looked at the letter and saw Sarevok?s handwriting.

Okay, this is a little known fact, but Sarevok has exquisite penmanship. Every time he writes something down, it?s a work of art. It wasn?t hard to recognize his handwriting.

?How long has this been going on?? I asked.
?I can tell you!? the girl piped up. ?Right after the wedding.?
I was thunderstruck. Why would Anomen keep letters from me? I finally had to read the letter.

Would you like to read it? I still have it.

Sarevok writes. . .

Journey,
So, it shames you does it? To have a brother as such as I? Does it make you blush, dear sister, to claim ties with the man who nigh destroyed the Sword Coast? Or perhaps you?re embarrassed to be connected with someone who knows how it feels for Bhaal?s blood to throb in your veins. Perhaps it makes you uncomfortable to have a brother not quite dead, not quite alive? Do you actually believe you can raise me, save me and then cast me aside? Your husband seems to think it?s inappropriate for you to acknowledge me, but I will have your word in the matter. Do not think you can hide from me, for if I get no response THIS time, I shall personally come to your house and MAKE you acknowledge me. Imagine how embarrassing that would be, for all your Noble friends and the worms from the Order to see me show up on your doorstep!
I just may indulge myself in letting your husband make good on his threat.
Sarevok.

Inside Sarevok?s letter was a letter from Anomen to Sarevok.

She wants nothing to do with you. I suggest you cease all efforts of contact or I shall be forced to deal with you and I shall be flanked by the Order?s finest to ensure that it is done.


I could feel Sarevok?s hurt and rage clearly from the words on the page. He believed that I didn?t want anything to do with him, and that couldn?t be further from the truth!
But then I looked at Anomen?s letter. He hadn?t signed it, but I knew his handwriting as well as I knew Sarevok?s. I could feel my blood turn to ice. Instinct told me that Anomen had attempted to block all contact from Sarevok because it would look bad for him in the eyes of the Order. He sacrificed my family in the name of his career. That was it; the second shoe had finally dropped. I took out some parchment and as quickly as I could, I replied to Sarevok?s letter. I didn?t bother with explanations of what had happened, Sarevok wouldn?t put up with any pacifying excuses anyway. I simply wrote and told him that this was the first letter I had seen and I that I was leaving Anomen. I invited him to come to the house and then the two of us could travel together where I could start apologizing for the way things happened. I also told him that I could just leave now and meet him, but this betrayal warranted something unique in the way of retribution. I gave the boy and girl a pouch of gold and sent them on their way and after an hour of some constructive snooping, I had found all of Sarevok?s past letters. I confronted Anomen about them that night and he admitted that it would look bad if he and Sarevok were linked. He had kept those letters because he couldn?t think of how to get rid of them. I let the matter drop; giving off the impression that it hadn?t really bothered me. I spent the rest of the night in good humor, not letting on what I really had in store for him. Anomen didn?t bat an eyelash and never suspected a thing.

I got a letter from Sarevok this morning. It was full of curiosity about what I was planning and he said that he would be here this afternoon.



The interview abruptly halted upon Anomen crashing through the front door. Rage had turned his face to the color of an overripe tomato and he brandished Marcus? book like a club. In his wake trailed several of the noblewomen who?d had tea with Journey earlier. All of them formed a wall in front of the door, so that if Journey wanted to make some sort of grand exit, she would have to wade through quite a few people.
?What is the meaning of this?? Anomen shouted, shaking the book at her.
?Of what, love,? Journey asked calmly. He dared dress her down in front of all these people? She could feel her temper climb.
?Oh dear, she has no clue what that nasty man wrote about her,? one lady commented. That brought sympathetic nods from the rest of them. Was this what Journey?s life had come down to? A gaggle of over-painted broads and an embarrassed husband?
?I never should have let you talk to that man. You obviously had no idea what he is all about and too naïve to see that he duped you,? Anomen told her, slamming the book on the table.
Her heart rate jumped a few notches but she carefully schooled her features to keep the snarl at bay. She hated to be thought of as naïve.
?That wasn?t your call to make.?
?No, really dear,? Lady Dorthea argued. ?He is your husband and it is his job to protect your reputation. After all, if you look bad, he looks bad.?
?Well he should have thought about that before he took up with a Bhaalspawn,? Journey snapped.
?My dear, it isn?t polite to speak so of. . . your past,? another lady piped up, saying the latter with an exaggerated whisper.
?Isn?t polite? Lady, who do you think you?re dealing with here? I once felt the icy claws of Bhaal himself reach up and posses my body. What exactly is the proper etiquette for that? ?Tis who I am.?
?Regardless, I shall post a notice that I want Marcus? head. This pack of lies must be silenced.?
?I never said they were a pack of lies, Anomen.?
?Really, Journey, it says that you and that Saemon Havarian had, did,? he was at a loss.
?Shared a night of passion?? Journey asked.
?Yes, right!?
?Those aren?t lies, Anomen.?
The horrible truth dawned on Anomen?s face.
?You must be joking!? Lady Dorthea gasped.
?Nope. It was shortly after we all left Spellhold with Imoen.?
?You brainless wench! How could you touch the likes of him??
?I didn?t mean for it to happen,? she said quietly. ?I didn?t have my soul. I was confused, distracted and a little despondent. I didn?t do it to intentionally hurt you.? Emotions started to war within her. She felt guilty, hopeful, angry and desperate. She was going to walk out on a man she had loved, if he could show some flicker of feeling, anything, that reminded her of how things used to be, they could work through this. She stared at him, mentally urging him to help her.
?Bah! Do you realize the amount of snickering that will evolve from your written confession? I shall be a laughingstock!?
?Don?t you care? I went through agony after that, and I swore I would never do it again! I couldn?t bear to hurt you!? Her feelings threatened to violently erupt, if he could just give her a sign!
He shrugged. That was it. Just a careless jerk of his shoulders.
?Don?t you realize, you dolt, that she is trying to give you one last chance before she leaves you?? Sarevok rumbled from the door.
How long had he been standing there?
As one, everyone turned to look at him. With his presence, Journey felt the war die inside her.
?Great God!? Lady Dorthea cried and promptly fainted. Three other ladies followed suit immediately.
?Whoa,? Journey commented with jealous admiration. Sarevok merely let them fall to the floor with a series of thumps.
?What is that thing doing here?? Anomen roared.
?He?s not a thing, he?s my brother, your brother in law,? Journey snapped.
?Not any more, he?s not. I?m glad he?s here; it will save me the time to look for him. I?ll be heading to the Order anyway so I can kill two birds with one stone.?
?Heading to the Order? For what reason?? Journey asked confused.
?To arrange for your penance, my love,? he sneered.
?This all happened before we were married,? she protested.
?So you say. But it is only on your word alone that it hasn?t happened since.?
Journey watched Anomen as the sudden horrifying reality struck her. Somewhere along the road, Anomen had fallen out of love with her and all that was left was cold ambition. Her shoulders sagged with defeat. With a heavy sigh she gathered her gear.
?What are you doing?? Anomen asked.
?I?m leaving you Anomen. This is my life no longer.? She headed for the door.
?The hell you are!? He yelled, snatching her arm. ?You shall pay for your crimes!?
With all the speed of a striking viper, Sarevok?s hand lashed out and clutched Anomen by the throat.
?Unhand my sister,? he ordered.
Anomen released Journey and tried to peel away Sarevok?s vice-like fingers.
?You once called me an abomination, a soulless creature from the pits of hell. Yet, you stand here and give no thought to the fact that my sister loves you. You, who have no feelings for anything other than your career, are the abomination. I know the path you are on, for I was there once back with the Iron Throne. I do not envy you the hell you shall suffer because of it.?
And with that, he carelessly flung Anomen away.

Brody, forgotten on the couch, could only gape at the scene as it unfolded before him. However, with this cue, he leapt up and followed Sarevok and Journey out the door. The ladies, who also could only watch the scene with cod-like expressions, scurried over to Anomen. Journey took one final glance before she slammed the door on the lot of them. And then, as if just realizing that Brody was there, she turned to him.
?So, how was that for reality?? she asked.
?I, uh, that is, er, what I mean to say is.?
She interrupted him with a halfhearted chuckle.
?Do you have any plans, Brody??
?No, not as such,? he replied.
?Great,? she said as her smile warmed. ?You see, Brody, I have this brother who has been largely ignored by the literary community. Now, a lot of people have an unfair impression of him, you know, the whole trying to take over the Sword Coast thing. I was thinking that you would be the perfect person to rectify that.?
?I couldn?t possibly refuse,? he replied with interest. Journey shot Sarevok a look and caught him shaking his head. But there was a flicker of interest in his eyes too.
?Come gentlemen, there are many adventures that lay before us.?

A disclaimer, of sorts.
As I have mentioned before, I had half of this story written when the other idea came to me. I can't say that I prefer one over the other, given that both sides of the story satisfy my neutral based personality. I could see both so clearly. So now that the cynic side of me is satisfied, it is time for me to indulge the hidden romantic.
So, without further ado, I present the final installment to the simply titled "An Affair".





It is nearing the Midwinter holiday as I write this. I am currently sitting in yet another nameless tavern in Athkatla and I have just commissioned a street urchin to take a message to Journey. I sat in on her interview with Marcus the Bold and scribbled down notes while he immortalized her scandalous affair with Saemon Havarian in a lengthy tale. I had to admire how he hid is discomfiture. He had been thoroughly traumatized by one of the most notorious women in history revealing a secret from her past. Marcus was a simple man. He liked his icons on pedestals, unreachable and lofty. Why not, he?d made a successful life telling tales of valor, nobility and victory. The fact that one of the infamous icons throughout the world not only admitted her flaws, but also reveled in them, well, that must have been too much to bear.
I, on the other hand, thought it was wonderful.
When we asked her for a tale, she had flatly refused to talk about anything that happened during her world-shaking battles. As she put it, ?There are tales enough of that, my friend. Some of them happen to be true, but I have been telling those tales since it happened, and I have to say, they are starting to bore me. I have done other things, you know.?
Marcus? face had fallen, but I couldn?t help but sit forward with interest. Now here was a woman a storyteller could sink his teeth into.
Oh dear, that doesn?t sound right a?tall, does it?
Regardless, after Marcus and I had left Journey?s home, a thousand questions burned in my mind. After speaking to Marcus about them, I realized that he would never voluntarily go back. He?d had enough of reality.
So it was left up to me. Which brings me to why I?m here. I have decided to pick up where Marcus the ?Bold? had left off and ask the questions that had been burning in my mind since the night we left Journey?s.
Did she ever tell Sir Anomen about her indiscretion? How did the lofty knight take the news? What happened next?
So, I, Brody, formerly known as Brody the Assistant, now known as Brody the Quill, will endeavor to get the rest of the story of betrayal, lust and forgiveness.




I used to be one of those people that believed that infidelity was an unforgivable sin. Of course, that was until I was the one that had been unfaithful. It?s funny how that works.
Well, the morning after, I had realized that I had done a bad thing. But in my mind at that time, that?s all it was. Littering is a bad thing, and I would have had the same remorse for tossing a scrap of paper on the ground, which is to say, none. I simply couldn?t feel like it was a betrayal. I didn?t see Anomen that day, but Imoen was on my tail like a bloodhound. She didn?t know exactly what went on, but she knew something had happened. I managed to avoid her for a few hours, but she finally caught up to me and asked me point blank, what had happened.
?I slept with Saemon,? I replied simply.
?You what?!?? she shouted. Everyone turned to look at us and she quieted down. ?You slept with Saemon Havarian?? she whispered.
?Yes, I did.?
It took a moment for the weight of my words to settle on her. She stared at me oddly for a while as she formed her next question.
?Was he good??
?Imoen!?
?Sorry! I just don?t know how to react to this. I thought you and Anomen were together.?
?We are.?
?Then. . . oh!? she gasped. I do have to say that her reaction was pretty funny.
?How did you know something happened??
?You are never this cheerful. You?ve actually been whistling.?
?I have not!? I retorted.
?Journey! You whistled your way through breakfast! It was awful.?
I can imagine it was, I never whistle because I?m bad at it.
?You aren?t going to tell anyone, are you?? I asked.
?Not if you don?t want me to. Although, it?s going to be pretty difficult, everyone is wondering what has gotten into you.?
?Yeah, well they?ll get over it.?
?Are you going to tell Anomen??
?Are you kidding me? Hell no!?
?You have to tell him.?
?Imoen, he?s already mad at me because I turned into the Slayer and tried to kill him. Something tells me it wouldn?t be wise to announce that I messed around on him.?
?He?s mad at you because of that? It wasn?t your fault.?
?I know. I think he knows that too, but he?s scared.?
?Well that makes sense. Boy, you two have a lot of problems to work through.?
?Tell me about it.?
I don?t know what made me do it, but at that moment, I looked toward Anomen?s cabin and saw him walking toward us.
?Ah hell,? I muttered.
?What?? Imoen asked.
?Anomen?s coming.?
She turned and watched as he approached.
?He looks awful, what?s wrong with him??
?He gets seasick.
She snorted with laughter.
?Its not that funny,? I said, coming to his defense. ?He was as sick as a dog on the way to come get you.?
?Shh, here he comes,? she warned. ?I better go.?
?Okay, we?ll talk later.?
As Anomen got closer, I could see that he looked worse than he had the night before.
?Why aren?t you in bed?? I asked.
?I need to talk to you.?
Now while I was on the ship, I never really noticed the gentle swaying and rocking. However, looking at Anomen, it became more pronounced. He shuffled from side to side and finally had to grasp the rail to steady himself. I could see why he got seasick; the man had no balance whatsoever.
?Well we can talk, but I?m taking you back to bed.?
?Just listen to me first. What I have to say is. . . ? he nearly fell over as the ship dipped sharply to the right.
?It can wait, come on,? I said and grabbed his arm. He was as shaky as a newborn colt as we walked together and I had to wonder what was so important that he had ventured out in such a state.
?Ah, hello you two!?
I absolutely froze in place. Saemon had blocked our path back to Anomen?s cabin.
?Hi,? I greeted blandly. I ignored my flip-flopping stomach and racing heart.
?What do you want?? Anomen snapped.

This was an interesting side light on humanoids and their animal behavior. In my mind, I saw them as two male dogs, both sniffing around me, searching for the appropriate signals. Technically I belonged to one, but I had, er, mated with both. Anomen seemed sickly and ill prepared to defend his property. Saemon sensed Anomen?s weakness and attempted to challenge his authority.

Yes, I know its not flattering, especially to me, but then, you had to be there.

?You?re looking a bit seedy, if you don?t mind me saying so,? Saemon observed. ?Still sick I see.?
?Not that its any business of yours, but I?m fine,? Anomen growled. ?I hope you haven?t stopped us to comment on how I look.?
?Not a?tall. I was going to ask Journey if she would like for me to teach her how to man the helm properly.?
I tried to speak, gasp and breathe all at the same time and as a result, I started choking uncontrollably. I don?t know how, but Saemon had managed to fill that statement with all sorts of sexual innuendos and propositions.
?I doubt it,? Anomen answered smoothly. ?Obviously the very thought is making her ill. Come on, my love, let?s go back to my cabin.?
All I could do was nod as Anomen steered me away.

We arrived back at his cabin, and I helped Anomen into his hammock. He didn?t lie down, however, he just sat there and looked at me.
I just stood there and stared at him.
I was amazed at how much our relationship had changed in the course of a few days. The things that happened back in Spellhold still boiled in an overwhelming undercurrent of bad feelings. The wall between us seemed insurmountable.
And I was afraid as hell that he had sensed what Saemon and I had done the night before. In fact, I almost blurted the whole thing out while we silently looked at each other, but Anomen spoke first and spared me the embarrassment.
?Journey,? he started and grabbed my hand. ?I don?t know what to say to you.?
?That makes two of us,? I said. He knew. I just knew that he knew. My mind raced, searching for any and all excuses I could throw at him, to explain to him why I had slept with Saemon while he had been so horribly sick.
?I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my whole life. It?s making me crazy.?
Uh, okay, maybe he didn?t know.
?I love you too, Anomen.?
?Shut up for a moment and let me say this.?
Wow, something important must have been on his mind. He had dropped his inclinations for flowery speech. I shut up, what else could I do?
?I see you and I see the beginning and end of my life.?
?Is this about the Slayer thing?? I asked. I wanted to make absolutely sure he hadn?t found out.
?Yes, ?tis about the ?Slayer thing?,? he said, glaring at me.
?I didn?t mean to turn into the Slayer, I swear.?
?I know that!? He snapped. ?Dammit Journey, I?m trying to apologize. . . again!?
He launched himself from the hammock and started pacing. He must have been really upset, for he didn?t even bat an eye at the ship?s movement.
?It seems that most of our relationship has involved me apologizing to you for one thing or another. Never in my life have I been so bad at something.?
?You aren?t bad at all of it Anomen,? I commented wickedly, trying to jolt him out of this mood.
It didn?t work. He stopped and caught me in a stare and held it for a while.
?Okay!? I said surrendering. ?I?m shutting up now.?
?Before you, all I ever thought about was myself. My dreams about the Order were all that mattered to me. All I cared about was my happiness, my welfare. Do you know how difficult it is to go from being that self-absorbed to only caring about someone else??
He didn?t seem to want an answer to that question, so I said nothing.
?Ye Gods! My life was so simple and easy then. I have courted dozens of women before you came along!?
Now that was uncalled for.
?For someone who has to apologize all the time, you?re getting progressively worse at it,? I sniffed.
He stopped pacing again and shot me a look of helpless bafflement. He made a noise of half groan, half chuckle.
?My love, how could you even think that any other woman in the world could hold a candle to you? I liked my life then, I thought I knew it all. Ignorance really is bliss. I can never go back to that life and it?s your fault.?
I opened my mouth to argue with him again, but he came to stand in front of me.
?When we were in. . . that place and we had been caged by that monster, all I could think about was how to break free. I heard you scream and I threw myself against the bars, trying to get to you. I couldn?t do it, and he, he took your soul! I failed you. At the time, I thought we were going to die, all I wanted was one shot at Irenicus, to hurt him the way he hurt you. I didn?t care about my own life, because what is my life without you? Now does that sound easy for someone who was as selfish as I??
I was at a loss for words. I remained silent. ?And then Bodhi took us to that maze. We were reunited once again, but you were missing something. He took your soul, the very thing that made you who you are. I didn?t even know if you still cared for me at all. We fought, like we always do, but then, you turned into that, that thing and you tried to kill me. What could I do? I was scared as hell! Not only for my own life, but about the fact that I loved someone so deeply, that even when she turned into a beast, I couldn?t stop loving her!?
You have to give Anomen credit here. What man would want to spend his life with a woman who could turn into a snapping, snarling avatar of Bhaal any time she got irritated?
?I guess what I?m saying, badly, is that you could turn into Bhaal himself, and what choice would I have to love you??
A voice in my mind cheered and called out ?Well done!?. Anomen had apologized several times but this was his best one yet.
?Even if the possibility of me turning into Bhaal doubles every time you mention other women?? I asked. He gaped at me. ?Oh Anomen, I love you.?
We hugged for the first time in days and everything seemed all right again. How could Saemon Havarian compare with this man? Saemon was good for a romp, but Anomen was my best friend. We could spend hours talking about nothing at all.
?You know, love, I don?t seem so sick anymore.?
?I see that.?
?Then let me show you a few more things.?

Okay! Yes, it was tacky. I had spent the previous night with Saemon and then I made love to Anomen the next day. There isn?t anything you can say that Imoen hasn?t told me a dozen times over.
So there.

Well, the good news had spread like wildfire. Everyone was glad to see that Anomen and I had patched up our differences.
Well, almost everyone.

You know, I have done a lot of things in my life, but one of my finer moments was the fact that I had made Saemon Havarian jealous. I could see it in his eyes when he glared at Anomen and I. That?s the kind of thing that could give a girl an ego.

It didn?t really surprise me that Saemon had abandoned us to the Githyanki. He had a habit of saving his own skin, but I also think I had something to do with it too. You know the rest. We fought the Saughin, battled our way through the Underdark, and destroyed Bodhi, blah, blah, blah. We were on our way to that strange temple of Amunator to restore Anomen when Imoen came up to me after we had made camp.
?Journey, I need to speak with you.?
She sounded so serious I couldn?t help but wonder what was on her mind.
?Okay,? I agreed. She took me a little ways from the camp.
?Have you told Anomen about you and Saemon??
?No. There really didn?t seem to be a good time.?
?You have to tell him.?
?Imoen, he?s dead,? I told her.
?If you can bring him back to life, I mean.?
?Let?s worry about one thing at a time.?
?Journey! What if we can?t bring him back? Can you live with the fact that you messed around on him and never told him??
I started to shift from foot to foot. For some reason, I could feel the biting wind blow clear through me.
?I don?t know,? I finally admitted.
?I know you wouldn?t be able to. Do you think you can just forget that Saemon never happened??
?Probably,? I lied.
?No you couldn?t. Do you love him?? she asked. I was having problems following her train of thought.
?Who? Saemon?? I asked. Was she out of her mind?
?No, Anomen.?
?Oh.?
?Do you love him??
?That?s getting a little personal, isn?t it?? The conversation had started to make me feel uncomfortable.
?Journey!?
?What business is it of yours?? I snapped. I was starting to get angry, and perhaps a little scared.
?You?re my sister, that?s my business. I care about you Journey.?
?Well who asked you to??
?Do you love Anomen??
What could I say? The thoughts of love, guilt, of general feeling had started to become alien to me. Believe me, it worried me more than a little.
?Yes! No! I think so!?
?You think??
?Imoen! What do you want me to say??
?Journey, listen to me like you have never listened to anything before in your life. You are in danger of becoming completely drained of your humanity. You?re fighting a losing battle and every day, you lose a little more of yourself to the void where your soul used to be. Up until now, Anomen has become an anchor so you aren?t lost completely. He is the strongest link you have to who you were, and he?s dead! He?s dead, Journey, and I have yet to see you shed a single tear! Now maybe we can bring him back, and if we can, you better think about how you can keep him in your life, because without him, you?re lost!? With that, she whirled and headed back to camp.

She was wrong about a few things. Anomen wasn?t my only link to humanity, Imoen served in that capacity as well. I keep thinking I should tell her that sometime.

Fortunately, we were able to restore Anomen. I had felt very little since Irenicus had stolen my soul, but at that moment, I did feel hope. Maybe I had a chance after all. We barely had time for a reunion, for I ordered everyone to pack up and get ready to leave. Every time Imoen looked at me, I could feel the weight of her words. It had become even more imperative that I get my soul back. We took off for the elven city immediately.

You know about our battle with Irenicus, so I won?t retell it here. Suffice to say that we fought against Irenicus and won. When we finally surfaced from our victory in hell, the elves had been quite surprised. We had been given our own rooms, which I desperately needed to be alone right then. I finally had my soul back and I had a lot to think about. At first, I felt humbled and grateful to Imoen, Keldorn, Jan, Kelsey and Anomen. They had fought so long by my side, to help rescue Imoen, to fetch my soul and to defeat Irenicus. Retroactive feelings welled up within me and I wanted nothing more to tell them all how much they meant to me. To think of all they had sacrificed. . .
Suddenly, a whole new feeling crashed down upon me.
Guilt. Guilt so huge and so terrible that the mere weights of it made my legs crumple and forced me to the floor.
Dear Gods, what had I done?
I lay on the floor and sobbed like a broken hearted child.

Ah hell, excuse me for a moment.

When I finally recovered, I immediately ran to Anomen?s room. I threw the door open and slammed it shut behind me.
?My love?!? Anomen cried out. He only wore a pair of under drawers and was more than a little disconcerted by my brash entry and his near-nakedness.
?I have to talk to you,? I told him. ?Sit.?
?Okay, but I don?t have any pants on. Let me find some. . .?
?Sit! Anomen.?
He sat.
?What?s wrong?? he asked.
?I?ve done a terrible thing. It didn?t seem like such a big deal at the time, but then, nothing seemed like a big deal. I didn?t have my soul and we were fighting. I don?t know why I did it.?
?Journey, what is it?? he asked, his voice full of worry.
?I slept with Saemon Havarian.?
He didn?t say anything. The silence stretched out, long and awful.
?I didn?t do it to hurt you and I didn?t do it because I liked him. It wasn?t something we did for love; it was like something two animals did in the forest. I didn?t even think about it at the time.?
?Leave.?
?It?s not something I would ever do again, my God, I never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me!?
?I said leave!? He shouted. What could I do? I left.

The next few days dragged on in misery. Finally Imoen came to my room.
?You told him, huh?? she asked.
I nodded. ?He hates me.?
?I?m sorry.?
What could I say? So was I. She hugged me and I wept again.

Could you maybe exclude all this crying stuff when you write the story? I hate to cry and I would prefer not to have people know that I cry.
I didn?t think so. Sigh. Can?t blame me for asking.

I had taken to walking the streets of Suldenessalar in an effort to exhaust myself so I could sleep. On some nights it even worked. It was on a night such as this the Keldorn caught me before I could return to the palace. I nearly bypassed him at first. Keldorn and I rarely spoke to each other. To be honest, he intimidated the hell out of me. He never argued with my decisions or challenged my authority, but his very aura unnerved me. It was like Torm stared at me through Keldorn?s eyes.
?I would speak to you, Journey,? he called out as I walked by.
Bloody hell.
?What can I do for you, Sir Keldorn??
?I have spoken to Sir Anomen.?
?I see.?
?Would you care to explain your side??
?I don?t have a side.?
?So what he told me is true then??
?Yes.?
He sighed and motioned for me to sit down on a nearby bench. He joined me and we sat in silence for a moment.
?I have also spoken to Imoen about the subject of souls. I can?t say that I can begin to imagine what its like to live without one.?
?I wouldn?t recommend it.?
?No, I suppose you wouldn?t.? He stood up once again and started pacing, like a teacher preparing to lecture a student. ?It is said that a soul makes us what we are. It is our very link to the Gods themselves.?
?I suppose.? Where was he going with this?
?That small spark of divine fire is all that separates us from the animals. Would you say that?s about right??
?There?s a little bit more to it than that,? I replied. I was starting to get impatient and weary and this conversation was making me tired.
?Oh? Like what??
I shot to my feet and glared at him.
?Like losing your very essence! You know that passion that you have that stems from your faith in Torm? It disappears! The very things that used to force you from bed in the morning are gone! You suddenly wake and wonder why you even bother to get up at all! Nothing drives you. You certainly don?t feel anything! You are cold and you are empty. You don?t even know the difference between right and wrong anymore. And you know it?s only a matter of time before nothingness devours you whole.?
I fell silent spun on my heel and headed to the palace.
?Journey, you are an enigma to me.?
?Oh really,? I stopped and snapped. ?And here I thought I was so easy to figure out.?
?So many people,? he continued, unruffled. ?would have done much worse than dally with Saemon Havarian, even if they had their souls.?
That shut me up.
?Even after losing your soul, you had so much more at stake. You had to concentrate on keeping the Slayer at bay. I?m sure that was a lot on your plate.?
?What are you getting at, Sir Keldorn??
?Do you remember how you counseled me during Maria?s confession? You spoke of compassion and forgiveness and feelings of the heart. She had been lonely, you said, and she needed to be reminded how much I loved her. You released me for a few days, so that I could see it done.?
?So??
?So it would an ill-payment from me indeed if I didn?t council Sir Anomen in the same manner. After all, you had a lot more to deal with.?
?He has asked your advice??
?Of course. The situations are rather similar. I came to speak with you to see if it would be worth fixing. I couldn?t possibly tell Sir Anomen to forgive you if you didn?t have the smallest amount of remorse for what you had done.?
?And now that you?ve spoken to me??
?I see the same woman I have always seen. Noble, honorable, strong and perhaps a little battle weary from all the warring instincts inside you. Everyone stumbles every now and then, and the fact that this was your first one, well, that says something about you.?

Wow, all these paladin types saw me as noble. I tell you, I must have been one of the most honorable thieves in the world.

?Thanks Keldorn,? I said, and I meant it. I went into the palace and fell into bed. It was the first good night?s sleep I?d had in a long time.

The next day, the elves were busy preparing for a celebration, thanking us for saving their city. I decided to take a walk to get away from all the noise and confusion and come to terms with some decisions I needed to make. This Bhaal side to me needed to be dealt with and soon. I had heard several of the elven sages speak of Alaundo?s prophecy and how that time drew near. I also had to figure out how I was going to go on without Anomen. The man had a lot of problems, sure, but he had literally gone to hell and back for me. I would love him until the end of my days, of that I was sure.
?My lady??
His voice jerked me out of my thoughts and a startled cry escaped my throat.
?Anomen, you scared me.?
?I?m sorry. May I speak with you a moment??
?Certainly.? I acted cool on the surface, but inside every conceivable emotion erupted.
?Let?s find some place with a little privacy,? he said and steered me to the clearing where we defeated the black dragon.
Whatever it was that Anomen had wanted to say had to wait, because I just started babbling. It was a last ditch effort to keep him by my side.
?I am so sorry, for hurting you. You are the world to me and I would never purposefully hurt you in any way. You have to believe me. I didn?t. . . ?
?Shhh, love. Let me speak.?
I quieted and listened.
?For me to think that Saemon Havarian knows you in a way that I thought only I knew, it makes me angry.?
?But I. . . ?
?Let me finish. As I said, it makes me angry. But then I think that at that time you were missing a piece of you, a part that he couldn?t touch. It is that very piece that only I know intimately, that part of you that attracted me to you from the start. That, that man may have known your body, but that is a small thing compared to the rest of you. He is not worthy of your heart, your mind or even your soul, and it is those things that belong to me.?
?Belong??
I didn?t like the idea of belonging to anyone, like I was someone?s luggage.
?Of course. You belong to me, like I belong to you.?
Oh, that was okay then.
?I know that you don?t know why you, uh,?
?Dallied?? I asked helpfully.
?Er, yes. Dallied. I know that you don?t know why you dallied with Saemon, and I know you will never do it again. You have forgiven me so many times in the past, how can I not forgive you??
He couldn?t say any more because I threw my arms around him and squeezed him with everything I had.
?I love you Anomen.?
?I love you too, Journey, now and forever.?

What?
Yes! I cried again!
Nosy!

?I have to warn you though. Do it again and I will break your neck,? Anomen said. ?After all, between that, vampirism and you turning into the Slayer and trying to kill me, how much can a man take??
?Anything you say, love.?

We walked back to the palace to join in the bustle of preparing for the festival. Imoen, Kelsey, and Keldorn all eyed us with satisfaction. It seemed everything would be okay again.